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Latest post Mon, Mar 20 2006 1:08 PM by Nick147. 5 replies.
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Sleepy Baby  +  207292 Sat, 18 Mar 06 02:34 PM

Hello

How are you doing? hopfully everyone is fine

I have a comparable essay and I need help in correcting grammer's mistakes if you are not busy..

Thanx ^^

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      Ancient Greece was one of the remarkable civilization in the ancient times. It represented an era in which people had great ideas about philosophy and literature. Moreover, there were many play writers  who were famous for the dramas. Sophecles was one of them, he was well known for his Drama Antigone. For many reasons I noticed that my father is comparable to the character of Creon. Like the king of Thebes, my father wants every one in the family to obey him in what ever he says; He is hard to convince in many cases and he does not like anyone to disagree with the decision that he makes.

              Creon the king of Thebes, has a strong character that makes all the citizens obey him and his rules. For example, he ordered not to bury Polyneices when he died, because he ravaged the country and he did not fight in their behalf. In the same way, my father wants every member in our family to obey him. For example, when my brothers do not study for their exams he becomes angry and shouts at them to study instead of play. Both, my father and Creon like to control everything around them and to be respected.     

              As we know, the king did not like any one to disagree with his decisions. When his son Haemon was with Antigone side and he saw that his father was not justice, creon became angry and he said that he did not want any body to tell him how to rule. Also Haemon asked his father not to be too rigid and to be flexible. Similarly, my father does not like any one of us to disagree with what he say. When my father took us on a tour in a specific place and we did not like it, he felt angry. In addition we agreed with him because he knew which would be the better place for us. Creon and my father, both of them do not change the way of taking decision and they do not care about other opinions.

             Creon also was hard to convince and he was so stubborn that he hardly change his mind. When his son Haemon asked him to be flexible, he yelled and did not listen to him. At last  he have been convinced when the blind prophet told Creon that he did two mistakes, first mistake was he did not bury Polyneices and the second mistake was  when he put Antigone inside the rocky vault. Also the gods were so mad about what he did. Both my father and Creon had the same attribute. My father was really hard to convince, especially when I wanted to go out. For example, when I asked him to give me the permission to go to my friend's houses, he did not allow me to go. I asked my mother to convince him, and then he gave me the permission. Like Creon, my father did not easily change his opinion; they both needed time for being convinced.  

            In conclusion, I described some aspects of the similarity between the personality of Greon and my father. They both had a strong personality that they did not let anyone to control them. Also, they had a unique character that made them able to lead all the things around them.  In addition Creon was the king of Thebes and my father was the king in the home.

Joined on Sat, Feb 4 2006
New Member 15
Sleepy Baby, 3 yr 251 days ago

???

Nick147  +  207419 Sun, 19 Mar 06 01:45 AM

Hi SB,

I have amended your piece as below. I assumed that it refers to how your father is now, as that is how it you describe him at the beginning. There are places where the tense needed changing to make that clear. I hope I have understood that correctly.

- Nick

Ancient Greece was one of the most remarkable civilizations of ancient times. It represented an era in which people had great ideas about philosophy and literature. Moreover, there were many playwrights who were famous for their dramas. Sophecles was one of these, he is well known for his drama Antigone. I have noticed that my father is comparable to the character in the play, Creon. Like the king of Thebes, my father wants everyone in the family to obey him in what ever he says. He does not like anyone to disagree with the decisions that he makes, and it is hard to convince him that he is wrong.

              Creon, the king of Thebes, has a strong character and this makes all the citizens obey him and his rules. For example, he ordered Polyneices not to be buried when he died, this was because he had ravaged the country and he had not fought on behalf [of who] . In the same way, my father wants every member of our family to obey him. For example, when my brothers do not study for their exams he becomes angry and shouts at them to study instead of playing. Both, my father and Creon like to control everything around them and to be respected.     

              As we know, the king Creon did not like any one to disagree with his decisions. When his son Haemon sided with Antigone and saw that his father was unjust, Creon became angry and said that he did not want anybody to tell him how to rule. Also Haemon asked his father not to be too rigid and to be more flexible. Similarly, my father does not like any of us to disagree with what he says. When my father took us on a tour and we did not like it, he felt angry. In addition we had to agree with him where to go because he thought he knew which would be the best place for us to go. Creon and my father both do not change the way they take decisions, and they do not care about other opinions.

             Creon was also hard to convince, and he was so stubborn that he hardly ever changed his mind. When his son Haemon asked him to be flexible, he yelled and did not listen. Finally, he realised he had been wrong when the blind prophet told Creon that he had made two mistakes, the first mistake was when he did not bury Polyneices, and the second mistake was  when he put Antigone inside the rocky vault. The gods were also mad about what he had done. Both my father and Creon have the same attributes. My father is really hard to convince, especially when I want to go out. For example, when I asked him for permission to go to my friend's house, he did not allow me to go. I asked my mother to convince him, and then he gave way. Like Creon, my father did not easily change his mind; he needed time to be convinced.  

            In conclusion, I have described some aspects of the similarity between the personality of Greon and that of my father. They both have a strong personality and they do not let anyone control them. Also, they have a unique character that makes them able to lead everyone around them. Creon was the king of Thebes and my father is the king in our home.

 

Joined on Sat, Feb 25 2006
London, UK
Junior Member 58
`When I use a word, it means just what I choose it to mean.' Humpty Dumpty - Through the Looking Glass
Sleepy Baby  +  207541 Sun, 19 Mar 06 04:27 PM

Niki,

 

Thank you very much Bro^^  and I appreciate your efforts in helping me.

 

Smile [:)]

Keron  +  207557 Sun, 19 Mar 06 05:27 PM
..................were famous for their dramas. Sophecles was one of these.
Excuse me,teachers
           I wonder why "these" is used here instead of them?
Could anyone helpme??
Thank you
Joined on Sat, Dec 17 2005
New Member 06
Nick147  +  207836 Mon, 20 Mar 06 01:08 PM

The easiest way to think about this is to expand the sentence to include what these or them refers to. - In this case these refers to the playwrights who were famous. The sentence could be written:

…there were many playwrights who were famous for their dramas. Sophecles was one of these playwrights.

It would be ungrammatical to say ...Sophecles was one of them playwrights.

Does that help?

- Nick

 

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