HELP WITH THANK YOU LETTER

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Anonymous  #484727  Tue, 04 Mar 08 01:01 AM
Could someone please help me with this run on sentence in a thank you letter for an interview I just had.  I would like to keep the two experiences on the same sentence but it seems too long.  THANKS!

 

I felt a wonderful rapport with you and enjoyed hearing more about the position. I feel that my experience at both the March Of Dimes working on press releases, media kits, speaking points, and media contacts as well as my work at Jay Advertising which gave me a feel for agency work and working with clients makes me an excellent candidate for this position.  

  
ytsirk  #484878  Tue, 04 Mar 08 03:23 PM

Is this for a writing position?

We know that you feel the way you're talking about because you're the one saying it. So we can eliminate three words at the beginning of the sentence.

My experience working on press releases, media kits, speaking points, and media contacts for the March of Dimes, as well as my agency work and familiarity with client contact at Jay Advertising make me an excellent candidate for this position.

Notice that I changed "makes" to "make." Your experience and your agency work and your client contact make. I'm assuming that you did all the press releases and such for the March of Dimes. If not, then I have muddled the meaning of your sentence and I apologize. But that's how it looks from the original.

Now, I am also assuming that you told your interviewer that your work at Jay advertising as with an agency during your interview. So there is no need to rehash that it's agency work. If you want to include everything you had in the original sentence, then you really should separate it into at least two sentences.

  
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