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This is a discussion thread.
Latest post Mon, Jun 7 2004 4:07 AM by nga_vn87. 2 replies.
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nga_vn87
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Mon, 07 Jun 04 04:07 AM
One of our tasks at English lessons is to write compositions. But my essays are not impressive enough. My teacher says my vocab. is so poor, and the structures I use are too simple. Moreover, I think I don't know how to give examples or facts. Are these all that make my essays less impressive? Please read one of my compositions and give out your comments, or corrections.
HOW TO STAY HEALTHY:
There is a saying " Health is Wealth", which means Health is of great importance to everyone. Noone can live, can work without a good health. That is why how can we stay healthy is more or less difficult to answer, though there are many ways to stay healthy.
First of all, playing sports and doing regular exercise do one's health good. By taking part in such activities as jogging, running, swimming, or football can a person develop his muscles effectively. What is more, it is advisable to take regular other kinds of exercise at home or at fitness centers to make one's body fitter and allow it struggle against diseases, thus leads to probable work of the defend system of the body.
Additionally, if one wants to keep fit, he should choose a suitable diet for himself. This should consist of many kinds of vegetables and fishes but less meat, sault, sugar, chilli or food containing cholestorel.
Finally, arranging time to work and play suitably is essential for anyone to have a good health. After a hard day's work, one should spend time on leisure activities like fishing, reading, or going sightseeing. Especially, he should never put himself under stress.
In conclusion, these are only some of my opinions for anyone to keep fit, but useful. However, it also depends on the matter of interest.
Joined on
Fri, Jun 4 2004
Vietnam
Junior Member
73
I am what I am... >:D<
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Uncle Gizmo
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Tue, 08 Jun 04 09:31 PM
I don’t know, I wish I could!
I like the way you started your essay “Health is Wealth” But it sort of finishes there really, I was expecting more, more links between health and wealth but you went on to say that playing sport improves health. I think you could have continued from your excellent start adding a bit about why wealth is important to the sports aspect, you could have said something like sport is more available in wealthy cultures because people have more free time. The same applies to the diet aspect; you could have shown that because we are a wealthy nation we have the ability to provide ourselves with a good diet. (This is a very dodgy subject to get into, because of our wealth; some of us are eating a very poor diet).
I think you would have done better if you had first drawn up a list of things related to health. A search of the internet and would have produced more I’m sure.
Off the top of my head:-
Like you said: - Exercise, Diet
Also: - Knowledge, keeping clean, education.
Avoid higher risk issues like:-
Unprotected Sex
There must be loads more of related issues.
Now, if you added something about all those aspects of keeping healthy your essay would just become a list, and not really an essay.
However one or two of the aspects listed should attract your interest; you will probably have more information about one or two than the rest. If you don’t, then research that aspect which is of MOST interest to you, and build your essay around that.
What you’re trying to do is write a piece of text that is interesting for someone else to read. If you wanted to cover the HOW TO STAY HEALTHY topic properly, then you could probably write a book, or several books, but you’ve been asked to write an essay, so what you are really being asked is to look at this topic, HOW TO STAY HEALTHY pick out an aspect of it that is of interest to you, write about it so that it grabs the reader’s attention and becomes of interest to them.
What they want to read, is you, they want to see you in the text, they want to hear you in the text, they want your ideas, it doesn’t matter if your ideas are wrong, we are all entitled to an opinion and that’s what people want, they want you to shine out of your essay. Then your Essay will be impressive!
Joined on
Tue, May 11 2004
New Member
10
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nga_vn87
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Fri, 11 Jun 04 03:03 AM
Thank you for your useful advice, Uncle Gizmo. I've never been able to be so thoughtful like you are, indeed. I know that my essay is of bad quality and doen't attract readers, but I don't know how to express my ideas about a particular issue, eventhough I have thought about it. When I read your advice above, I imagine what I'll have to do in the next essay, yet, when I write one, I'm sure I'll forget all what I've been told. I find writing essays in English very difficult. It's not like our own Vietnamese literature.
Is my vocab. too poor? Though I've learned a lot of useful structures as well as new words in English, I can't apply them to my writing. I think a wide range of words also contributes to the impression of one's essays, doesn't it?
If you can, please give me a topic for me to practise right in this forum!!!!
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