Can anyone help me? 

Hawaiiangurl wrote:

Hello there, Can someone help me?  I have a letter that I wrote.  It is regarding sponsorship.  Hope someone can help me with the editing  Here is a sample of my letter.......... 10/15/07 Brenden Ahurn 5901 Broken Sound Parkway NW Boca Raton Fl, 33487 Dear Mr. Ahurn, Re: Sponsorship for Professional MMA Fighter; Kala Kolohe My name is Ross Hose Jr. (aka; Kala Kolohe). Professionally, I am involved in a sport called MMA; Mixed Martial Arts. My training team is called Team Bad Intentions. We reside in a small town called Wai'anae on the beautiful island of Oahu. I am writing this letter to kindly ask if your company would like to  financially sponsor me and my team.  I have been an MMA Fighter for 3 years now.  My team plays a huge part of my career.  From disiplined cardio workouts to sparing, Team Bad Intentions is number 1.  Sporting 4 wins (two KO's and two TKO's) and 1 decision loss I will strive everyday to continuesly want that "number 1 welter wieght" spot.  Coming this December 15th, 2007; I, Kala Kolohe, will be featured in the main event competing against  Robbie "Ruthless" Lawler.  With the help of BSN, I able to compete at  top knotch. Within the past two years of using BSN products, I have never seen such positive results.   Out of the many different product brands I've used, BSN is by far the best.  Here in Hawaii, MMA is becomming a very popular sport. Recently, Showtime's Pro Elite XC held an event here in Honolulu called; Uprising.  Many top gun fighters were scheduled on this fight card. I was one of those fighters. With the help of BSN Products, I was able to end my competition at 20 seconds of the 1st round. My opponent at 6'2, suffered from broken ribs. It has occured to me that we could both benefit in some way. I could hlep market all BSN Products to many fans of mine including fans of the MMA World. An example would be to feature your logo on my t-shirts, website, video's, shout outs etc.  It will be such an honor being apart of your team!   Becomming a professional MMA Fighter has always been my lifelong dream. I am very passionate about this sport. I live for MMA. I thank my family for their support and last but not least, all of my fans for believing in me. Thank you for taking the time to read  my letter. Ross Hose