IELTS essay: A government’s role is only to provide defence capability and urban infrastructure (roads, water supplies, etc.). All other services (education, health, social security) should be provided by private groups or individuals in the community.

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FirstStrike  #480914  Sun, 24 Feb 08 04:38 AM

 Hello! I’m from Viet Nam and I’m preparing for the IELTS examination. I try to practice writing IELTS task 2 everyday, but there aren’t any teachers who correct my mistakes. I would be very appreciate, if anyone could help me correct my essay. Thanks in advance.

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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

A government’s role is only to provide defence capability and urban infrastructure (roads, water supplies, etc.). All other services (education, health, social security) should be provided by private groups or individuals in the community.

You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant experience.

You should write at least 250 words. 

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There is no doubt that a government plays an important part in developing one country. Some people hold a position that a government should not only build roads, control the national military, and provide water for its citizens but also provide all other services. However, others stand a very different ground. This essay will outline some arguments for and against the importance of a government’s role in providing services for its people.


            There are good reasons why some people believe that politicians should provide all services for the society. First of all, people pay the tax to bring the government come into existence and maintain its operation. Therefore, they deserve to get all services which are provided by the government. The second point usually made is that only the government could provide some fundamental services. Authorities could require the inhabitants to join the army when the nation’s interest is seriously threatened, for example, in order to protect its country. Politicians could also send troops to protect people when emergency situations occur: tsunami, floods, and forest fires, to name but a few.

             However, it is more likely that elected officials should only pay attention to some services and let the citizens take part in developing the country. To begin with, it is generally believed that it would be a waste of money if the government had to manage a wide range of services. A lot of people would be employed in order to operate these businesses, meaning that people would have to pay more and more taxes. Furthermore, it is often claimed that the quality of services which are provided by democracies is not as high as expected. As a consequence of this, it would be wise to encourage private companies to join the market and provide some services which do not relate to national security such as entertainment, arts and so on.

            In conclusion, it cannot be denied that the government’s role in providing services for the society is very important; however, it would be essential for private groups to take part in providing some quality services. Politicians should inspire more and more individuals or groups to take part in developing the country.

  
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Mister Micawber  #480922  Sun, 24 Feb 08 05:13 AM
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I have underlined some problem areas (mostly regarding word choice)In addition, I don't believe you have presented a clear and detailed argument.  It would be wiser to select only one side of the question and defend that more vigorously:

 

There is no doubt that a government plays an important part in developing one country. Some people hold a position that a government should not only build roads, control the national military, and provide water for its citizens but also provide all other services. However, others stand a very different ground. This essay will outline some arguments for and against the importance of a government’s role in providing services for its people.

            There are good reasons why some people believe that politicians should provide all services for the society. First of all, people pay the tax to bring the government come into existence and maintain its operation. Therefore, they deserve to get all services which are provided by the government. The second point usually made is that only the government could provide some fundamental services. Authorities could require the inhabitants to join the army when the nation’s interest is seriously threatened, for example, in order to protect its country. Politicians could also send troops to protect people when emergency situations occur: tsunami, floods, and forest fires, to name but a few.

             However, it is more likely that elected officials should only pay attention to some services and let the citizens take part in developing the country. To begin with, it is generally believed that it would be a waste of money if the government had to manage a wide range of services. A lot of people would be employed in order to operate these businesses, meaning that people would have to pay more and more taxes. Furthermore, it is often claimed that the quality of services which are provided by democracies is not as high as expected. As a consequence of this, it would be wise to encourage private companies to join the market and provide some services which do not relate to national security such as entertainment, arts and so on.

            In conclusion, it cannot be denied that the government’s role in providing services for the society is very important; however, it would be essential for private groups to take part in providing some quality services. Politicians should inspire more and more individuals or groups to take part in developing the country.

 

  
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FirstStrike  #480967  Sun, 24 Feb 08 08:09 AM
 Thanks for your comments. It's very kind of you to spend your valuable time helping me correct my essay. Thank you again. Best wishes to you Mister Micawber!
  
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