IELTS practice- please comment on my poor essay!

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Anonymous  #535774  Wed, 02 Jul 08 01:11 PM

Present a written argument or case to an educated non-specialist
audience on the following topic.

The private motor vehicle has greatly improved individual freedom of movement. Moreover,the automobile has become a status symbol.
Yet the use of private motor vehivles has contributed to some od today's most serious problems.

How can the use of private motor vehicles be reduced?

You should write at least 250 words.

 
<my essay>

To reduce the usage of private motor vehicles, I think promotion of the usage of train and political plan to make train/bus friendly town are necessary.

The average life style of the people lives in country side has changed from my childhood. I live in the middle population city and near the station. My neighborhood used to be so crowded with the people who come to shopping and eating, it was sometimes even difficult to walk though the main street because of the crowed. However, things has changed a lot since then, the main street is not crowded anymore and able to go though by bicycle, not the few shops closed and the shutter never opened again, which makes the street less attractive. People moved to a big shopping mole with large parking space for shopping and dinning out. Once they obtained private vehicle, they go where parking fee is free and easy to drive to. Even the public hospital, library has moved to out side of city centre, sometimes unable to reach there by train, which helped the motor vehicle society progress.

It is, for some reason, feels uncomfortable to say I do not own a car to someone. First time I drove to Kobe by myself with friend, I felt like I am an adult, car was like a wing to me because I thought I can go anywhere I want to. I do not deny the convenience and advantages of the car but this is one of the cause of global warming, city congestion, and air pollution.

If the car owner calculate the whole fee for fuel, insurance, parking, vehicle body and compensatory payment from the accident you killed someone, this might be the best way to reduce the private car usage.

 

  
julielai  #537790  Mon, 07 Jul 08 03:38 PM
 
Anonymous

The average life style of the people lives in country side has changed from my childhood. I live in the middle population city and near the station. My neighborhood used to be so crowded with the people who come to shopping and eating, it was sometimes even difficult to walk though the main street because of the crowed. However, things has changed a lot since then, the main street is not crowded anymore and able to go though by bicycle, not the few shops closed and the shutter never opened again, which makes the street less attractive. People moved to a big shopping mole with large parking space for shopping and dinning out. Once they obtained private vehicle, they go where parking fee is free and easy to drive to. Even the public hospital, library has moved to out side of city centre, sometimes unable to reach there by train, which helped the motor vehicle society progress.

It is, for some reason, feels uncomfortable to say I do not own a car to someone. First time I drove to Kobe by myself with friend, I felt like I am an adult, car was like a wing to me because I thought I can go anywhere I want to. I do not deny the convenience and advantages of the car but this is one of the cause of global warming, city congestion, and air pollution.

This is somewhat irrelevant, I'm afraid.

  
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Anonymous  #538182  Tue, 08 Jul 08 09:22 AM
Hi Julielai,

I appreciate your attention!

irrelevan... maybe I do not understand what the essay is.

  
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