IELTS Writing with a topic : Modern Technology

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Hi Everyone,

I need your valuable feedback for my ielts essay.

I appreciated your kindness and help.

Regards,

Theresia

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Modern technology is transforming the way we work and is of benefit to our society. How far you think our social lives influenced by modern technology.

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One modern technology which has transformed the social life is online social networking, such as Facebook, Twitter, Friendster, and MySpace. These online social networking connects people from around the world. People come from different continents, races, cultures and religions. People are able to meet old friends and meet new friends. There are no more boundaries for them to network with many people. Moreover, they do not have any difficulties to share any kinds of information to each other. By using the mouse on their right hand, people can always catch up and chat with their ex-colleagues, family, and friends who are in different location and time zone. Furthermore, the high speed internet home broadband is able to support a video conferencing and streaming. It is a tool used to share any kinds of information through the air media. We do not need to step out from our house to meet with our colleagues. Certainly, people would have more time managing their personal life and work life. Nevertheless online technology for social networking, it is still lack of human touch.
New Member19
Theresia:
Your essay answers the question of how and what technology affects our social lives, but not "how far." The first sentence or two should make a statement related to the question; your thesis statement.
wijaya.theresiaOne modern technology which has transformed our the social life is online social networking, such as Facebook, Twitter, Friendster, and MySpace. These online social networking connects ( subject-verb agreement) people from around the world. People come from different continents, races, cultures and religions. People are able to meet old friends and meet new friends. There are no more boundaries for them to network with many people. Moreover, they do not have any difficulties to share any kinds of information with to each other. By using the mouse (what about the monitor, keyboard, and webcam?) on their right hand, people can always catch up and chat with their ex-colleagues, family, and friends who are in a different location and time zone (plural might be better here). Furthermore, the high speed internet home broadband is able to support a video conferencing and streaming. It is a tool used to share any kinds of information through the air media (air media is TV and radio - there is internet over satellite connections, but most high speed internet connections go by cable). We do not need to step out from our house to meet with our colleagues. Certainly, people would (why do you use the conditional here?) have more time managing their personal life and work life. Nevertheless online technology for social networking, it is still lacking of the human touch.
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Hi Alpheca*,

Thanks a lot for your help Emotion: smile. In the mean time, I am focusing on listening practices for two to three weeks. afterthat, I will continuing my writing practice.

I appreciated your asistance and help Emotion: smile

Thanks so much

Regards,

Theresia
Anonymous:
hi my name is vjy, i m really agree with that but can u think that this kind of networking some time make big problems.I heard about london, may be u heard to about that mad and crazzy kind of womenizer. he was just chat with girls on facebook and other sources,can prapose the girls and than he was using them.But once he was chatting with one anmatured girl and luckly her mother saw that than after she, her mother start to chat with him as that girl and he called him in lonley place and she informed poloce as well .Finally he caught,than he confess that he already used 16 girls like that so

this is good networking but not as good as we think.

thanks one of ur friend..................
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