Just a dream?

   Share on Facebook  
Myle  #397238  Fri, 27 Jul 07 09:30 AM
Oh blade, you are so cold
My life is returning back
I don't feel the pain
The darkness is my sight
The deafness is my voice
The void is my mind
God, hear my plea as I come to you
Blade, you are so hot
I can fly.
But my dream is slipping
Your face is still there
I hear my name
I return back
The blade is removed
The blood has stopped
There is just a scar

...I woke up,
it was a dream.
Yeah, I am pretty sure.
But I cannot deceive myself
I am completely drained.


Could some check for syntax errors?
  
Not Ranked
Joined on Tue, Apr 10 2007
Greece
New Member (18)
Quantumly_Dreaming  #398729  Tue, 31 Jul 07 06:44 AM
You should work on adding more depth and showing things. It seems somewhat too bland, purposely or not. But it could be well, just needs more individualistic kick and voice.
  
Not Ranked
Joined on Mon, Jul 30 2007
New Member (07)
"You can give us chains or you can give us wings, but our minds remain, forever, ours."
AddThis Feed Button RSS Feed: Poetry
© 2008 MediaCET Ltd.
Terms and Conditions & Terms of Service