Kindly check my para writing!!

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Creativeguru

#519434 Tue, 27 May 08 05:25 AM

Dr. Rajesh Talwar who was arrested on Friday for allegedly killing his 14-year-old daughter and domestic help will be seeking bail today.

His lawyer had filed two applications in the court. First, stating that Dr. Rajesh Talwar is asthma patient so he needs proper medical treatment. Second, is for bail, since the Police do not have any prima facie evidence against him.

On the other hand even the police had moved the court for seeking Dr. Rajesh custody. All the applications will come up for hearing today at a Noida court.

It would be interesting to see what stand court will take today. Although the police is saying that Dr. Rajesh is the prime suspect but they are lacking evidence for the same.

Kindly check for grammar errors and please tell me how much you will rate me on the scale of 10 points for my writing style but with honestly

Creativeguru

Joined on Fri, Feb 8 2008

India

Regular Member (749)

Grammar, Writing Styles

ChinsonTan

#520093 Wed, 28 May 08 03:47 PM

it is too much pofessional terms.

but the first sentence is too long to fully understand quickly. and it is better to divide into several sentences.

ChinsonTan

Joined on Tue, May 22 2007

Shenzhen

Junior Member (55)

Honesty · Faithfulness · Cooperation Friendship is more important than Business CHINSON TAN

Grammar Geek

#520095 Wed, 28 May 08 03:54 PM

Hi CG,

Dr. Rajesh Talwar, who was arrested on Friday for allegedly killing his 14-year-old daughter and domestic help, will be seeking bail today.

His lawyer had filed two applications in the court. The first stated that Dr. Rajesh Talwar is an asthma patient and thus needs proper medical treatment. The second application is for bail, since the police do not have any prima facie evidence against him.

On the other hand even the police had moved the court for seeking Dr. Rajesh custody. - I don't understand this sentence.

All the applications will come up for a hearing today at a Noida court.

It will be interesting to see what stand the court will take today. Although the police are saying that Dr. Rajesh is the prime suspect, they lack any evidence to prove his guilt.

Do you really know what evidence the police do or do not have? Always use the plural verb with police.

Grammar Geek

Joined on Tue, Jan 10 2006

Pennsylvania, USA

Veteran Member (16,067)

Barbara, who answers in American English.

Verbs, Plurals

Creativeguru

#520371 Thu, 29 May 08 06:03 AM

Thanks GG. Please clarify the following

Dr. Rajesh Talwar, who was arrested on Friday for allegedly killing his 14-year-old daughter and domestic help, will be seeking bail today.>>>( do we to write a domestic help)

His lawyer had filed two applications in the court. The first stated that Dr. Rajesh Talwar is an asthma patient and thus needs proper medical treatment. The second application is for bail, since the police do not have any prima facie evidence against him. (is ‘the bail’ is inappropriate here)

On the other hand even the police had moved the court for seeking Dr. Rajesh custody. - I don't understand this sentence.>>> I want to say The police had moved the court to allow them to retain Dr. Rajesh in there custody so they can carry forward the investigation