Kindly check the para for grammar

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Creativeguru  #491710  Sat, 22 Mar 08 05:21 AM
I boarded a train from Mumbai heading towards Pune. I got the companions in the group of businessmen sitting next to me. They were discussing the future of politics in the country, debating about the results of forthcoming general elections. One said, the congress will grab the large chuck of middle class votes as they presented the populist budget this financial year won everyone’s heart. Other men instantly shot the words like rocket, he was of opine that all this is just a perception, that Government serious thinks about the middle class and poor of the country. Progress in only restricted to urban, so many farmers are committing suicides everyday, millions are still below poverty line, millions still go to bed without eating, millions struggle with their lives living with $2 per day. Other person nodded agreeing to his views. By the rime train chugs at the station, I really liked their conversations how time passed me I didn’t released, I reached my destiny, I disembarked from the train thinking they were politicians or businessmen
  
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Creativeguru  #491837  Sat, 22 Mar 08 02:03 PM
I boarded a train from Mumbai heading towards Pune. I got the companions in the group of businessmen sitting next to me. They were discussing the future of politics in the country, debating about the results of forthcoming general elections. One said, the congress will grab the large chuck of middle class votes as they presented the populist budget this financial year won everyone’s heart. Other men instantly shot the words like rocket, he was of opine that all this is just a perception, that Government serious thinks about the middle class and poor of the country. Progress in only restricted to urban, so many farmers are committing suicides everyday, millions are still below poverty line, millions still go to bed without eating, millions struggle with their lives living with $2 per day. Other person nodded agreeing to his views. By the rime train chugs at the station, I really liked their conversations how time passed me I didn’t released, I reached my destiny, I disembarked from the train thinking they were politicians or businessmen
  
RayH  #491885  Sat, 22 Mar 08 05:51 PM
Well, here is my shot at your story. I split it up into separate sentences to make it easier to work on. My comments and suggestions are in square brackets under each of your original sentences.


I boarded a train from Mumbai heading towards Pune.
[Strictly speaking "a" is correct here but it is far more common for native speakers to say "I boarded the train..."]


I got the companions in the group of businessmen sitting next to me.
[I found myself sitting next to a group of businessmen.]


They were discussing the future of politics in the country, debating about the results of forthcoming general elections.
[They were discussing the future of politics in the country, debating what the results of the forthcoming general election might be.]


One said, the congress will grab the large chuck of middle class votes as they presented the populist budget this financial year won everyone’s heart.
[One said the congress will grab a large chuck of the middle class vote, as they presented a populist budget this fiscal year and won everyone's heart.]


Other men instantly shot the words like rocket, he was of opine that all this is just a perception, that Government serious thinks about the middle class and poor of the country.
[Another man strongly disagreed, he was of opinion that all this is wrong, that the Government seriously thinks about the middle class and the poor of the country.]


Progress in only restricted to urban, so many farmers are committing suicides everyday, millions are still below poverty line, millions still go to bed without eating, millions struggle with their lives living with $2 per day.
[It's not clear here who is expressing this opinion. Is it one of the businessmen or is it the author of the story or someone else? You need to clarify this. By the way, the repetition of the word millions here is a good touch. It really emphasizes the number of people in distress.
Progress is restricted to urban areas, many farmers are committing suicide every day, millions are living below the poverty line, millions go to bed without eating, millions struggle to live on $2 per day.]


Other person nodded agreeing to his views.
[Some of the others nodded in agreement.]


By the rime train chugs at the station, I really liked their conversations how time passed me I didn’t released, I reached my destiny, I disembarked from the train thinking they were politicians or businessmen
[Even though "rime" is technically correct here it is an extremely uncommon word--I'm a native speaker of English and I had to look it up. I would recommend not using it or providing some context to justify its use.
I was so interested in their conversation that I was surprised when the [rime?] train chugged into the station. I hadn't released the time was passing so quickly. Having reached my destination, I disembarked from the train wondering if they were politicians or businessmen.]
  
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Clive  #491887  Sat, 22 Mar 08 05:57 PM

Hi,

I boarded a train from Mumbai heading towards Pune. My companions were the group of businessmen sitting next to me. They were discussing the future of politics in the country, debating the results of the forthcoming general elections. One said the Congress will grab the largest chunk of middle-class votes, as the populist budget they presenetd this financial year won everyone’s heart. Another man instantly shot back words like rockets. He was of the opinion that all this is just a perception that the Government serious thinks about the middle class and poor of the country. Hesaid that progress is only restricted to urban areas, so many farmers are committing suicide everyday, millions are still below the poverty line, millions still go to bed without eating, and millions struggle to live on $2 per day. Another person nodded, agreeing to his views. By the time the train chugged into the station, I was really enjoyong their conversations.  how time passed me I didn’t released <<< ???  When I reached my destination, I disembarked from the train, thinking they were politicians or businessmen.

Best wishes, Clive 

  
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Creativeguru  #491891  Sat, 22 Mar 08 06:06 PM
Thanks a lot dear for such a analyses and by the way that is not 'rime', it's 'time', it was silly typing mistake and I am sorry about that, unnecessarily it made your grey cell working over it.
  
Creativeguru  #491894  Sat, 22 Mar 08 06:18 PM
Thanks Clive the line with you highlighted there I meant to say . I hadn't released the time was passing so quickly, but i putted in poetry manner is that doesn't convince the meaning
  
Marius Hancu  #491899  Sat, 22 Mar 08 06:22 PM
 but i putted in poetry manner is that doesn't convince [??] the meaning

 

  
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Creativeguru  #491912  Sat, 22 Mar 08 07:19 PM
I want that line to be in idiomatic phrase
  
Marius Hancu  #491918  Sat, 22 Mar 08 07:30 PM
 Fine, work  at it.
  
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