I want to learn to speak clearly-What do I have to know/do?

Cláudio from Brasil writes.

There are several good responses to your inquiry. There is however, a peace of information that could be added and I apologize if you already know it but, some or maybe all news anchor are reading their texts from a screen placed in front of them called a teleprompter. They are professionally trained to speak in a certain tone and rythm as I am sure you're aware of. Also anywhere in world it is difficult to develop and maintain relationships of anykind. Communication is not just about speaking to people and the small groups of friends or acquittances that surround you and, tend to greatly influence your thoughts and behavior. Communicating well is the result perhaps, of  a natural joy that comes  from the set of your life experiences. You know what, try to move to the fun part of life. Relax, travel, don't read technical boring stuff. Read fun thoughtful literary works. Get to know people that are fun, they like reading then add traveling eating, dancing and sports you can do those things at any age. The this happens the stories, comments, jokes you want to tell will  be expressed with the joy and self-confidence of someone who is having a good time in life. Have a joyous time in life don't alow yourself or someone else to force you in the direction of  downing obsessions. Words, words they are so much more beautyful when dictated by good feelings.  Have a good time.

Anonymous wrote:

hi i m workimg in bpo..sometimes i fumble while speaking...i don't know how to over come with it..plz help me

I´m going to use this today as my way of letting out and trying to understand what happened to me today. Then I´m going to conclude how I can help myself overcome this problem.

Today I was the host of a book discussion we held at the university. We were seven people in the room. I had prepared an outline for the discussion and reread the chapter to assure myself I could remember the location of info I read in case I had to make reference to it.  As the discussion started I made the mistake of trying to let things flow too much and in about 5 minutes covered almost the whole chapter. Then I tried to develop the discussion according to the feedback I was recieving and that was a disaster. There was no coherency in the discussion and I found myself at a loss for words. The next 25-30 minutes were a nightmare. I found myself trying to improvise trusting that I knew the chapter well. The problem was that I am very bad at expressing my thoughts, putting them to words. In our discussion, I would say two words to begin a sentence and then stop to figure out what the rest of the sentence was going to say. There were odd silences while the group waited for me to finish the sentences. As this progressed I became more and more self-concious and started excusing my incapacities in front of the group. All I wanted to do was to get the meeting over with. 

This is not the first time I have difficulties trying to put my thoughts into words. It´s a real struggle, sometimes very frustrating. I´m a law student and it really frustrates me because thoughts of incompetence creep in and try to take control of my mind. And once you´ve gotten accostumed to frustrations you tend to feel comfortable feeling inadequate; self-pity takes over. It´s a feeling a part of your mind rejects but the other part welcomes in like an old friend. 

From a positive perspective, I´m glad I experiencied this failure in my life. God wants to shape me in his image and experiences like these really test my character. The question I have to ask myself is what am I going to do about it.  Will I continue to feed my feeling of self-pity or am I going to take the necessary steps to correct this? 

Driving back home after the discussion, after having scolded myself for such a horrible performance, the thought of looking for help was revolving in my mind but also was the thought of the time I was going to have to spend trying to improve my oral communication skills. "I want improvement and I want it now. I don´t want it a year from now.", I thought. But as the day has worn by I´ve begun to think more clearly about the situation, and after reading the helpful postings of this discussion, I can come to some conclusions as to how I can solve my speech problem. 

First of all, if I would have stuck with the gameplan (the outline) the organization would have been better and, as a matter of fact, I could have expressed my ideas more clearly, coherently and with more fluidity.  Secondly, I should practice frequently oral excersises were I have to organize info and express it in a coherent manner.  Thirdly, I have to acquire books related to this topic. And lastly, maybe I should pay a visit to a professional who could equip me with the necessary tools to overcome my oral deficiency.

Any other advice is welcome. It´s really comforting when you find other people going through the exact same thing. I hope this discussion keeps delving more deeply on the subject. 

I find this topic so relevant and it is a relief to have happened into this thread. Most of my life I did blush, but it was only when people stated something that rang true on an emotional level (as if they were peering into my heart/soul). So blushing isn't that big of a problem... Here goes. Two years ago, I was on the receiving end of back to back tragedies. An auto accident and the unexpected sudden death of my 42 yr old spouse. I have what they are calling mild traumatic brain injury to my temporal lobes. (they say this area is all about emotion.) I have a masters degree and have been published. The written word has always flowed easier than the spoken word. Now, even more so. I find that when speaking to my sister I am pretty smooth. We talk on the phone daily for a few minutes. We don't talk about stressful things. But when I am there with her in person, and her children are in the room. There is so much stimulus that my voice slows and gets choppy. In more professional situations, I could be speaking to 1, 2, or a few people that I see everyday...as I am my first sentence... it is already falling apart. The recipient cocks their head, as if to try and understand. Then they give the answer to the question they think I was asking. (not actually the answer I needed). After I hear their answer, I can see how they interpreted my question. I admit my challenge with 'getting it right' and state my question in a different order (hopefully closer to the actual question that needs to be answered.)  Sometimes, it comical. I start laughing at some of the things that come out of my mouth. When I laugh, others know they can laugh, too. Then I am relieved and can, if needed, shoot at the questions for the 3rd time. 

Also, most jokes go right over my head. Humor wasn't really used when I was a child growing up. My father was my only parent. He wouldn't really talk to us about 'our day'. He talked when there was something we didn't do.... or we did wrong (I know this isn't unsual for that generation). As I think more clearly about all these things, it would appear that having been 'knocked off my feet' 2 years ago... that it launched me into a massive state of "self-doubt" (Someone mentioned this earlier.)  I am also very passive in that I won't 'stand up' for myself or even ask important questions of people I am paying to help me thru this. (Which is understandable, I guess) Strange because I was so not that way in my career as a project manager. I was a leader of 80 some odd, creative professionals producing multi-million dollar educational software programs 

In my present state of being, I do find it easier to spend time with people that didn't know me before all this happened. They accept me for who I am (delays and misunderstandings abound!) because they have nothing to compare it to. They cut me slack because they know only what I have been like 4 months ago, or 3 months ago. They see how far I come each month.

 I look forward to the day when I will speak with ease, again.  A day, when my thoughts and the ability to get them out occurs in a succinct and timely fashion. Yes, the day I ask the question as it exists in my mind... and receive the actual answer--will be cause for celebration! 

We are all a work in progress. I just have a better excuse, than most. I don't lean on the excuse. It doesn't stop me from facing this head on every day.  I also would like to add that I love who I am more now than before. I am a better human being in that I am present and grateful for each day. When it comes down to it... I wouldn't go back... forward is the only path for me. Best to all of you in your quest for understanding and growth.

hi buddy,this is atul here...i too suffered with a similar problem and in my case it was coupled with the problem of speaking very too fast..and i was loosing my confidence over it as i was never able to say what i actualy wanted too,or i had to device new very small sentences that conveyed my messages and which i could speak with reasonable accuracy and clearity..i think its some kind of genetic nervous disorder as my father also has a habit of speaking fast,though he is much crisper than me.. but from the last two months i have sort of learned to fight this demon nd overcome this problem completely by the help of a book called "the powers of your subconcious mind"...i am now speaking much more clear,crisper and i am also using my vocab. much better now..i would not like to go in detail about the book -which has actually changed my life- but i would just tell you how to overcome this particular problem.. just remember that your mind has two partitions the conscious and the subconcious..and the subconscious part is very very powerful..nd below i m tellin u how to programme ur subconcious to make u speak clear and crisp without a trace of hesitation.. step 1 put off the lights and sit on a comfortable armchair or lie straight on your bed without a pillow beneath ur neck,inhale-exhale 5-8 times slowly,each breath calming and relaxing you..now close your eyes and order each of ur organs to be realaxed viz."my feet are relaxed(feel it),my ankles are relaxed..each and every cell of my body is now completely relaxed.." step 2 now reassure the relaxed state of ur mind by uttering 'i m calm,i m composed,i am happy' try to speak these words aloud 3-5 times and the most important part;FEEL every word as u say it.. step 3 now u r ready to unleash the supernormal potential of ur sub concious mind..u hav to now give controlled and specific direction to ur subconcious..i ur case u may say...'from today onwards,with your(remember that u r actually talkin to your subconcious) help iwill speak as cleary as any human could,everything that i want to speak without any hesitation whatsoever..and i would like to thank you for giving me the power to do so and if i ever hesitate,you would guide me to the right path' have full faith in the powers of ur subconcious and utter these words aloud atleast 3 times..u may edit and make ur own directive sentence depending upon your problem.. but the important part here is to stay calm and serene and composed. step 4 now that you have unlocked your subconsious stay in this calm relaxed posture and utter aloud any tongue twister like 'she sells sea shells on the sea shore' or something of the sort 3-4 times.dont try too hard.just cut yourself loose and try to hear each word as clearly as would please you.repeat this step 3-4 tmes...thats it!!now just thank lord almighty,and your subconcious mind and fall asleep.. remember to do this everyday in the night and whenever in the day u hesitate again just firmly order ur subconcious by tellin it'i am bound to speak as good as anyone,and i cant hesitate at all'.but remember never try to force it.. i promise that this problem would be vanished from day one...if u need any more help u can mail me any time @ <email address removed by mod.> .take care..keep smiling and be happy as your problem is cured...your friend..atul bafna,udaipur,rajasthan,india..