I want to learn to speak clearly-What do I have to know/do?

Hi,

I find practising helps.  I used to do this also: say something once, and if I don't think it passes my clarity standards, I'll rephrase it.  Eventually, I'm doing less rephrasing.

Hope that helps.

I stumbled across this discussion unintentionally, looking for something completely unrelated, but was intrigued by the problems described, which relate to some I have experienced myself.  Although there may not be any link in individual cases, Grrrr's connection of poor speaking with blushing is highly relevant and the following are my thoughts after years of self-observation and thought.

It is important to realise that neither problem is actually very important objectively, except perhaps causing some irritation and distraction to others present who find it difficult to understand your behaviour, but it takes on great seriousness in the eyes of the sufferer and can cause considerable self-loathing and even despair.  I believe that both problems are symptoms of an abnormally heightened conciousness of one's self (which in itself is an attribute of intelligence, thoughtfulness and sensitivity).  If you try harder to overcome these problems the result is a vicious circle of heightened self-conciousness.  I agree with Grrrrrr that the solution to blushing is to ignore it, but that can be impossibly difficult.  I have found that speaking to a group of people is actually easier than talking one-on-one, especially if you are being asked questions and forced to think of the answer under pressure, rather than concentrating on the words themselves.  The reason for this is that the concentration required for this, takes your attention away from yourself.  In a more relaxed environment, you can suddenly find yourself drawing attention to yourself, blushing and/or finding it difficult to express youself naturally.

This un-controllable behaviour is a form of self-punishment, leading to feelings of guilt and self-pity, which in turn reinforces the reaction next time it is triggered.  I have discovered that it is no good trying to understand why or what might be causing the problem (which may not be anything significant), but I can say how I cured it, or at least got it reduced to a level not noticed by other people.  You need the help of someone you entirely trust and who trusts you, in my case my partner.  First admit you have a problem, and explain all your feelings honestly.  This is probably the most difficult and painful step.  

Once your partner understands the problem (if not already too well aware), you need to establish a daily or weekly routine roughly along the following lines.  Probably unlike your previous attempts at a cure, the aim is not to tackle the problem itself directly, but rather the effects which it produces, mainly irrational guilt and self-pity.  My partner agreed to note the offending behaviour, but ignore it.  However, at regular intervals my partner would ask me to go over my feelings of every incident of self-conciousness I had suffered since last time, adding any additional observations if I "forgot".  This was quite painful at first, and my partner would mercilessly reprimand me.  This has to be done quite severely without any sympathy, because it is essential to avoid any expression of pity which will lead to that most negative of emotions, self-pity.  My partner would terminate the quite unpleasant chastisement with an admonishment that I stop this undesirable behaviour followed by a sharp slap which closed the matter symbolically, cleared my feelings of guilt, stopped all further discussion, and allowed us both to put the confrontation behind us without any brooding or rancour.  We would resume normal relations with a clean slate until the next session.     

These sessions were quite tiring and mentally painful at the time, even more so for my partner who had to force an unsympathetic coldness and lack of pity which did not come naturally.  But in a matter of days I found a noticeable improvement in my feelings about myself, and after a few weeks the problem of self-conciousness gradually receded from my thoughts, and the "treatment" was needed less and less, eventually stopping altogether.