Letter of Motivation - could someone have a read-through please?

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LoveDave  #302609  Sun, 10 Dec 06 11:31 PM
Dear All,

   I am currently enrolled at a course of studies that doesn't fit my needs and am looking for a different one. However, the university I want to enroll at is a small one and chooses their students well. Furthermore, I would need to start mid term, my current course of studies does not entirely match theirs, so they will have to well consider if they're gonna take me or not...
   I thus will need a really strong letter of motivation, without any grammar mistakes on top of it. If someone could read through it, check on mistakes and give me some feedback on what I could do better or which points I could elaborate on, I'd be eternally thankful. Cheers Smile [:)]


Dave


  
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Joined on Sun, Dec 10 2006
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LoveDave  #302617  Mon, 11 Dec 06 12:06 AM
Ok, as I cannot copy and paste my letter nor attach it as a word document and since it is rather urgent, I will now re-type it. If nothing else, I'll improve my typing skills that way...


Dear Sir or Madam,


    I researched the courses in business administration nationwide, using the internet, other students' opinions, in-depth talks with student advisors in both Osnabrueck and Gelsenkirchen, and finally a conversation with one of your staff, Mr. Gerhard Mueller, and am convinced that your course of studies matches my interests perfectly.

    I am 29 years old and have been traveling for most of the past ten years. Initially my interests were in self development, paired with a strong fascination for my surroundings. Working in a team, or playing in a team, for that matter, has always been my approach to problem solving. I take great pride in my ability to emphasize with people around me and have been successful and welcomed by my former employers and colleagues. Having gathered professional experience worldwide and in many, most different fields, I have developed a strong personality and a good understanding of business, resulting in the firm wish to study business administration.

    Currently I am enrolled in a course called "International Business Law and Management" in Recklinghausen. Since I am far more attracted to the topic of business than law and furthermore longing to take a course that is in English entirely, I would like to change to your course this summer. However, I will take part in this semester's tests and am confident to pass them. I thus hope that you will take my credit points to be gained into consideration and let me start partaking in your course in the second semster.

    Most of my years abroad I have spent in Thailand. I feel deep affection towards this beautiful country and have studied the language to a rather high level. My ultimate career goal is to manage a successful company with operations in Thailand as well as Germany.

    My love for management is explained by my dedication to solving problems and team playing. I like to reach not only my goals but to determine common ones and help other people to reach theirs. I have a passion for leaing people without using elbow and to achieve seemingly impossible tasks.
   
    Armed with a large set of experiences and curiosity, I am looking forward to joining your course of studies to get the best out of it. I am certain that both, your university and myself, will be able to profit from this relationship.

Sincerely,


...



  
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