Letter of Motivation/Cover Letter

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hey guys im applying for an international study program. my letter is not finished yet. but i would like to hear any comments about what i've done so far...

I'm working with this particular layout:
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First Paragraph: "Why I'm Writing" -- Introduction of self and statement of interest.

Second Paragraph:"How I'm Qualified."Briefly describe your academic and professional qualifications.

Third Paragraph:"Why I'm Right for this Job."

Fourth (or last) Paragraph:"What Steps I'll Take to Make Sure We Talk Further about My Qualifications."
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I wrote paragraph 1 and 2, which are still not sufficient...in my mind. Some phrases are pretty standart, gonna replace them. just wanted to finish the pragraph for an overview. hope you can contributeto a great result at the end of the process. by time im gonna add the other paragraps and hopefully improved paragraphs

Paragraph 1:

With my birth in Russia my internationally career was introduced. It conducted me to Germany and from there in various countries of Europe. Now it’s time to boost my internationally career up to a new level. And the Netherlands are predestined for this matter with their unique distinguished education system. And at the peak of it appears your Institute. I’m truly convinced that the “xxx program” will redefine my international career. Therefore I want to apply for a place in our “xxx program”.
Paragraph 2:

After my regular graduation I decided to specialize with economic and languages. Thus, I participated to a special program of a Commercial College at the Berufskolleg Neuss. The name of the program is European Business Class and the emphases are commercial, languages and informatics. The most classes took place with the emphasis commercial and also in English. Additionally, I learned an extra language with Spanish. Projects which took place by every class in regularity are a feature of this program too. After the first year of the commercial college I’ve accomplished a work placement by the finance company LBS. Over 3 weeks competent knowledge in finance, responsibly working and dealing with customers was added to my universe.

In order of the focus languages I performed a work placement in Eastbourne, England for two weeks. There, I attended to a work placement by the company Association of Charity Shops. In order of the placement I gained experience from all aspects of this company and interacting with English speaking people. Thus, I experienced the satisfaction of working with the English language.

To enhance my higher education I decided to run a work placement by the renowned advertising agency BBDO. Thereby, I dealt with many customers and also English speaking customers. This work placement taught me to performing responsibly affairs by my own and under pressure. Furthermore, many huge in-house projects took place with my attendance.
New Member27
Hi,

with regard to paragraph 1: you are writing to them because there is an opportunity not because you were everywhere. Millions of people are born in Russia but this is not a reason for an international career. If you want to, you can point of your international experience, but this is something different. In my opinion the first paragragh is a desaster because it misses the point.

The second paragraph is better.

Best wishes,

Kathrin
Full Member152
thanks for the advice...just wants to make something that attracts attention. Do you think i should phrase it more traditionally?

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well here a different version of the second paragraph:

After my regular graduation I decided to specialize with commercial and languages. Thus, I participated to a special program of a Commercial College at the Berufskolleg Neuss. The name of the program is European Business Class and the emphases include:

--Extended foreign language abilities (Besides the lesson English, the economic classes were taught in English. Plus, two years Spanish).

--A special subject „Business Administration” provided knowledge about history, economic and culture of the other European countries.

--Variety outdoor activities advanced attainments in scheduling of projects, presentation and informatics. Furthermore, an intercultural training and the work placement abroad of the EBC students equipped basics in intercultural affairs.

After the first year of the commercial college I’ve accomplished a work placement by the finance company LBS. Over 3 weeks competent knowledge in finance, responsibly working and dealing with customers was added to my capabilities.

In order of the focus languages I attended a work placement in Eastbourne, England for two weeks. There, I performed to a work placement by the company Association of Charity Shops. Due to the work placement I gained experience from all aspects of this company and interacting with English speaking people. Thus, I experienced the satisfaction of working with the English language.

To enhance my higher education I decided to run a work placement by the renowned advertising agency BBDO. Thereby, I dealt with many customers and also English speaking customers. This work placement taught me to performing responsibly affairs by my own and under pressure. Furthermore, many huge in-house projects took place with my attendance.
Hi,

attracting attention is of course your main aim but you should do this without backfiring:-) There are many diverse ways how to attract attention. In my opinion, you had chosen not the best one but of course this is only my opinion.

They don't need the full description of your course. This should stay in the CV, not in the covering letter. You can refer to the course and show how the course has improved your skills as you did below. I would recommend to drop the first part of the second paragraph become this part leads to nowhere.

Proposal:

Following my strong interests and deducation I recently specialised (BrE) in economics and languages. To ensure the development of my knowledge, I attended a special program of the Commercial College at the Berufskolleg Neuss which focused on European Business, whereas the economical(according to my bookEmotion: smile and google) courses were completely in English.

Furthermore, after the first year concentration on theory, I've accomplished a work placement by the finance company LBS which had improved my knowledge in finance and sharpened my ability to work with clients. It was followed by an other work placement in Eastbourne, England in order to improve my English skills. At the Association fo Charity Shops I had the opportunity to gain experience within many of the departments and to work in English which has always appealed to me.

My further work placement at the advertising agency BBDO enabled me to experience work under pressure and with full responsibility.

Sorry, but I'm not really sure what I am writing about. It has something to do with your applicationEmotion: smile

Best wishes,

Kathrin
no, no need to be sorry. u might be right...im stating to think i might have put to much information in the second paragraph
Hi,

according to NonatheBrit covering letters in the UK are very short and only sounds enthusiatic, that's all but this appies only to the UK. I have a post with regard to the subject. I tried to show you that you can shorten the second paragraph.

As for me, I had success with long and with short letters in both German and English so nobody really knowEmotion: big smile

And I have to correct my previous comment: economic is the better term, although according to leo you can use them both. Sorry for the mistake.

Best wishes,

Kathrin
ok guys here we go....this is an idea of part 3....would appreciate any comments...

Part 3:

I am a very serious, goal-oriented individual motivated to evolve constantly and to equip myself with the knowledge and power to succeed in the future. One of my goals is to have the possibility to work in different departments of an international company. Furthermore I desire opportunity to work with people from all kind of cultures. Studying at my commercial college I learned to perform tasks and projects with people from different cultures and with different languages. And I also was already able to gain some experience by my internships in emphases you offer during the study.

Going through your IBE Brochure I caught up the contribution by Lonneke Hendrix and find it very impressive. It affirmed me in my conception and my ardent desire to study at your institution. Moreover I’ve obtained by the brochure, that you apply the Major-Minor Model, which I consider as an excellent way to study.

My independence and full responsibility for myself have driven me to a higher level of maturity than many of my peers, a quality that differentiates me from many other applicants.
Hi,

I would like to see the ad for the position you are applying to, otherwise we would go on for donkey's years. The trick is somehow to write focusing on the items that they had made. I can somehow see that you may be an interesting person but if your letter fits, nobody really knows. Please make a copy of the ad or at least the key itemsEmotion: smile

Best wishes,

The person who is trying to help
here the rapidshare link for the brochure about the program: http://rapidshare.com/files/36953220/Brochures_5C27.04.pdf.html
and futhermore i would like to know whether nessecary to have my documents translated to english. im applying for an english program in the netherlands.

by the way here an update of my part 3:

I am a very serious, goal-oriented individual motivated to evolve constantly and to equip myself with the knowledge and power to succeed in the future. One of my goals is work in different departments of an international company. Furthermore I desire the opportunity to work with people from all kind of cultures. And your institution with one’s Modern didactical principles provides broad education in various functions. Additionally, I admire the fact that the training stuff is available for counseling and guidance throughout the studies and also a study career supervisor. It exhibits that you care about welfare and success of your students.On account of this, I’m convinced with a bachelor degree acquired at your institution, I will be able meet my expectation and desires.

Studying at the commercial college I’ve learned to perform tasks and projects with people from different cultures and with different languages. And I also was already able to gain some experience by my internships in emphases you offer during the study.

Going through your IBE Brochure I caught up the contribution by Lonneke Hendrix and find it very impressive. It affirmed me in my conception and my ardent desire to study at your institution. Moreover I’ve obtained by the brochure, that you apply the Major-Minor Model, which I consider as an excellent way to study.

My independence and full responsibility for myself have driven me to a higher level of maturity than many of my peers, a quality that differentiates me from many other applicants.
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