Hi I've added some initial comments in red. Sort out the structure and post up another draft for help with the final version. Why are you using a capital I for the word incentives throughout?
I write to you to apply for the study course "International Tourism Management". I look at this study as a wide qualification to my present education in the job-training (this part does not make sense) for event manager / IHK. What is event manager/IHK?
This education (are you talking about the course you wish to take or the course you are already taking, I'm not sure what you mean from here onwards ![Wink [;)]](/emoticons/emotion-5.gif)
takes place in the binary system and encloses (takes not encloses) two years. The practical work in at the agency *** close to Frankfurt forms the main focus and is completed by the vocational school. The agency *** is an agency for *** and carries out events and Incentives for economic enterprises (do you mean companies) worldwide.
Besides,(cut the besides) my activities contain include preparing, planning and arrangement arranging - make sure your tenses match of events and Incentives.
In the first steps of an arrangement does not make sense we are occupied with the Research, the budget and the development of the program on site. The task is to approximate (wrong word, not sure what you mean) the land and the culture to the participant as well as to make the product experience able (not sure what you mean by able. . Thus should originate (wrong word) a balance for the guest between work and recreation.
At the organization of the arrangement, consisting of a huge number of single factors, we are demanded as a team to lead this to success. To make this success measurable, I learned the expiries in the accounting as well as in the Controlling. It inspires me over and over again a new part of the whole process to be. This whole paragraph needs a re-think. Some odd word choices (expiries? demanded?) and the structure and word order need work.
It does to me fun in the team (Rephrase- possibly 'I enjoy working in a team..) to develop something and to see how a project originates (~word choice) from communication. At my work I pursue a purpose which I have always in front of my eyes and want to achieve by structure and careful planning.
By My? experiences in my occupation and travelling in different lands determined my wish to develop my knowledge in this branch area or field. Great Britain (Should be The UK) as a strong economic nation persuades (wrong word) me as a study place. I see an international study for myself in the today's time as a chance for new perspectives and possibilities. The combination of event and tourism is for me after detailed own enquiries and conversations the right step in my following education phase re-phrase.
Many thanks for your attention. I am looking forward to hearing from you.