Hello, David. Let me preface this my telling you that I have no
idea what your business is, so I am unfamiliar with much of the
terminology. That off my chest, I think your letter is pretty
much there; my main complaint would be format, which should be
clearer. I have done so below (by creating clear paragraphs), and
included a few changes (for instance, ' has occurred to me' is more
politic than 'I have concluded'). You don't need the addressee's
email addresses in the address. One note is in brackets:
March 10, 2005
Newegg.com
132 South 6th Avenue
La Puente, CA 91746-3026
Dear Sir or Madam:
I am the owner of a gaming community for the New York area (
http://7hmgaming.com). I assumed ownership in November 2004. At that time, the site was originally called
http://theheavymachince.com.
During November 2004 – January 2005, I worked on
redesigning the site, obtaining a new name and focusing on keeping the
identity of the site and attracting new visitors. On
January 11, 2005, the new site was launched. The site focuses on
aspects of the gaming and computing world such as (FILL IN INFO HERE).
As membership has grown, I have noticed an increase in questions by members and
non-members regarding where they could obtain
specific hardware parts for their computers. I and the other moderators
of the site have always recommended your company as the company of
choice for such parts. It has occurred to me that both
our companies could benefit from an advertising partnership. I have
attached an S.W.O.T. analysis of the company and current 2005
statistics regarding our site.
Hits / Unique Visitors // Projected Hits / Unique Visitors
January 2005 / 394,959 / 1,920 // *Projected March 2005 / 1,029,453 / 4,030
February 2005 / 935,866 / 3,664 // *Projected April 2005 / 1,132,398 / 4,433
March 2005 (1st – 4th) / 534,634 / 2,493 // *Projected May 2005 / 1,302,257 / 5,098
* Projected numbers based on a 10% increase month over month for March 2005 & April 2005 and a 15% increase for May 2005
[A paragraph is needed here indicating specifically what your concept
for their involvement is-- how much of what you want from them.]
Thank you for your consideration of this possibility for mutual advantage. I look foward to...
Richard Magnano
Owner, The Heavy Machine / 7HM Gaming