Time is limited...help me with my motivation letter...THX!!!

Ooo,Abbie, I do think this revision looks better, could you help me once again:)
I am not sure about several phrases , can you help correct them? Thanks:)

LETTER OF MOTIVATION

Dear Sir or Madam:

During my education to date, my strength of character and determination to fulfil my goals enabled me to work hard and achieve good grades. Now I find myself ready to reach out for a higher educational goal, and I am applying to you to study for a BA in Cultural Anthropology and Developmental Science

My education in China was broad, including studies of Chinese ancient and modern history, modern history of the world, political economics, philosophy etc. . This variety of topics enabled me to gain an awareness of the humanities and its development. Although favouring the social sciences, I incorporated other science subjects and mathematics into my studies, which I believe has brought me much more effective tools and techniques wherever in logical analysis or rational conclusion, and moreover, it has endowed me with an objective and comprehensive attitude.

My special interest in geography has been aroused since I was a little girl, who often stood against a huge map staring at it curiously. The fascination is still there and I own a collection of maps and atlases, which supports me in my studies. I enjoy reading travel notes and magazines, and am keen on documentaries about different cultures and customs. The read about the Nobel Prize winner Pearl S. Buck’s autobiography has sent me an enlightenment saying that the best way to observe and savour a certain society or community, is to live amongst the people and get mingled with them. However, to get a systematic education and research training in such realm first is a necessity, it could help me better explore and refine the essence.

What has motivated me doesn’t limit in the very courses, but the University of Leiden and the great city in which it lies. The history, the academic records, and the applied achievements dedicated to the world over, especially the university’s historical commitment to critical thinking and the art of debate raised my interest. As an independent thinker I would love to take part in that ongoing process of change.

Furthermore, the University of Leiden owns a unique library of Chinese literature, and is undoubtedly the centre of Sinology in Europe. Touching my own country and cultural origin from an outside perspective seems to be challenging to me as well, but I do believe that from a brand new angle, I could better understand my own culture and the comparison with other countries.

During the application process, the officer’s rapid, detailed and sincere responses to my innumerable questions ensured me of my choice.

I consider myself to be insightful, intuitive and adventurous. During an unforgettable traveling to a thermal spring and water-eroded cave with a large group of contemporaries, we were shown the great landscape and figures made by the local people hundreds of years ago, from which I’ve felt the huge power of creativity and the importance of our being organized orderly, otherwise some of the spots would be ignored unconsciously. And the availability of team co-operation, core decision-making is beneficial.

The experience of being a conductor of a 60-people chorus and the planner of the whole performance, which had been put on in the municipal theatre of Hefei as a celebration of the New Year 2002, has given me a valuable and practical experience in disposing the divarication, coordination, and strategic planning. As the last programme in that celebration, with my calm and active conducting and guiding, it earned the warmest applause of the 1000 people in the audience. Learning to play the accordion for years provided me with the profound comprehension of music and the leading singing by myself during the practice period did encourage and capture the members of the chorus, which allowed me to make the performance a success.

Although I’ve got little chance to play football, for the pitch is always been occupied by boys, I am eager for being a participant singing and cheering there in the stadium together with the crazy fans dressed in the same color, waving the team flags. It’s obvious that here in China there’s rare such circumstance for football.

I believe that studying and engaging in extracurricular activities at your institution would improve my communication skills, and enrich my life experience.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Yours sincerely,
Guo Ying


?:)secondly, what type of characters is formal ??or can I just choose the one that appears clearly and nice?:)

Hi,

I think this is developing nicely. I found your expanded descrition of the choral singing / music very interesting.

The read about the Nobel Prize winner Pearl S. Buck’s autobiography has sent me an enlightenment saying that the best way to observe and savour a certain society or community, is to live amongst the people and get mingled with them.
I wonder about the phrase "has sent me an enlightenment ". To western ears it may sound almost like a religious experience. You might want to consider something like:

"I was enlightened by the autobiography of the Nobel Prize winner Pearl S. Buck, who says
that the best way to observe and EXPERIENCE a certain society or community, is to live amongst the people and SOCIALIZE with them.

However, to get a systematic education and research training in THIS FIELD first is a necessity; it could help me better explore and refine the essence OF THE SOCIETY.

"What has motivated me doesn’t limit in the very courses, but the University of Leiden - "

How about "I wish to study at the University of Leiden because of your history and sound academic record, and of course the city itself."

EXAMINING my own country and cultural origin from an outside perspective seems to be challenging to me, AND I believe that from a brand new angle, I could better understand my own culture and the comparison with other countries.

"During an unforgettable traveling to a thermal spring and water-eroded cave with a large group of contemporaries, we were shown the great landscape and figures made by the local people hundreds of years ago, from which I’ve felt the huge power of creativity and the importance of our being organized orderly, otherwise some of the spots would be ignored unconsciously. And the availability of team co-operation, core decision-making is beneficial."

"I made an unforgettable journey with a group of fellow students to NAME THE AREA HERE to
visit a a thermal spring and water-eroded cave. In addition to viewing this amazing natural phenomenon and the surrounding landscape, we also saw figures (OF WHAT?) made hundreds of years ago by the local people. This creativity made a huge impression on me, and I was grateful for the opportunity to make an organised visit to this are, which otherwise I may never have had the opportunity to see."

"And the availability of team co-operation, core decision-making is beneficial." I don't know what you mean by this.


The experience of being a conductor of a 60-people chorus and the planner of the whole performance, which had been put on in the municipal theatre of Hefei as a celebration of the New Year 2002, has given me a valuable and practical experience in disposing the divarication, coordination, and strategic planning. As the last programme in that celebration, with my calm and active conducting and guiding, it earned the warmest applause of the 1000 people in the audience. Learning to play the accordion for years provided me with the profound comprehension of music and the leading singing by myself during the practice period did encourage and capture the members of the chorus, which allowed me to make the performance a success.

I have an interest in music, and I ma the conductor of a choir of 60 people. In November 2002, I planned an entire performance which was made in the municipal theatre of Hefei as a celebration of the New Year. This gave me valuable practical experience of strategic planning and the divarication and coordination required.


As the last programme in that celebration, it earned the warmest applause of the 1000 people in the audience. I like to think that my calm and active conducting and guiding contributed to this success. During the rehersal stages, I undertook some lead singing, which proved encouraging to the members of the chorus.

I also play the accordion, and my years of musical study have provided me with a profound comprehension of music.

** Do you hope to continue with your music at University? "I maintain my interest in music, and hope that I shall be able to participate in some musical groups at Leiden."



I enjoy playing football with a female team, although we have little chance to play for the pitch is always occupied by boys. I am an avid supporter of our local football team, and love to be in the stadium singing and cheering with the other fans dressed in the team colours, and waving the team flags. Here in China we rarely have the opportunity for such football on a large scale. Perhaps in Lieden I will have more opportunity to play and watch football.


Re: font type - I would stick with something formal - Times New Roman, Ariel etc.

Thanks,Abbie!!:)
Something about CV:
1. tO be frank,I don't know how to define the word "qualifications" exactly, compare to Chinese. And something like the prize got in an instrument-playing competetion, and some other honors gained outside schools, do they belong to "qualifications"?
2. Do you think it's better to highlight the status of the school i studied in?
3. MS has the template, but it's too common to satisfy me, anyway I just wanna pick up some of the elements...:)
4.and the EXPERIENCE!!! I wonder whether a competetion that i've ever taken part in is an experience or not ...I just wanna make sure of it. (silly...hehe)
thanks...

Hi, abbie:)
I've finished my CV, I wonder whether I could send it to you...could you drop your email address ?I need your help. Thanx.To tell you the truth, I am satisfied with it:)