Hi Reviver,
You don't need to make many changes to your original ML, except for the course and details of the university!
Reviver - My education in China was broad, including studies of mathematics, physics, biology etc. Besides these science subjects, I incorporated other social science subjects like ancient and modern history of the world, political economics, philosophy. This variety of topics enabled me not only to plant an infinitive curiosity in science world but also to gain an awareness of the humanities and its development. The combination of all the courses, which I believe has brought me much more effective tools and techniques wherever in logical analysis or rational conclusion, moreover, has endowed me with an objective and comprehensive attitude.
**"mathematics, physics, biology etc." - best not to use "etc." If you don't want to list everything, put a full stop after 'biology'.
"subjects like ancient"
** 'subjects such as ...'
"...not only to plant an infinitive curiosity..."
** this just doesn't sound right, and I think you mean "infinite"
** "I studied this variety of topics because I am interested in both sciences and the humanities, and wished to achieve a balance in my education. I believe that the combined studies have equipped me with effective analytical skills, an objective approach, and the ability to draw logical and ratioal conclusions."
Reviver - My special interest in geography has been aroused since I was a little girl, and I am easily attracted by categories of lines, angles and the shadows made by columns and bricks. The fascination is still there and I own a collection of maps and atlases(pictures?), which supports me in my studies. It’s completely by chance that I caught a look at the website of Erik van Egeraat. I was motivated by the mesmerizing urban and housing design shown in it, which has been a stimulation to me. I enjoy reading travel notes and magazines, and am keen on documentaries about different cultures, especially the municipal styles of architectures, whatever ancient or modern ones. From reading have I found that the best way to observe and savour a certain society or community and the accomplishment it has achieved, is to live there and get mingled with them. However, to get a systematic education and research training in the field is a necessity, it could help me better explore and refine the essence of such a cultural structure and structured culture.
** Since I was a child, I have been fascinated by geography, and I own a collection of maps and atlases which support me in my studies. On viewing the Erik van Egeraat website, I was both motivated and mesmerizied by the urban and housing design shown, which has been a revelation to me. I enjoy reading travel notes and magazines, and am keen on documentaries about different cultures, especially the municipal styles of architectures, both ancient and modern. From my reading, I have come to the conclusion that the best way to observe and study a certain society or community and its accomplishments is to live and work amongst the people. I seek to acquire knowledge through systematic education and research in my chosen field, which will enable me better to explore the social and physical structure of society.
Reviver - What has motivated me doesn’t limit in the very courses, but ****University and the interesting lively city itself. The tradition of encouraging students to be creative, the excellent quality in research and education, especially the university’s commitment to critical thinking and problem-solving raised my interest. As an independent thinker I would love to take part in this ongoing process of change and the development of techniques. Furthermore, the information I’ve collected from the brochure has undoubtedly conveys that, the colorful student life and the outstanding facilities of **university would beautify my campus life so well. During the application process, the officer’s rapid and sincere responses ensured me of my choice. And, growing up on a typical campus of engineering institution, in which my father works, influences me a lot.
** I am motivated to apply to .... University not simply because of the courses offered, but by the reputation of the University, and the lively city within which it lies. The tradition of encouraging students to be creative, the excellent quality in research and education, and especially the University’s commitment to critical thinking and problem-solving stimulated my interest. As an independent thinker I should enjoy being part of this ongoing process, and the development of techniques. Your brochure conveys the outstanding facilities of the University, and I am attracted by the deescriptions of campus life. During the application process, the officer’s rapid and sincere responses ensured me of my choice. Further, having grown up on a typical campus of engineering institution, in which my father works, influenced my decision.
"figures of beliefs " ?? what is this???
Reviver "I maintain my interest in music whatever in classical ones or rock’n’roll, and I hope that I shall be able to participate in some musical groups at **university. "
**I maintain my interest in music, and have wide taste ranging from classical music to rock'n'roll ....."
** Be careful not to confuse "whatever" with "whether"
Reviver - "Although I’ve got little chance to play football, for the pitch is always occupied by boys ...."
** I enjoy playing football, though have limited opportunity as the pitch is always occupied by boys .... FULL STOP. NEW SENTENCE - "I am an avid supporter .......
Reviver - "in the Netherlands could I have "
** Perhaps I would have more opportunities to watch and even play football in the Netherlands
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