Looking to construct a sentence without having it collapse on itself.

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Anonymous  #556735  Wed, 20 Aug 08 03:50 AM
No matter who charges first, the end result is certain; my pike will pierce your heart. -Relon, to her enemies.

This is the sentence, but it does not seem to flow grammatically. I don't know if it is a misplaced comma or the semi-colon. This is a sentence that is meant to be read, so that does matter quite a bit. Any help is appreciated.
  
Grammar Geek  #556743  Wed, 20 Aug 08 04:24 AM

Change the semi-colon into a colon.

(I was assuming the -Relon, to her enemies. is explanatory for us. If it's not, but the rest in quotes, change the . to , and say something like "Relon declared to her enemies."

  
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