Hi, i have to write an alternate ending to Lord Of The Flies for school. Please review my piece, constructive critique please.
Chapter 13: The end of Innocence
The assortment
of savages approached, with spears in their hands and beasts in their hearts.
Ralph realised the obvious, his life was lingering.
“There he
is, after him troops” said Jack as he watched Ralph runaway into the granular
waterfront. Ralph realising he had no where to go, he surrendered himself to
Jack. “Trapped like a pig, take it to the base, we have something special
planned.” The savages marched towards Ralph like wolves, grabbing him firmly by
the arms, depriving his hands of blood.
As they
approached the entrance he looked down at the place piggy had been murdered,
his heart skipped a beat as he thought of what might happen to him. Castle
Rock, a cold dark place with a strange, inexplicable erry quality, the stone
walls where covered with the carving of primitive beasts and ritualistic
symbols. He was tied down unshakably, his feet and arms bound to an obese log.
“Jack!
Jack! You savage I’m talking to you” Ralph barked at Jack, unfazed by his rude
tone of voice Jack turned his head, ignoring Ralph, “I demand to know where
Samneric are, immediately!” Moments later Roger appeared from the forest and
spoke to Jack inaudibly, Jack nodded. “Troops prepare for the ceremony at once!”
Ordered Jack. It took six big un’s to lift the obese log, they hurled him into
the dead forest where they had something special planned for him. He fell to
the ground with a deafening thud, he saw Eric run towards him, cut his rope, he
turned around to find the big un’s that had been carrying him lying on the
floor, motionless, speechless, possibly dead. Ralph turned to Eric who quickly
took him into a hideout he had found. The air was humid and he could smell the
stench of decay and smoke. “Eric! Its really you, how did you get here?”
questioned Ralph. “I managed to escape when they all went to look for you.”
Eric said with tears in his eyes, “Where is Sam?” said Ralph knowing that
something was dreadfully wrong. “They...killed him Ralph, I-“He couldn’t speak
as the tears welled up inside of him” What? This can’t be!” he felt the anger
rage inside of him as if the beast had consumed this soul. “Quick, I hear the
savages coming, run!” they quickly ran outward towards the scar, “we can hide
behind the plane, hurry!” Ralph instructed, with a sense of chiefdom.
As the
dawn drew closer, Ralph passed out of exhaustion, Eric lying next to him
ominously. Ralph awoke to the petrifying sight of Eric lying next to him, with
blood gushing from his body and a stab wound in his neck. In the sand next to
Eric there was the words “Sorry, I couldn’t bare it anymore.” Ralph had
realised that Eric had taken his own life, and left him alone in the world. He
wasn’t as aghast as before, the last few days on the island had desensitized
him, and he was silent. The only people left on the island was Jack and him. He
pulled the knife out from Eric’s neck, blood gushing, he had to finish this, he
had to face his foe.
On
arrival to Castle Rock he took no notice of his surroundings as before, he had
his gaze fixed on revenge, the beast had taken his friends and his heart.
“Jack! You maggot-“He stopped as he found Jack lying breathlessly on the floor,
bleeding from his eyes. “The...Beast! I’m sorry” murmured Jack as his eyes
closed forever. He beast had consumed everything on the island.
He edged
near the end of the cliff, having no hope of rescue or survival, he flung
himself to the very end.
Thanks alot guys :)