Hi, nice letter overall, you've stated your case very well. I've made corrections for you highlighted in blue, and added comments and highlighted in pink other problem areas you need to re-write or clarify.

Dear Mr. -----,

I graduated from Kiev National University of Construction and Architecture in 2004 and I obtained a master degree in Architecture of Buildings and Structures. As my thesis was of high quality, I was invited to take a PhD by the exam commission. I started my PhD on September 2004 with a 3 year contract, also at Kiev University.

For various reasons I left my PhD studies and moved to the Netherlands in August 2005. Thinking of continuing my studies, I learnt about DTI before coming to the Netherlands and started my correspondence through email. I understand that according to the rules in the Netherlands, I have to follow a Dutch language course for 1.5 years before I can begin my studies, and I will be completing my course by the end of March 2007. Meanwhile, I have gathered new information and brochures through the internet and TUDelft. By getting to know more about DTI, I understood that for several reasons this is the best study and opportunity for me. One strong reason is the duration of the study, as a PhD is at least 4 years, and I am already 1.5 years away (note: either the March 2007 date is incorrect or this statement. March 2007 is only 3 months away from now). from higher education. I am not sure  if I would even find a PhD research which I am interested in. Another reason is that I am a newcomer to the Netherlands Architecture market and I have to learn much about the methods, styles and standards which are used in the companies here . As DTI is a combination of studying and working together, it would be easier for me to get to this market. One more important reason is my foreign diploma, which is going to be not trusted automatically here and than investigated by every company I apply to work for. But by getting DTI diploma, I will be a graduate of a high level recognised university with a registered title in the Netherlands.

Obtaining the ability to improve and renovate the architectural design processes seems to be necessary as the design and building industry are now mostly facing old practical but not scientifically methods. Today’s fast developments in architecture and structures must meet the new concepts to manage different parts of the design process. DTI offers the knowledge to solve the management problems to improve the process design and making more effective and better quality of the projects. (This whole paragraph needs re-writing. The first sentence is rather unpenetrable; I do not really understand it. Try to simplify your sentence structures and work on the punctuation. Did you write this? It doesn't seem to match the rest of your letter's style.)

The information I got at the DTI information day was enough to persuade me and make me think that with DTI I will be sure of my future career and that I should diversify my professional education. Certainly this science (science?not sure this is right word here) presents a stronger possibility of finding a higher level position in design process worldwide. I am very motivated by complex and greater architectural projects (what I was busy with from the first day I started to work as an architect. - this section is not clear in meaning and needs re-phrasing. Are you saying that you were working on complex projects from day one? Or that you want to work on more complex projects?) DTI will teach me not only how these complexities are arranged in different phases, but how to manage them as well. I believe that management and finding solutions is more important than being busy with only one phase of a design process as an architect. On the other hand, gaining the required additional knowledge in technological management as well as in architecture, building and planning, makes DTI a unique and unusual course  to further develop my education and career.    

 I hope I can make a good progress with the vitality and the energetic style what I find in myself about DTI now. After talking with a few students from DTI, I am even more interested in starting this course, as I understand about the very friendly and light atmosphere inside the faculty and between colleagues. I would welcome a personal interview to further discuss this opportunity. I thank you in advance for your kind attention to my letter and I hope to meet you in the near future.

Hi again.

First highlight: the problem I had with this is that you earlier said 'But later I understood that in the Netherlands I will have new responsibilities from rules here and I have to follow a Dutch language course for 1.5 years, which is going to be finished by end of March 2007.'. to me it sounds as though it is a requirement from them - that you HAVE to do a 1.5 year course before you are allowed to apply. But now I think that you mean that you have chosen to do this course. So you need to re-phrase that part. Then it gets confusing again as you mention (presumably the same) 1.5 year gap before you can study but you are finishing your course in March 2007 - it gets confusing counting backwards like this, people will assume that you mean from this point in time.

2nd: I knew those weren't your words! It's not really helpful to just quote their own brochure back at them (pretty much).

Good luck with your application.

Letter of Intent

Power Electronics is an enabling technology, with vast applications in various fields. Some of the more familiar arenas include Utility Power Conditioning, Electrical Power Conversion, Motor Control and Servo Actuation. These technologies and inventions have always fascinated me.  When I was child I would satisfy my curiosity by using batteries, motors and machines from my electronic toys. For example I used to remove motors from my cars and robots.  I would then put the ice cream stick on the motor shaft and supply power with battery to make a fan. I used to light the bulb with battery by using gold leaf instead of using wires. Therefore I was delighted when I gained admission into my undergraduate degree which allowed me to build on my talents.

The purpose of the forthcoming statement is to introduce myself and my achievements, more importantly, why I want to pursue my further studies in Electrical Power Engineering. I did my Bachelor’s of Engineering in Industrial Electronics at the Institute of Industrial Electronics Engineering (IIEE), NED University of Engineering and Technology, Karachi. I also joined the SUPARCO (Space and Upper Atmosphere Research Commission of Pakistan) as a Design Engineer. The work that I am involved in is the design and development of various power systems which include DC Power Distribution System, DC to DC conversion and motor drives for different systems. My involvement in these projects has carved my skills and heightened my understanding of the field of Electrical Engineering. Despite this I feel the need to build upon my accumulated knowledge for the betterment of the projects.  

My main motivation for applying to this program is to develop advanced understanding of Power Systems, operation of interrelated power systems, high voltage technology and Motor Drives. The vision of research work and jobs in Germany is an attractive prospect to young engineers and professionals.  Where technology is concerned, the country is very advanced.  Many multinational companies that are behind inventing the most highly intensive technologies in the world are German.  That is my main reason for choosing Germany as my place of research. 

Furthermore, I have learned from my friends and the university’s published research activities that RWTH Aachen University is the largest university of technology in Germany.  Not only that, I believe it is one of the most renowned institutions in Europe.  To me, your department of Electrical Engineering and Computer Sciences seems to be one of the best in carrying out research in my chosen field Design and development of high efficiency, reliable and fault tolerant power systems and motor drives designs are what I aim to learn about at Aachen University. Study in this area will help me to flourish both academically and practically, as the nature of my job requires me to know the nuances of the field – the field which I have strong affinity to.

Also, I have a good understanding of AC/DC Power Conversion, AC/AC Power Conversion, DC/AC Power Conversion and DC Motor Drives. I intend to continue exploring these fields, specifically the field of Motor Drives.  I would like to pursue work on high power motor drives, implementing various advanced power control schemes through efficient utilization of hardware and software.  In particular I would like to concentrate on the design of power converter topology and the control switching scheme.

With regard to my preparation for the MS program, I have a solid base in Power Electronics, Control Engineering, Microprocessor Implementation and Electrical Machines. I have taken courses in mathematics, electronic instrumentation, digital design and circuit theory to enhance my skills. I have also completed number of real projects in the relevant fields.

Finally, I have been involved in many relevant extra-curricular involvements.  I was selected to represent my university in a National Level Project Competition held at NED in October 2003.  Consequently I won 3^rd prize.  I was also an active IEEE student member and organised a number of successful seminars, presentations and symposiums.

Completing an MS with your institution will give me many opportunities in my chosen industry. I hope you will allow me the opportunity of joining this university.  It will definitely enhance my capabilities through the enjoyable experience of research work.  As well as this, completion of my chosen program will give me many opportunities in Siemens.

Sheraz Shamim