Dear members,
I am a Dutch scholar in my exam year of grammar school. Upcoming Friday I need to have sent in all my application papers for university. I saw the excellent help offered by all of you to correct motivation letters and give advise. I just finished my motivation letter and I would like some comments on it. I am applying for a university which is very selective. It is an international orientated institute and offers broad education (I want to study litarature, political theory, business and maybe some law) It is very intensive studying and I will be living on campus if everything turns out oké and I will be accepted. But... only one out of five scholars get the chance to be accepted. So I can use all help offered by getting the best motivation letter ever. The yellow gaps represent fitting words I did not just come up. (sorry for some Dutch but thats for translation)
One special thing: I find it quite difficult to limit myself to two pages so if you have any advise on what to delete in this text it would be great (it is too long)
My motivation letter:
Dear Sir/Madame,
Hereby I am applying for a place in the liberal arts programme at University College Utrecht for fall 2008, and in this letter I will elaborate on the reasons of my motivation and why I am perfectly fit for the concept.
My name is Claire. I am a sixth form student at the Koningin Wilhelmina College in Culemborg, I will be graduating from grammar school (Dutch: gymnasium) in June 2008.
I must say I like all my subjects and in particular English and Social Studies. I started learning English from a young age and it has always felt like my second language. Sometimes I feel I can express myself better in English than in Dutch, or at least more beautifully.
I enjoyed the fact that my (former) secondary school is rather innovative. In 2006 Bizzgames was introduced; a simulation of a business environment. This is an excellent way of putting management and organisation skills into practice. Consequence was I came in first as a two-person team with a student I did not know. On the one hand working after school did result in less active extracurricular activities, on the other hand I did learn to …
I know people see me as an open-minded, ambitious, passionate and hardworking student. Academically I am a critical thinker. I am almost always passionately interested in a subject Travelling is one of my enduring passions. It gives me an indescribable feeling boundlessness.
From my point of view current students are definitely well educated; however we are also quite restrained by the borders of Europe. I think this attitude will no longer serve. We are naturally ignorant of … I, on the contrary, am very driven and interested in breaking through this boundary. From these I want to get good the elements. I am eager to develop. I find it interesting to put economic/political problems into the pillory. I can be quite taken up by thinking of a balanced policy.
Having experienced the concept of liberal arts and science in 2006 my conviction to apply for University College has grown stronger as time passed. The completed Roosevelt Junior Academy days (see enclosed certificate) and the open day visited at University College Utrecht have only served as reinforcements. I am appealed by UC’s curriculum, campus, professors, students, students associations and ambiance. I felt at home immediately with the campus and I felt a connection with the students I spoke to. I want more than offered by general universities. General universities do not strive to exploit ones individual academic abilities and they do not offer academic excellence. I want to be challenged. My future prospects are at the limit of what I want to consider reachable by own means, and no less. This is because I know I will do the best I possibly can and therefore I identify my future with endless possibilities.
In summer 2007 I took an educational travel to Cambridge. I stayed in a host family, for the reason I wanted to experience British living closely. It gave me renewed my energy to focus on what I want to achieve and therefore made me so much stronger and more motivated. For me this was a very special/changing experience. I finished with the intensive English course, specialized in Academic English at Advanced level. My English has improved … in England. My environment had continuingly existed of a very rich diversity of cultures, which I experienced as very inspiring. I think it takes quite some adaptability to get settled in a totally new country and culture, and I think this is a very important talent to posses. I can easily find a way and socialize in unfamiliar surroundings.
In my exam year an opportunity occurred. I was selected for the School of Economics programme. I signed up and I intensely wanted to participate, for several of it’s aspects appealed to me; the academic education, the English language in studying and specialising in one of my most favourable subjects. This rather demanding extracurricular activity I enjoyed fullest, I am convinced studying in English will increase my satisfaction of studying and turning to English education will cause least trouble. I wanted more of my education and this challenged me.
Furthermore I arranged I will not be making a general PWS, but to complete this in a more academic, specialized and scientific way at School of Economics (Utrecht University) in the British language.
I put a lot of energy and satisfaction into the art of debating. When I was fifteen, I joined the students association Utrecht Debating Society. Speaking in public now represents one of my skills. As a scholar I had to catch up the gap between me and the student members. This only stimulated my ability in learning faster. Besides regular debating I am very interested in performing eloquentia en I’m considering making that one of my extracurricular activities in the future. I have also been a co-judge at the NK debating tournament 2007 in Tilburg. In my leisure time I like to … in the ancient theory of pleading, especially to read the great works of Cicero, Socrates and Plato.
I am already making efforts to make arrangements to go abroad upcoming summer. My aunt and uncle are very active in Africa concerning charity and voluntary activities, with this connection I hope it is possible to obtain a safe and valuable place to analyze and learn about unbalanced political/economical systems, and experience helping people for whom I think I can contribute to transfer knowledge to people unable to get education. There are still two sides of the badge, because I think such an experience enriches me as a human being. I also like to analyze the as it seems bottomless situation.
I have a broad range of interests and I have quite a few requirements fit for a study to my personal wishes. My contribution to University College Utrecht would be valuable, if given the opportunity. One of the reasons I am so passionately firm about studying liberal arts and sciences is the great international orientation. I would be honoured to join/strengthen the Future Leaders Project. The living environment of a large diversity of cultures does seem only tremendously inspiring to me. Considering UCU students make use of … a lot, my debating skills will definitely be an advantage for me and liveliness in class. My active class-participation will be a mentionable contribution. I would also like to be actively involved in several committees at University College Utrecht. In my high school there was no occasion to have been involved in MUN, Model United Nations. Since I’m aware of the MUN at university level is offered at University College Utrecht I’m determined to become member of this organisation.
UCU could give me the possibility to fulfil my academic needs, such as Future Leaders Project and an MUN-foundation. It will also shape me exactly fit for my future plans.
I think it is a huge pré for a student ambitioning an academic international carreer to be all-round. UCU is able to offer, in my opinion, optimal “vorming”. Highly academic skills, an intensive network with motivated people all over the world, an international “blik”, broad but good knowledge and ability to speak English almost as a native speaker.
During my high school I have personally been through a hard time regarding my domestic situation and I have no doubt this had also restrained me in performing to my fullest academic capability. Especially in de 4th and 5th class I was most affected by this, and therefore my exam grades averages started at a lower rank. It took me a while to be able to remain least affected by this negativity with help from a psychologist. I managed to get my grades up with hard work and high grades, but considering my own personal capability this could’ve been a lot more and will be at University College Utrecht. I think it did make me a lot stronger as an individual. In my opinion a human must strive to take advantage of every event.
Enclosed you will find a form of recommendation from Dr. Verbraak and Dr. Filius. Mr Verbraak is my teacher of management and organisation. Mr. Verbraak knows me well as a student and as an individual. Mr Filius has been my mentor in the sixth class and has been most aware of my personal circumstances. Mr Visschers has been my English teacher for several years and is well aware of my English level of proficiency, enclosed you find his comments on this matter.
Finally, I consider myself a suitable candidate for this program. In my time at KWC I have really showed my motivation, both academically and socially. I hope that I have convinced you of my motivation and that you will grant me this opportunity.
Yours faithfully,
Claire Wientjes