Just a remark: I have asked for urgent help, but I am completely aware of the fact that
this does not neceserrily leads an urgent help. I completely accept that my timing is not appropriate and I should have sent it earlier. Please do not misunderstand this "urgent" remark. My only unluck is that I have discovered the site so late. But I will still be waiting for a reply in any case.

Exciter, if you are checking in, I am currently reviewing your work and will post some comments.

MountainHiker

Dear Sir or Madam,

In the process of completing my last block of the International Economic Studies in combination with the Quantitative Economics Degree at the University of xxx, I am writing to apply for the PhD xxx 2005. [This opening sentence doesn’t sound very good.]

I found that a PhD position at the Quantitative Economics Department corresponds well with my future plans in seeking a career in the academic world, as an econometrist. [set aside for a moment.]

---

I am applying for your Doctoral Programme in Astrophysics starting July 4, 2005. At present I am completing my (bachelor’s/master’s programme) in International Economic Studies in combination with the Quantitative Economics Degree at the University of xxx.

It is my ambition to be admitted [it would be strange if you wanted to be rejected, no?], and pursue my postgraduate research studies in the field of Econometrics and develop a career in a University wherever need is greatest for assistance in the development of the Econometric Discipline. [This paragraph doesn’t tell me much, so I would scrap it.]

This PhD degree will be my steppingstone to the academic world. [I would not use “stepping stone”. Imagine if you were to say to a girl, you are a stepping stone to my having children. She’d be flattered, no? Why not show some interest in the topic you are studying and look forward to learning more about that topic, rather than simply being a means to an end.] In particular, this position will bring me the unique opportunity to research and lecture. [Given my earlier comments, I think you need to rewrite or scrap this paragraph.]


It is my life ambition to do scientific research because I believe that scientific research and its methods provide an unrivaled framework in which the problems of the physical world can be determined and solutions to them be found. [Most of us have a good handle on the world’s problems, it is the solutions and the implementation of those solutions that causes us grief. And since you are dealing with econometrics, nothing is solid. You are not dealing with pure sciences, but rather one of man’s creation. Thus, solutions from “the lab” don’t always translate into the real world.]

In addition, discovering the implied meanings behind the scientific theories gives me pleasure and encourages me to think and research the subject matter. Characteristically, I am not in pursuit of material gains in general. I believe that the quality of life can’t be improved with possession [most people would disagree, especially those that are poor], but through contribution. In this context, my contribution to the academic literature will bring me the utmost personal satisfaction in my life. [You need to think about this paragraph as well. I think what you are trying to say is that you enjoy researching problems and proposing various solutions?]

I also believe that lecturing has a vital role in passing the scientific knowledge to the next generation. I always get pleasure in expressing my knowledge, especially the reasons behind particular facts. As a personal character, I have always been against memorization and I always question the reasons behind facts and theories without any hesitation to go back deep to their roots. I think this also explains my interest in etymology, which is the study of the origin and development of a particular word. In consequence, when it comes to lecture, I will be highly devoted to express my knowledge, which would then sustain future research. It is in academic life that I believe I can make the greatest contribution, utilizing my theoretical background and creativity as an academic. [These comments come from a person who generally dislikes “teachers” but enjoys helping others. When I read your comments, it is about you, and not the student. I find most teachers are too full of themselves, and your paragraph gives me that same impression. If I wanted to impress someone that I would be a good teacher, I would not try to tell them how smart I am or how I like to study “etymology”. Rather, I would focus on how I enjoy teaching, helping others, showing others what they are capable of learning or understanding. In effect, I want to empower the student to learn on his or her own and have gleaned a full nuggets of wisdom from me along the way. Think of your best teachers and think how they would describe why they like to teach. And then think of your worst or poorer teachers, and how would they describe their teaching preferences. Anyway, food for thought.]

To achieve my pursuit of a PhD project in the Quantitative Economics department, I have followed six blocks in Econometrics in combination with the Technology and Development track of the International Economic Studies. The combined program has broadened my knowledge in both subjects and guided me in systematical researching and analytical thinking. I have recently completed my dissertation in which the two disciplines are combined. I have surveyed the econometric techniques of income convergence and carried out an empirical analysis, which gave me the opportunity to deepen my knowledge in the econometrics of economic growth. Currently, with Dr. xxx, we are considering the prospect of preparing part of my dissertation for publication. This has deeply encouraged me to further my pursuit in the academic life. In addition, I am working on an econometric project, i.e. the xxx analysis of xxx with xxx covariates, for my own interest. [I like this because now I finally learn a little bit about you. You have a passion for playing around with mathematical models and trying to mimic reality blah blah blah. That is what you need to get across to the reader. You just love doing this stuff. You get your jollies from building models and interpreting/analyzing the results. That’s what I would focus on more throughout your letter.]

As a committed, thoughtful and hard-working person with an personality with an array of courses in, I believe that I am a good candidate for the PhD Program in the field of Econometrics. [I am not sure I even understand that sentence: “person with an personality with an array of courses in”??? scrap it.]

Enclosed you will find all required documents for the PhD program offered by the xxx. Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. I eagerly await your decision. [Look at some of the other letters and their closings. I would try to sound more positive and upbeat about the whole process]

Faithfully ours, [lower case is appropriate]
xxx xxx



I think you need to rewrite your letter. You need a tighter focus with more emphasis on you. You need to tell the reader what excites you and why. And as far as teaching is concerned, I would back off completely from trying to impress the reader with your brilliance. Instead, I would focus on the customer (“student”). Have you taught before? Do you enjoy teaching? Do students like being taught by you? Try to incorporate that information into your teaching section.

I realize you are up against the wall in terms of your timing. So you might wish to hire professional assistance given your tight time constraints. Or see if you can get an extension.

Good luck.

MountainHiker

exciter,

Yeah, it's tough writing these darn motivation letters. And it is far easier critiqueing them than it is to write them. I know people put a lot of effort into writing them and then find someone like me who chops them into small pieces. But better me than the university, no? At least I don't count.

For those unaccustomed to writing with a strong focus, it is challenging. But once you learn to do this type of writing, it becomes easier.

MountainHiker