Motivation letter for Utrecht University (Holland)

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Hi everyone!I am from Vietnam but I live in Holland.My name is Dung.I am writing a motivation letter for Utrecht University which is one of the best schools here.Therefore, a good motivation letter probably get the good impression above all.However, I am not so good in Academic Writting.Could you help me to correct my letter?It would be a pleasure from me to read your replies in someday laters.
Thank you for reading.Have a nice day, friends!
Here it is:

UNIVERSITY COLLEGE UTRECHT
FACULTY: ACADEMIC CORE, HUMANITIES, SCIENCE AND SOCIAL SCIENCE

Dear Madam/Sir,
I have a desire to be applied for the Bachelor of Liberal Arts and Sciences on Spring 2005.I have completely read your whole website so that I feel interested from the teaching qualifications, suitable and perfect programs, priority fees, international degree and the international study environment. Fortunately, University College Utrecht is likely to have a very wide areas of Humanities, Science and Social Science to perform my further goals of study as well as career in future for either an deeply understanding sort of society or the development of global. In addition, Vietnam Embassy in the Netherlands evaluated greatly about your famous university not only in the Netherlands but also in Europe when I came to ask information. These are all major reasons to make me expected.
I really find subjects in Social Science department in my own interested areas because:
I have a deep passion in discovering about the social, cultural, political, economic processes from the classic to modern that play a very important role in using a second language like a native language of English. In my thoughts, Social Science section contains those perfect backgrounds to develop our intellection as well as opportunities of career in fields: academic research, projects of government in international contacts, international organizations, communication and journalism, economic and law, etc. Beside that I will become familiar with the theories used to study the acquisition and use of second language. Moreover, I have to learn to critically assess ideas and approaches. At last but not least, according to a large ambition of social science and a professional ability of language, I will have many advantages to reach up my special goals in master courses of journalism like my mother or further in developing and testing didactic instruments in educational field like my father. I really like these two areas in my planning career.
My achievements:

In order to build up a solid foundation for my future research and thus realize my dream of becoming an expert in teaching English. I devoted every effort to learning virtually all the related courses and reading many English books in such areas like literature, culture. My hard work paid off, I finished the B.A of English Language and Culture in Vietnam since 2000, and the category was good.

After graduation, I had worked as a young writer and interpreter of a article named “ Foreign Literature” nearly four years for Song Huong Magazine-Hue City (Hue is the middle location of Vietnam where have many great landscapes became the heritage and culture of the world by UNESCO) (Song Huong Magazine is the official communication of government about literature, culture and history of sections).
During the past eight years, I studied the Bachelor of English and Culture in Vietnam University as well as worked in the Song Huong Magazine. The emphasis of my studies understood the deep language of English for many literature subjects in order that I could use practically in my jobs. However, I was not much satisfied in my limited intellection about aspects of society and global. In addition, every time that reading news about culture, economic, politic, law in any newspaper make me excited to find out and even want to write all what I see and feel for my heart. At this moment, I fully recognize that my relevant career is in journalism.
No education is complete without experience. No knowledge about social science have no chance to reach the higher graduation of journalism. Armed with a solid understanding of academic principles, I can begin my career where I will add to my experience. Because I will be well versed in the theory, I will be able to adapt and modify the theoretical constructs according to practical example as required in order to meet my career’s needs in journalism. Our political, economic and law, scientific environments are constantly changing and thus journalist needs to be able to adapt quickly and accurately to the new conditions, the past results of those fields are worthy lessons for today in order that we can avoid or develop more and more. I believe obtaining a Bachelor of Arts; section Social Science will provide the necessary background for me to be performing my wishes in the Master course of journalism in future.
I very much hope that by my above-said words, I will be accepted into University College Utrecht to study the BA program on Spring 2005.I would be most grateful if you could give my application form in your most favorable consideration.
I look forward to your reply as soon as possible

With best regards,

T.L.D.Nguyen
New Member22
Hi Dung,

Your letter needs a lot of work. Are you in a hurry? If you are, you might need to ask some English speaking person nearby to give you a helping hand. If you are patient and are not in a hurry, then we can work through you letter here on English Forums.

I am going to assume, for now, that you want to recreate your letter here on English Forums.

We need to develop an overall frame or outline for your letter.

I suggest the following:

1) Introduction (very quick points)
1a) Who you are
1b) What you want to do
1c) Why do you want to do it
1d) What do you want from them

2) Detailed background
2a) Expand on who you are

3) Detailed background
3a) Expand on what you want to do and why you want to do it

4) Summary
4a) Summarize what you have told them
4b) Thank them for considering your application

Each major number (1, 2, 3, and 4) are separate paragraphs.

As an excellent example, I encourage you to Covering Letter >Resons for Studying<. Read through the entire thread carefullly. It shows how a person began with a letter that required a lot of work and ended up with a good letter.

MountainHiker
Senior Member2,528
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Hi MountainHiker,

I know that my letter needs a lot of work to do because I am not from an English speaking country.However,could you help me to correct the mistakes and give your opinions about what I have written in my motivation letter.I think that your overall frame is briliiant.So,if possible you can build up my ideas based on this background.

Because the deadline for the application form is 15 October 2004.Therefore,can you help me as soon as possible,friend?

There are requirements from Utrecht University to finish a motivation letter:
- Why would u like to study at Utrecht University?
- What field(s) of studies do u find most interesting and why?
- Do u have any any revelant working experience and social activities?
- What are you interests with regard to( or regardless of)your current education?
- What are you plans after finishing University College?

That's all to you. Please help me in your ability.

Dung Nguyen.
Hi Dung,

There are requirements from Utrecht University to finish a motivation letter:
- Why would u like to study at Utrecht University? 1b & 1c & 3
- What field(s) of studies do u find most interesting and why? 1b & 1c & 3
- Do u have any any revelant working experience and social activities? 2
- What are you interests with regard to( or regardless of)your current education? whole essay
- What are you plans after finishing University College? 1b & 1c & 3

That's all to you. Please help me in your ability.



Dung, I suggest you look at my prior post to you. I will not write your letter for you. Look at Nadine's letter. Like you, she did not speak English as her first language. I will help you with the grammar, but you must do the heavy lifting. You must write the paragraphs in some structure.

If I were you, I'd begin to your letter with the address stuff, and get the first paragraph or two written. We can start there.

MountainHiker
Trusted Users: Trusted users are allowed to use additional capabilities of the site such as private messaging to all users and various other advanced features. You cannot join this role unless you are promoted by an administrator.
Thanks for your reply!I have just finished the first two paragraphs for your request.Can you help me to correct it,plz!
Dung
Here it is:
Nguyen Thi Le Dung

Dear Sir: (see if you can find the person’s name)

I am a Vietnamese student. I am writing to apply for the Bachelor of Liberal of Art 's Degree program in Social Science department at University College Utrecht in order that I can reach to my further studying in the master course as well as my career in future. Fortunately, University College Utrecht is likely to a very wide land of Arts and Science, which provoked my strong interest in issues that affect Social Science of global.

I graduated in English Language and Culture in July 2000 from the University of Vietnam. My degree focuses on English skill, English literature, English and American culture. To build up a solid foundation, I joined as a young writer in Song Huong Magazine; page “ Foreign Literature” from 2000 to 2003. More interestedly, I was a teacher of English for little children in my location on past summers. One years ago, I began to wrote news in a famous newspaper of Vietnam, I fully recognized that my intellection about social science as economic, politic, even culture still much limited while this is a very important background for who want to work in academic research, communication or international organizations, etc. So, I deiced to go on my study in Europe.
Let's keep this as our guide.
I suggest the following:

1) Introduction (very quick points)
1a) Who you are
1b) What you want to do
1c) Why do you want to do it
1d) What do you want from them

2) Detailed background
2a) Expand on who you are

3) Detailed background
3a) Expand on what you want to do and why you want to do it

4) Summary
4a) Summarize what you have told them
4b) Thank them for considering your application

Each major number (1, 2, 3, and 4) are separate paragraphs.





Dear Sir: (see if you can find the person’s name)

I am a Vietnamese student [are you still a student?] who is applying to the Bachelor of Liberal of Art's Degree program in Social Science department at University College Utrecht.

I graduated in English Language and Culture in July 2000 from the University of Vietnam. My degree focuses on English skillS, English literature, AND English and American culture.[3] To CREATE a solid foundation, I BECAME A writer FOR Song Huong Magazine WRITING THE PAGE “ Foreign Literature” from 2000 to 2003.[3] FURTHERMORE, I TAUGHT English TO SMALL children in X CITY DURING THE summers.[3] LAST YEAR I wrote THE news FOR *** NEWSPAPER, a famous newspaper of Vietnam.[3] THROUGH MY DAILY WRITING I CAME TO RECOGNIZE THAT my KNOWLEDGE CONCERNING social scienceS, economicS, politicS, AS WELL AS culture [is culture part of the social sciences?] IS limited.[3]



Notes:

0) Don't copy Nadine's letter just changing the names of the university and courses. Use her letter as a guide as to what to expect. There is no perfect or correct way of writing these letters. There are only better and worse ways of writing these letters.

1) "in order that I can reach to my further studying in the master course as well as my career in future."

That doesn't tell me anything. You want a Master's in WHAT? What career to do WHAT?

2) "Fortunately, University College Utrecht is likely to a very wide land of Arts and Science, which provoked my strong interest in issues that affect Social Science of global."

I don't understand it. Their having a large variety of courses did not provoke anything. You need to tell me more WHY you are interested.

3) Fix the sentence with the corrections - look for the capitilized letters and words.

4) "while this is a very important background for who want to work in academic research, communication or international organizations, etc. So, I deiced to go on my study in Europe."

Save that stuff for now. It will either go at the end of the current paragraph or at the introduction of the new paragraph. From what you wrote here, I get the impression that THIS is the reason why you want to learn more, no? So you need to incorporate a small quick sentence to fit into your opening paragraph.



I look forward to your next iteration.

MountainHiker
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Hi MountainHiker,

It is difficult to correctly perform in English way. You know, in (2) I want to say why i want to study in that school for a obligation but I do not know how to do it? Do u have any ideas for that?...

In (4) you agreed with my point of views, don't u?

Keep in touch.

Thanks for your incorporation much.

Dung Nguyen.
Dung,

In 2, the school has no bearing on your interest. It is simply there. From [4], that is what provoked your interest, no? It was from your writing that sparked a curiousity to learn more? I think your [2] is nonsense.

My guess is that your [4] forms part of the reason why you are curious and interested. And if I recall correctly, you are now living in Holland? So, it would seem to me that your writing the news created an interest in learning more about culture, politics, economics etc. And because you are in Holland (for whatever reason?) and because the university does have a fine reputation (you need to learn more) you want to attend that university to further your education.

Do I agree with 4? It is not whether I agree or disagree. It is can you write this into a strong letter?

Although I might seem harsh, don't be put off. You are off to a good start. But as a writer, you surely recognize the need to organize your thoughts in a coherent manner and to present your argument in a logical and easily understood fashion.

Keep at it.

MountainHiker
Trusted Users: Trusted users are allowed to use additional capabilities of the site such as private messaging to all users and various other advanced features. You cannot join this role unless you are promoted by an administrator.
Hi friend,I have just finished 3 parts in your guide : That is 1) 2) 3).Please help me to take a look at all!

Thanks u very much.

Dung Nguyen

I am a Vietnamese citizen who are apply for the Bachelor of Liberal of Art 's Degree program in Social Science department at University College Utrecht.

I graduated in English Language and Culture in July 2000 from the University of Vietnam. My degree focuses on English skill, English literature, English and American culture. To create a solid foundation, I became a writer for Song Huong Magazine writing page “ Foreign Literature” from 2000 to 2003. Furthermore, I taught English for small children in Ho Chi Minh City-Vietnam during the summers. Last year, I began to write news for Nguoi Lao Dong Newspaper, a famous newspaper of Vietnam. Thought my daily writing, I came to recognize that my knowledge concerning social science, economic, politic, as well as culture is limited while this is a very important background for who want to work in academic research, communication or international organizations, etc. So, I deiced to go on my studying way in Europe.

Social Science is not only interested to study to know generally but It also necessary in career. I suppose that you want to become a politician or a researcher, you must know important rules of the social, cultural, political, economic processes from classic to modern to analyze in a deep ambition before creating the best ways to complete your jobs how to suit with changing of societies of globalization. You sometimes will have international meetings If you did not have any experience of social science or in wrong understanding, what will be happened in your performance in front of your partners? .” No education is complete without experience” “ no experience how can we do” that is true. So I am, I really want to learn to gain a solid background about fields of social science before doing my further goals.

In addition, studying and working on completely international environments, using a second language like a native language of English in each different field of social science is very important. Because we will have to use English language to research in professional books of the world and writing essays or reports for big conferences as well as presentations. At last but not least, according a large intellection of Social Science and a professional ability of language, I will have many advantages to my special goals in opportunities of career.
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