Motivational Letter for PhD

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Good evening,

I am a Master student in Biology, and I wrote a letter of motivation for a PhD application.

I made it checked already twice by a couple of friends who are more experienced than me, but if you could be so kind to have a look too, it would really help me.

Thanks in advance.

-----------------

Dear Mr. xxxx,

I am writing to apply for the PhD position at xxxx Institute (xxx, France), for the subject « What shapes planktonic biodiversity hotspots in the open ocean?»

I carried out my studies in Italy, at the University of Padova, where I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Biology, with a curriculum of Marine Biology. There, I acquired my strong interest in marine ecology, and my will to prosecute my career on environmental study fields. Afterwards, I decided to continue my academic training in the same university, with a Master Degree in Evolutionary Biology.

In the meantime, I attended a two-year Master Course in Science Communication at ISAS (International School for Advanced Studies), Trieste. This experience not only provided me the opportunity to practice different forms of scientific communication (newspapers, radio, multimedia, museums) and to deal with the overall of scientific subjects, but also developed my capacity of interacting with different actors: public, scientists, journalists, scientific and governmental institutions.

I am currently in an Erasmus exchange program at the University of Paris XI, where I chose to conduct my Master thesis project in the field of ecological modelling, at the Department of Ecology, Biodiversity and Evolution. There I had the opportunity to work in a stimulating international environment and to develop new skills in statistical analysis and software programming. I work especially in R software environment on a negative binomial model, improving the model by optimization search of new equation parameters.

I decided to pursue my career with a PhD in a foreign UE country, in order to acquire a high-level international profile. I find working in a collaboration with three prestigious institutions like University Pierre et Marie Curie, Ecole Normale Superieur and MIT extremely challenging and as an additional motivation for me. Moreover, this project would provide me the rare opportunity to join two different study fields: on one side, marine ecology, which still represent my strongest subject of interest; on the other side, statistical ecological modelling, a scientific approach which, even if difficult and not intuitiveat the beginning, I consider really satisfying for a science like biology, still in search of rigorous methodologies to deal with the complexity of living systems.

My academic curriculum provided me a solid knowledge of the different theoretical subjects implied in the research project, and the capacity to integrate different disciplines. In addition, a variety of professional actors, interdisciplinary work and international experiences have also permitted me to develop a keen attitude towards social interactions and communication among different partners. Finally, strong motivation and tenaciousness allowed me to acquire autonomously new working skills, and the will to learn even more.

Given my record of good academic achievement and strong interest in your research program, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the topics that ignite my curiosity the most. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my interdisciplinary and international background will meet your research school expectations.

Thank you for considering my application.

Yours faithfully,
New Member05
Thank you for at least using your resources to post the best version you have. That's good use of everyone's time.

Your letter needs work. You migth wish to start here:

http://www.englishforums.com/content/lessons/motivation-letters-part-i.htm

Some examples:

>>I am writing to apply for the PhD position at xxxx Institute (xxx, France), for the subject « What shapes planktonic biodiversity hotspots in the open ocean?»

You apply FOR a student grant or loan. You apply TO a faculty or university. Though in your case, it works because you want to receive a position. If I were writing, I would apply to the faculty or university. (This is a small gotcha.)

>>I carried out my studies in Italy, at the University of Padova, where I received my Bachelor of Science degree in Biology, with a curriculum of Marine Biology. There, I acquired my strong interest in marine ecology, and my will to prosecute my career on environmental study fields. Afterwards, I decided to continue my academic training in the same university, with a Master Degree in Evolutionary Biology.

"Prosecute your career"? Is it on trial? What did it do wrong?

More importantly, what's the purpose of this paragraph and what's do you want the reader to understand?

If I were writing, I would do something like...

In 20xx, I graduated from the University of Padova in Italy with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology, with a curriculum of Marine Biology. (Not sure about the curriculum part..."major" or "emphasis"). Following my first degree, I remained at the same university to earn (or about to receive) a Master Degree in Evolutionary Biology. Through my years of studying, I became fascinated with X (tell me something about marine biology that fascinates you). Now, show an example of how you acted on this fascination. Did you take extra courses related to this topic? Teach this topic to new students? Work with this topic during your summer jobs? Get excellent marks with anything related to this topic. In other words, show some passion that is supported by action.

Another example:

>>I am currently in an Erasmus exchange program at the University of Paris XI, where I chose to conduct my Master thesis project in the field of ecological modelling, at the Department of Ecology, Biodiversity and Evolution. There I had the opportunity to work in a stimulating international environment and to develop new skills in statistical analysis and software programming. I work especially in R software environment on a negative binomial model, improving the model by optimization search of new equation parameters.

If I look at "stimulating international environment" in the dictionary, I have no clue what that means. If I were to ask someone at a strip club, I would get one answer. And if I were to ask someone climbing mountains, I would get another answer. If I were to ask someone in a chess club, I would get a different answer again. In short, it means anything you want to mean--which really means, it means nothing.

Then you go on to describe software that you can use and develop. If I am looking at a PhD student in the sciences, I am going to assume by default that you can use technology, including software. And, I will assume that you have at least a basic understanding of a programming language or two. So if you are going to mention statistical analysis and software programming, you had better tell me something exceptional. Tell me how you used or developed this software to do something unusual and creative. Otherwise, you've told me nothing.

Last example:

>>My academic curriculum provided me a solid knowledge of the different theoretical subjects implied in the research project, and the capacity to integrate different disciplines. In addition, a variety of professional actors, interdisciplinary work and international experiences have also permitted me to develop a keen attitude towards social interactions and communication among different partners. Finally, strong motivation and tenaciousness allowed me to acquire autonomously new working skills, and the will to learn even more.

Lots of high fallutin words.

How has your curriculum provided you with anything? Have you demonstrated how you have benefitted or how you have solved problems or developed unique insights or did something/anything unusual? That's what I want to know.

"Capacity to integrate different disciplines" "professional actors" "interdisciplinary work" "international experiences" are all vacuous phrases.

In summary, you seemed to put a lot of effort into incorporated buzz words into your letter. That's wasted energy. Instead, you should be focused on demonstrating through your actions and accomplishments how you are well suited to this program.

If you look at the link I provided earlier, it leads to one of my two beginning introductory articles. If you read both, you'll find links to some other students' work.
Senior Member2,528
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Thank you for revising my letter.

I tried to follow your advice to modify as you suggested me, but I think there are a couple of things I need to explain.

First one, I could not say anything exceptional about my software programming skills, simply because I do not have: it is not part of a biologist studies, normally. Most of all, I already have an interview with those people, who already know that.

It is my weak point in postulating for that position, but, you can imagine, the only thing I can do is to say that I could at least do something, I was ready and enthusiastic to learn and are looking forward to learn more. Matlab will be required but, they told me, it is actually quite near to R, and that is why I wrote it.

Second one: you noted my last paragraph as lacking motivations. actually, I did not motivate because I considered that a summary of what said in the previous part. I just did not want to repeat myself, thing I am afraid of having done now. But maybe I am wrong, you will see that.

I did not want to criticize at all, just to give you the context, maybe it will help.

I hope this version is closer to what you meant.

------------------------------------------------------

Dear xxxxxxx,

I am writing to apply for the PhD position at xxxx Institute (Paris, France), for the subject « What shapes planktonic biodiversity hotspots in the open ocean?»

In 2008, I graduated from the University of Padova in Italy with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology, with a curriculum of Marine Biology. Following my first degree, I remained at the same university, where in October I am abut to receive a Master Degree in Evolutionary Biology. Through my years of studying, I became fascinated with marine environment, and marine ecology especially. I still remember with great emotion my first boat trip in the lagoon of Chioggia (VE) where we were taught how to conduct an oceanographic campaign, how to take oceanographic chemical and physical data as well as biological samples, and how to use technical tools onboard. During university years, I also had the opportunity to take a diving license, thank to whom I could discover by myself for the first time that amazing underwater world I previously could see just in marine documentaries. Living in such an anthropogenically-modified environment, what I most like about marine world is the fact that, in spite of his often-dramatic effects, man has not already managed to put his “footprint”. From just a curiosity, marine environment and its preservation became my goal.

In the meantime, I attended a two-year Master Course in Science Communication at ISAS (International School for Advanced Studies), Trieste. This experience not only provided me the opportunity to practice different forms of scientific communication (newspapers, radio, multimedia, museums) and to deal with the overall of scientific subjects, but also developed my capacity of interacting with different actors: public, scientists, journalists, scientific and governmental institutions.

I am currently in an Erasmus exchange program at the University of Paris XI, where I chose to conduct my Master thesis project in the field of ecological modelling, at the Department of Ecology, Biodiversity and Evolution. There I had the opportunity to work with interesting people from all over Europe coming from different research experiences, who kindled my enthusiasm about prosecuting my studies with an international context. Furthermore, I could develop new skills in statistical analysis and software programming. I work especially in R software environment on a negative binomial model, readjusting the model by optimization search of new equation parameters with a maximum likelihood method. I could not say it was easy at the beginning, I did not know the language at all, and was be able to do hardly anything. But with a little help to start, I studied the language by myself, searched courses to attend, and become able to manipulate a script in order to act autonomously on it and provide original improvement.

I decided to pursue my career with a PhD in a foreign UE country, in order to acquire a high-level international profile. I find working in a collaboration with three prestigious institutions like University Pierre et Marie Curie, Ecole Normale Superieur and MIT extremely challenging and as additional motivation for me. Moreover, this project would provide me the rare opportunity to join two different study fields: on one side, marine ecology, which still represent my strongest subject of interest; on the other side, statistical ecological modelling, a scientific approach which, even if difficult and not intuitive, I consider really satisfying for a science like biology, still in search of rigorous methodologies to deal with the complexity of living systems.

My academic curriculum provided me a solid knowledge of the different theoretical subjects implied in the research project: physical and chemical ocean dynamics, ecological processes, as well as marine organisms physiology are among the subjects I enjoyed and in whom I succeeded the most. My studies were characterized by great heterogeneity, but, far from being a defect, I consider it my best quality. In a project that aims to compare and integrate satellite data, virtual simulation, field and molecular data in a wide international cooperation, a person who is used to switch among different subjects and interact among different professionals could be undoubtedly of help. Finally, even if I could not say to be an expert of software programming at the moment, my master stage experienced proofed my strong motivation and tenaciousness, which allowed me to acquire autonomously new working skills, and the will to learn even more.

Given my record of good academic achievement and strong interest in your research program, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the topics that ignite my curiosity the most. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my interdisciplinary and international background will meet your research school expectations.

Thank you for considering my application.

Yours faithfully,
You are trying too hard to write in a scholarly manner. It is frustrating to read. Try writing in a conversational manner.

>>I am writing to apply for the PhD position at xxxx Institute (Paris, France), for the subject « What shapes planktonic biodiversity hotspots in the open ocean?»

Okay fine.

>>In 2008, I graduated from the University of Padova in Italy with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology, with a curriculum of Marine Biology. Following my first degree, I remained at the same university, where in October I am abut to receive a Master Degree in Evolutionary Biology. Through my years of studying, I became fascinated with marine environment, and marine ecology especially. I still remember with great emotion my first boat trip in the lagoon of Chioggia (VE) where we were taught how to conduct an oceanographic campaign, how to take oceanographic chemical and physical data as well as biological samples, and how to use technical tools onboard. During university years, I also had the opportunity to take a diving license, thank to whom I could discover by myself for the first time that amazing underwater world I previously could see just in marine documentaries. Living in such an anthropogenically-modified environment, what I most like about marine world is the fact that, in spite of his often-dramatic effects, man has not already managed to put his “footprint”. From just a curiosity, marine environment and its preservation became my goal.

Revised below. Removed some blather and tried to make your prose more direct. Direct prose is good prose.

In 2008, I graduated from the University of Padova in Italy with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology, with a curriculum of Marine Biology. After first degree, I remained at the same university, where in October I will receive a Master Degree in Evolutionary Biology. Through my years of studying, I became fascinated with marine environment and ecology. I recall my first boat trip in the lagoon of Chioggia (VE) where we were taught how to conduct an oceanographic campaign, to take oceanographic chemical and physical data as well as biological samples, and to use technical tools onboard. Moreover, during university years, I learned to dive and discover the amazing underwater world. :::::::Living in such an anthropogenically-modified environment, what I most like about marine world is the fact that, in spite of his often-dramatic effects, man has not already managed to put his “footprint”. From just a curiosity, marine environment and its preservation became my goal.:::::: (lots of blather)

>>In the meantime, I attended a two-year Master Course in Science Communication at ISAS (International School for Advanced Studies), Trieste. This experience not only provided me the opportunity to practice different forms of scientific communication (newspapers, radio, multimedia, museums) and to deal with the overall of scientific subjects, but also developed my capacity of interacting with different actors: public, scientists, journalists, scientific and governmental institutions.

The above paragraph has an overly long sentence. And you've got needless brackets and other stuff. Just make it simple so that it is easy and pleasurable to read.

I also attended a two-year Master Course in Science Communication at International School for Advanced Studies (IASA) Trieste. I learned to practice different forms of scientific communication in different media-such as newspapers, radio, multimedia, museums-and to interact with the general public, scientists, journalists, scientific and governmental institutions. (Note, there should be two dashes with no spaces, or one long dash. There are two dashes, after "media" and after "museums". The software for this forum misinterprets the two dashes, so I had to cheat.)

Why do you write "capacity of interating with different actors"? The more complicated and erudite you try to sound, the less effective your prose becomes. Try to say as much as possible in as few words as possible.

So I suggest going through the rest of your letter and simplifying it by making the pose more direct and concise.
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I revised my letter, trying to simplify and make it more direct, and most of all, to give more effective support to my statement. The subject of the application has changed, but the principles are the same.

Hope it works better.

Dear --------------,

I am writing to apply to -------------- Institute, for the phD project regarding ----(topic)-----------.

In 2008, I graduated from Università degli Studi di Padova (Italy) with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology. Following my first degree, I remained at the same university, where I am about to receive a Master Degree in Evolutionary Biology, in October. Through my years of studying, I became fascinated with ecology and environmental issues. After taking my high school diploma, in summer 2004, I worked as a volunteer in Riserva Naturale Isola di Lampedusa to support the local equipe in protecting sea turtles during reproductive season and doing environmental education among tourists. I also took part in the camp for applied Eco-Ethology at Parco Nazionale delle Foreste Casentinesi, to study the impact of the institution of natural reserves on local population. I discovered how much application of my studies to conservation and environmental protection was satisfying for me.

I conducted my Bachelor’s thesis on animal pshysiology, studying adaptations of a sea water crustacean (Upogebia pusilla) to lower oxygen environments. During this three month period, I experienced field work in the lagoon of Chioggia (Venezia, Italy) with strong enthusiasm. During Master’s degree, through exams like Ethology and Organisms Interaction, as well as divulgative lectures, I acquired a strong interest in animal ethology, as is demonstrated by excellent results gained in those subjects.

In the meantime, I attended a two-year Master Course in Science Communication at ISAS (International School for Advanced Studies), Trieste (Italy). This experience not only provided me the opportunity to practice different forms of scientific communication and deal with the overall of scientific subjects, but also developed my capacity to deal with public as well as scientists, journalists, scientific and governmental institutions, through realisation of articles, multimedia, animation work in science festivals, realisation of exhibitions, organisation of scientific events.

I am currently in an Erasmus exchange program at the Université Paris-Sud XI, where I have chosen to conduct my Master thesis project in the field of ecological modelling, at Department Ecologie, Biodiversité et Evolution. In this framework I had the opportunity to work with students and researchers coming from all over Europe, who kindled my enthusiasm about prosecuting my studies with an international research experience, and made me acquire a deeper appreciation of the different perspectives in ecology. Furthermore, I sharpened my critical thinking and analysis as well as acquired new skills and techniques. I am working in R software environment on a statistical model describing reproductive pattern of sea turtles, readjusting it by search of new parameters by optimization. Attending extracurricular classes, I learned how to apply the R language on the analysis of biological and ecological data.

I found a great interest on this topic of research because it puts together some of my favourite topics: ecology, animal physiology and ethology. Moreover, I retain the opportunity to work in a prestigious institution like Université Pierre et Marie Curie extremely challenging and as an additional motivation for me.

My varied academic curriculum provided me a solid knowledge of the different subjects implied in the research project. I also developed good skills in science communication, which could make me easy to spread research results in scientific contexts as journals, workshop and conferences, as well as public ones, like newspapers, magazines and expositions.

Given my record of good academic achievement and strong interest in your research program, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy working on the topics that ignite my curiosity the most. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my interdisciplinary and international background will meet your research school expectations.

Thank you for considering my application.

Yours sincerely,

Anna Rizzo
The first phrase

I am writing to apply to Institute, for the phD project regarding (topic)--.

is just

I am writing to apply to Université Pierre et Marie Cuire-UPMC, for the phD project regarding maternal effetcs on natural bird populations.
*** indicates substantial changes

Dear --,

I am writing to apply to Institute, for the phD project regarding (topic)--.

In 2008, I graduated from Università degli Studi di Padova (Italy) with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology. Following my first degree, I remained at the same university, where I ***will receive in October a Master's(?? compare with original) Degree in Evolutionary Biology.

Through my years of studying, I became fascinated with ecology and environmental issues. After taking my high school diploma, in summer 2004, I worked as a volunteer in Riserva Naturale Isola di Lampedusa to support the local equipe in protecting sea turtles during reproductive season and ***educating tourists on our environment. ***At a camp for applied Eco-Ethology at Parco Nazionale delle Foreste Casentinesi, ***I studied the impact of the institution of natural reserves on local population. ***Through these activities, I ***became passionate about our environment and its preservation.

I ***completed my Bachelor’s thesis on animal pshysiology, studying adaptations of a sea water crustacean (Upogebia pusilla) to lower oxygen environments. ***I enjoyed my three month period field work in the lagoon of Chioggia (Venezia, Italy).(prior sentence needs more work) During Master’s degree, I excelled at animal ethology where I learned (xxx). (They have your transcripts and will see your marks. This letter should be self-contained.)

In the meantime, I attended a two-year Master Course in Science Communication at ISAS (International School for Advanced Studies), Trieste (Italy). This experience not only provided me the opportunity to practice different forms of scientific communication***, but also developed my capacity to ***interact with the public as well as scientists, journalists, scientific and governmental institutions. Through my studies, I learned how to use write and promote articles, (need more stuff here to make this flow smoothly) multimedia, animation work in science festivals, realisation of exhibitions, organisation of scientific events.

***At present, I am in an Erasmus exchange program at the Université Paris-Sud XI, where ***I am conducting my Master thesis project in the field of ecological modelling, at Department Ecologie, Biodiversité et Evolution. In this framework (framework??, doesn't feel right) I had the opportunity to work with students and researchers ***from all over Europe, who kindled/strengthened my enthusiasm about prosecuting (nobody is prosecuting your studies...doesn't make sense) my studies with an international research experience, and made me acquire a deeper appreciation of the different perspectives in ecology.(You have a habit of making your sentence long with extraneous non-valued added stuff at the end. Try making your sentences shorter with only essential information.) Furthermore, I sharpened my critical thinking and analysis as well as acquired new skills and techniques. (prior sentence is vacuous because you don't support it.) I am working in R software environment on a statistical model describing reproductive pattern of sea turtles, readjusting it by search of new parameters by optimization. Attending extracurricular classes, I learned how to apply the R language on the analysis of biological and ecological data.(this whole paragraph needs more work. I am not sure what the main purpose of this paragraph is. Is it that you're an exchange student? Became more passionate about your studies? Or that you are working with soem statistical software? Help your reader by telling her exactly what she needs to read and understand. Everything else, eliminate.)

I found a great interest on this topic of research because it puts together some of my favourite topics: ecology, animal physiology and ethology. Moreover, I retain the opportunity to work in a prestigious institution like Université Pierre et Marie Curie extremely challenging and as an additional motivation for me. (This passion topic is repetitive. Not sure what you are trying to communicate here.)

My varied academic curriculum provided me a solid knowledge of the different subjects implied in the research project. I also developed good skills in science communication, which could make me easy to spread research results in scientific contexts as journals, workshop and conferences, as well as public ones, like newspapers, magazines and expositions. (Hasn't your media stuff already been communicated? So why repeat? Given your emphasis on communication, a reader expects more from you. She expects tight, concise prose. Otherwise, she will question your prior communication studies.)

Given my record of ***solid academic achievement and strong interest in your research program, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I will enjoy ***excel. (You want to leave the impression that you will excel at the entire program) In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my interdisciplinary and international background will ***strengthen your ***class/students/something.

Thank you for considering my application, ***and I look forward to your acceptance.

Yours sincerely,
Anna Rizzo

(You still need to reduce more clutter. You are improving. )
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Dear ----,

I am writing to apply to Université Pierre et Marie Curie-UPMC, for the PhD project regarding maternal effects on natural bird populations.

In 2008, I graduated from Università degli Studi di Padova (Italy) with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology. Following my first degree, I remained at the same university, where I will receive in October a Master of Science degree in Evolutionary Biology.

Through my years of studying, I became fascinated with ecology and environmental issues. After taking my high school diploma, in summer 2004, I worked as a volunteer in Riserva Naturale Isola di Lampedusa to support the local team in protecting sea turtles during reproductive season and educating tourists to respectful and sustainable behaviors. At a camp for applied Eco-Ethnology at Parco Nazionale delle Foreste Casentinesi, I studied the impact of the institution of natural reserves on local populations. Through these activities, I became passionate about preservation of our environment.

I completed my Bachelor’s thesis on animal physiology, studying adaptations of a seawater crustacean (Upogebia pusilla) to lower oxygen environments. The three month period field work in the lagoon of Chioggia (Venezia, Italy) was really satisfying for me, as I learned to collect animals and create adequate living conditions for them in the marine stations, as well as manipulate them with the right care. During Master’s degree, I excelled at animal ethology where I learned how to approach an experimental issue and find the right methodologies to handle it.

In the meantime, I attended a two-year Master Course in Science Communication at ISAS (International School for Advanced Studies), Trieste (Italy). This experience not only provided me the opportunity to practice different forms of scientific communication, but also developed my capacity to interact with the public as well as scientists, journalists, scientific and governmental institutions. Through these studies, I learned how to redact articles, how to conduct inquiries and interviews.

I acquired skills in audio and video editing, as well as guidelines for realizing editorial products. We experience the process of event organizing by Brain Scan, a public meeting dealing with application of brain scanning techniques to consumers for marketing purposes. I got especially involved in the course regarding scientific museums, learning how establish new exhibitions and working as a scientific animator for two years in the Genova Science Festival.

At present, I am in an Erasmus exchange program at the Université Paris-Sud XI, where I am conducting my Master thesis project on populations dynamics of sea turtles, at Department Ecologie, Biodiversité et Evolution.

This experience made me acquire a deeper appreciation of the different perspectives in ecology, as I learned new ecological modeling approaches. I am working in R software environment on a statistical model describing turtles reproductive patterns, readjusting it by search of new parameters by optimization. Attending extracurricular classes, I learned how to apply the R language on the analysis of biological and ecological data.

Most of all, I had the opportunity to work with students and researchers from all over Europe, who kindled my enthusiasm about prosecuting my research experience with a PhD program. As I realized with great appreciation how this experience has been enriching for me, I chose to search a program in a foreign country.

Not only I appreciate your topic of research for its location, plainly. Moreover, this project puts together some of my favorite topics: ecology, animal physiology and ethology. In addition, the challenging opportunity to work in a prestigious institution like Université Pierre et Marie Curie, far from being a defect, has given me further motivation.

Given my record of solid academic achievement and strong interest in your research program, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I could excel. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my interdisciplinary and international background will provide new valuable contribution to your research team.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Yours sincerely,
Dear --,

I am writing to apply to Université Pierre et Marie Curie-UPMC, for the PhD project (programme or program, however you spell it in Europe?) regarding maternal effects on natural bird populations.

In 2008, I graduated from Università degli Studi di Padova (Italy) with a Bachelor of Science degree in Biology. Following my first degree, I remained at the same university, where I will receive in October a Master of Science degree in Evolutionary Biology.

Through my years of studying, I became fascinated with ecology and environmental issues. After **graduating with my high school diploma, in summer 2004, I worked as a volunteer in Riserva Naturale Isola di Lampedusa ***where I supported [or assisted] the local team in protecting sea turtles during ***their reproductive season and ***in educating tourists [to respectful and sustainable behaviors**this part is awkward, doesn't sound good. Try to rephrase]. At a camp for applied Eco-Ethnology at Parco Nazionale delle Foreste Casentinesi, I studied the ***effects of the institution[? no clue what you are saying] of natural reserves on local populations. Through these activities, I became passionate about preservation of our environment.

**My Bachelor’s thesis on animal physiology ****addressed adaptations of a seawater crustacean (Upogebia pusilla) to lower oxygen environments. The three months of** field work in the lagoon of Chioggia (Venezia, Italy) was [try to eliminate adverbs and adjectives] satisfying for me, as I learned to collect animals and create adequate living conditions for them in the marine stations, as well as manipulate [handle?] them with the [proper] right[delete] care. ***And later during Master’s degree, I excelled at animal ethology where I learned how to approach an experimental issue and find the right methodologies to handle it. [this last sentence is too vague. If someone asked me what you learned in your Master's program, how would I answer?]

In the meantime [meantime to what?], I attended a two-year Master Course in Science Communication at ISAS (International School for Advanced Studies), Trieste (Italy). This experience provided me not only the opportunity to practice different forms of scientific communication, but also to interact with the public as well as scientists, journalists, scientific and governmental institutions. Through these studies, I learned how to redact articles[redacting is important?], how to conduct inquiries and interviews. [Why not say something that you learned to organize and emphasize key information in a manner that is easily and readily understood by its intended audience. Isnt' that the essence of communication?]

[Where does this fit in? Is it part of your master course?]I acquired skills in audio and video editing, as well as guidelines for realizing editorial products. We experience[d] the process of event organizing by Brain Scan, a public meeting dealing with application of brain scanning techniques to consumers for marketing purposes. I got especially involved in the course regarding scientific museums, learning how establish new exhibitions and working as a scientific animator for two years in the Genova Science Festival.

[The process of event organizing seems overly wordy. How about, "We learned to organize events..." That whole paragraph seems awkward. I am not sure what I supposed to focus on as your key points.]

At present, I am in an Erasmus exchange program at the Université Paris-Sud XI, where I am conducting my Master thesis project on populations dynamics of sea turtles, at Department Ecologie, Biodiversité et Evolution.

This experience [exchange program?] made me acquire a deeper appreciation of the different perspectives in ecology, as I learned new ecological modeling approaches. I am working in R software environment on a statistical model describing turtles reproductive patterns, readjusting it by search of new parameters by optimization. Attending extracurricular classes, I learned how to apply the R language on the analysis of biological and ecological data.

Most of all, I had the opportunity to work with students and researchers from all over Europe, who kindled [kindled, awkward word] my enthusiasm about prosecuting [discussed prosecuting before...tired of repeating myself..."prosecuting your research experience" doesn't make any sense. Someting got lost in translation.] my research experience with a PhD program. As I realized with great appreciation how this experience has been enriching for me, I chose to search a program in a foreign country.

Not only I appreciate your topic of research for its location, plainly. Moreover, this project puts together some of my favorite topics: ecology, animal physiology and ethology. In addition, the challenging opportunity to work in a prestigious institution like Université Pierre et Marie Curie, far from being a defect[what is this defect stuff all about????], has given me further motivation.

Given my record of solid academic achievement and strong interest in your research program, I am certain that, if given the opportunity, I could [could or would?] excel. In addition to my academic qualifications, I am confident that my interdisciplinary and international background will provide new valuable contribution to your research team.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Yours sincerely,
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