"My Turn" essay for scholarship

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Anonymous:
Description of the objective:

The "My Turn" Essay Competition is available to high school students who submit an essay similar in format to the weekly "My Turn" column in NEWSWEEK. Judges look for direct personal experience and observation with a fresh, original point of view. Your essay should be engaging, moving or thought provoking and should appeal to a national readership.

Here's my essay:

Daddy Dearest

Having a teacher/ journalist/ big dreamer for a father (isn’t the easiest thing in the world) expectations have always been embedded upon me to have great futures. Of course, this is every parent’s dream for their offspring; but, mine, it’s an expectation. For as long as I can remember the question “What do you want to be?” “What major are you going into?” have repeatedly haunted me. It’s become so repetitively vexing that every time I hear it, I’d grunt, or let out a long sign. “Why won’t he [my father] just leave me alone?” I thought to myself. Well, now that he’s not by my side to nudge me anymore, I finally have the answer to the question that he’s been waiting for.

My father is everything you could possibly imagine. He was a swimmer, a teacher, is a magazine owner, a photographer, a journalist, a big dreamer, and a man with multitude of talents. He could do anything he puts his mind to—the word obstacle has never been in his dictionary when it comes to building his dream. Once he sets his goal, you’ll be sure it’ll be done—even if it takes years for completion.

Growing up, I always thought of myself as the cool kid, because I’m a magazine owner’s kid. Going around town with my father people would ask him, “Is that your daughter?” And I would timidly smile, but in my head, I would cockily note, “Yep, that’s me, the owner’s kid.” Favouring the tidbit of whatever little fame I could profit from his eminence. The good thing of having a journalist for a father means I get some of his glory; the bad thing is the expectation that comes with it.

Of course, I want to amount to something in life. Of course, I want to be at least half of what my dad is. However, as a kid, how many 13, 14, year of age really think about…honestly think about what major or career they would like to pursuit? Not a lot. And I was one to them. I went though 4 or 5 different career within 4 years. In reality, I don’t think that would work out accordingly.

Being the big dreamer that my father is, he follows his dream. He follows the waves and crests of the ocean which landed him oversea where he started his own architectural company, where he’s the president. He’s always on the move…moving up the latter…and right out of my life. I’m not saying this out of anger or emotional distress, but, out of the fear that there is no one to sit by my side and give me the motivation and inspiration to further my aspirations. There’s this churn of apprehension in my stomach to know that the one person that has always been right next to my ear taunting me with those questions, “What are you going to be” “What major are you going into?” just suddenly disappeared. However, then there’s this big relieve in me knowing that I will have this great independency that I’ve always wanted.

Now, expectation is now greater than ever. The last carrier of the respected name, I now have the responsibility…or I feel that it is my responsibility to take care of my mom, as she now is practically a single mom; trying to raise me alone solely on her small income. It was never in the plan for her to work hard. She just worked for fun; we lived mostly on my dad’s income. Now, completely depending her to bring home the bacon, I have to help taking care of the house and try my best in school so one day, I would make something of myself, and give her a lavish life.

I see this is a new start for both me and him. This will be a stated prove that I will survive without his guidance. And for him, he can live his dream without having the guilt that he’s “abandoned” me. With his absence, it only encourages me to push harder and to maintain the great honour of the “Ngô” family, here, in the U.S, and oversea, in Vietnam.

Constructive critisism is much needed...so please be honest.
I don't think it is appropriate to help you with your entry for a competition/scholarship as it is unfair on the other entrants. This should be all your own work.

Good luck though.
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Anonymous:
What I want is a grammar check. I'm sure other competitor needs someone to read over their essay too.
Ok, there are grammatical errors in your essay.
Proficient Speaker: Users in this role are known to maintain an excellent grasp of the English language. You can only be promoted to this role by the Englishforums team.Retired Moderator: A moderator who has retired.
Okay, if you're going to be smart about it, please don't reply to my post. Really, it's a waste of our time.
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