Hello, I wrote down all of the notes I had for you on my whiteboard, and because I need to clear up room I'm just going to post what I have written down instead of erasing it and wasting it.
Practically every problem in your paper fits into 3 categories. The first has to do with Articles, a/an/the. The second problem has to do with maintaining the same verb tense, and the third problem is much simpler, just making sure you are pluralizing your nouns when you need to, and keeping them singular when you do not. Apart from these three main problems there are some other ones I will address at the end of this post. To make everything more organized, I am going to color-coordinate the three main problems so it's easier for you to follow. The first one with articles will be colored RED, the second one with verb tenses will be colored GREEN, and the last one with pluralization will be colored BLUE.
The job of an article is to identify a noun as either a specific or nonspecific noun. Other parts of speech like adjectives serve to modify what type of noun we are referring to, but articles are much more simple. If you use an adjective to tell us what type of noun you are referring to, the article that you use will come before the adjective. "The" is an article that we use to refer to a specific noun. "A/an" are the articles we use to a nonspecific noun, basically it could be any noun, whether or not it's a certain noun is irrelevant. Here are the areas in your paper that have either incorrect article usage, or no article at all when you need one:
"Being an oldest one in the family"- if you are the oldest one in your family, then "an" is incorrect, you are a specific person in your family, you are "the" oldest one.
A cricket, with bat- some type of words do not require articles. One of them are sports. Cricket is a sport, therefor you do not need the article "a" before cricket. The next problem in that sentence is "with bat", bat is the noun and you need to support that noun with an article. Ask yourself, are you referring to a specific bat, or are you referring to bats in general?
middle of game- support the noun with an article, let's see if you can do it on your own :)
but in back of my mind- remember, if you have an adjective that is being used to describe a noun, then the article goes before the description. back of is describing "where" in your mind, sot he article goes before back.
at moment- see if you can do it on your own.
about accident-
in angry tone-
I made mistakes-
That's it for articles...
Verb Tenses: It's very important to maintain the same verb tense consistency in your essay, otherwise it is confusing for the reader to have to jump back and forth from the past to the present without knowing why we are doing so. Many times in your essay you are using the wrong verb tense, so here they are:
asks- you said asks in the present tense, even though you are referring to a memory that happened in the past. So use the past tense form of the word ask... asked.
Can- I think you can figure this out on your own. Past tense of can.
embarass-past tense
run-past tense
delay-past tense
cannot- or could not?
happen-
loose-
tear-
ask-
speak-
am-
learn-
That's it with verb tenses.
This is much easier. Read through your essay and ask yourself if a certain noun needs to be pluralized or not. I think you can do this on your own.
Hope this helps..