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”Dark future ahead of me, that’s what they said, I’d be starvin’ if I ate all the lies they fed, ‘cuz I’ve been redeemed from your anguish and pain, a miracle child I’m floatin’ on a cloud. ‘Cuz the words that come from your mouth you’re the first to hear. Speak words of beauty and you will be there. No matter what anybody says what matters most is what you think of yourself.”
                                      -India.Arie

   I didn’t have any friends beginning elementary school or finishing elementary school. I never knew why I was a natural repellant of people, kids in particular. Looking back on those years now I still cannot believe children so young could be so cruel. Kids will be kids, I guess. One of the reasons was the way I looked. I had short crispy hair that would stay wherever the wind blew it. I was not as childish as some of my peers, I always saw the big picture and never followed the hype.
    The other students never knew when enough was enough. I was teased for my size all the time. During recess one year, I was trying to read one of my favorite books (Yolanda’s Genius) and there were three boys harassing me and just calling me names. They said I was bigger than a hippo and they threw snowballs at me. One of them threw a snowball with some ice in it, he aimed for my head but luckily for me he missed, I was so upset I couldn’t stand to take it any longer I went to tell the teacher and say something. The boy who had started it all said to me if I got him in any trouble he and his friends would “roll my fat ugly ass” down a nearby hill. I stayed put and did not defend myself.
    Another hardship I faced was Josh. Joshua was this boy who I had a crush on in the fifth grade. I don’t know how I got so bold that I stepped up to him, but I did. I told him I had feelings for him and Josh just laughed and told me that because my hair had the same texture as a brillo pad, my skin looked burnt and I didn’t dress the way he thought I should, we would never be together. I could barely take it. I was being rejected for being dark; my feelings were so hurt. After that I had eraticated any thoughts of boys that lingered. I was to insecure and did not th ink I would find another Josh
    Middle school was just as bad if not worse. There were twice as many people and they just got meaner. By the sixth grade I had gotten bigger. My face had matured and my hair became unmanageable. I was still overweight, poor and shunned by my peers. I was the epitome of ugly.
    I became exhausted with feeling ugly, I started to believe that conforming to society’s stereotype of what a black girl should be would make me more respectable. I got extensions in my hair, started to wear make-up, and spoke like I was uneducated. I felt completely remade. I remember when I first modeled my look - I walked into school and was immediately told that I looked like a clown by one of the “popular” girls and others told me my hair looked like a mop.  The cruelty only got worse. The on-going taunts and jeers from my peers filled me with thoughts of running away (as naïve as it sounds) which eventually led to thoughts of ending my life completely.
    I had found a group in the eighth grade that accepted me for me and my thoughts of suicide and running away were suppressed.  I had a hard time confiding in my family who were the only people who seemed to want to tolerate me. Often times I would act as if nothing bothered me. Nobody knew I went home everynight and cried into my pillow until it hurt to breathe.
    High school came and I found myself in a worse emotional state than before, but in fear of being a burden on anyone else or just being annoying, I suppressed my feelings. I tried make-up again, only this time I used more natural tones. Nobody thought I looked like a clown and if they did, they didn’t tell me. It felt good to be generally accepted, kind of like I had a chance to salvage my self-esteem.After a while, I began to reconsider my make-up.It didn’t do much for me and I felt that in order to feel beautiful I would have to reconstruct myself and find my inner beauty I felt that in order to feel beautiful I would have to learn to love me for who I am. That was when I came to the realization that everything my life had revolved around, everything I said I stood for and everything that made me feel like a person was FAKE. It was all a façade. 
    My sophomore year ended with an argument with a friend over my behavior and sudden withdrawal from the group.I did not feel comfortable talking about it; I felt they were untrustworthy so Ijust tried to let everything go I also did not want to hurt anyone by telling them what I saw every time I thought of them and the disgust I felt each time I thought of them. I couldn’t begin to explain to them how they contributed to my pessimistic outlook. I just could not explain how I felt completely saturated in sadness, even if they did make me happy for a short while. I was tired of everything; the lying, the deceit.  I couldn’t stand the way we all placed useless drama onto ourselves by making stupid decisions when we knew better. I had a constant drain of energy that I could not (and did not want to) handle. 
    Over that summer, I had a lot of time to look at some of my situations, both past and present, and I realized all of these situations were either brought on by myself, or brought on for the amusement of other people. I saw that my life was not for entertaining others. I only had to worry and look out for me-do what I needed to do to stay happy and keep a smile on my face. After seeing reality, I didn’t feel naïve anymore, nor did I feel the need to hide anything.
    The next thing I knew that needed to change was my body ( as I stated before, I had a weight problem). I went on a diet plan constructed by me. It consisted of 2 hours of vigorous workout, and no eating or drinking anything but water after 6:30pm. It worked; I had lost 13 lbs in two months. 
    The stance I made was a tremendous life lesson that most women dont realize until they have reached a more accomplished status in life. I felt gorgeous, even as I started gaining the weight back, I still felt/feel beautiful because I had realized that my heart and mind are beautiful and there are so many other, more important things to worry about than being fat. My size does not define my personality nor does it define my mind; it is the way I treat people.
    Learning to love myself was one of the greatest obstacles I have overcome. I am so proud that I can see more than just a pretty face. I am so proud to know what self love and self acceptance feels like. I am beautiful in my eyes and in the eyes of those who know and love me. I’ve realized that being a size 18,  knowing pain, humility and acceptance is better than being a size 10 with nothing on my mind other than sex , drugs and alcohol. I’ve learned in my 18 years of being on this earth that looks should be one of the last things on anyone’s mind. We as people should always be thinking about mental growth, acceptance of diversity, and ways to better ourselves. Only then can we find peace among people.  A lot of people don’t realize that life is in fact what you make of it, if you choose to let yourself be suppressed, than more people will hold and keep you down. After all my previous revelations, I can honestly say I have never been happier to me me.

Hi Ms Lovely,

I'm a little confused here. Do you want our comments on all these pieces?

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The media should report the facts and the news, and allow the reader to form an opinion based on those facts, if magazines abide by this unwritten rule, the libel suit controversy would have proven irrelevant.
Because high-priced, immoral publications cannot keep irrelevant facts, or disreputable falsifications out of the news the government has been forced to question the right of free speech and the penalities of abusing that right.
Ben Wattenberg, a well-known columnist believes in the "Chilling effect" which states that when pressure is applied to any social group, that group will be greater inclined to do what is needed for the citizens to be satisfied. When conservatives began complaining that the media had become to liberal, the media of course denied the charge, but behind closed doors, the truth of this accusitation had been taken into full effect.
Wattenberg also suggests that journalists should report the truth bluntly and free of irrelevancies. This concept is well understood due only to the fact that the public does not want the news to be saturated in inacuracies.
Journalists and publications are failing to realize the importance of keeping the  news real. Although society may become entertained by the falsifications of useless tabliods, we need to be mature and highly skeptical of what we are being told. We need to understand the difference between fact and fiction.
New York trial lawyer, Martin Garbus, contradicts Wattenberg by declaring the dangers of repressing free speech.
The citizens need to know what is going on, as much as the truth might offend a party, if the facts are relevant, they are necessary. In order for the large publications owner to keep business flowing, he must find a lawyer to defend almost each controversial article written, because public officials may be rightly or wrongly accused of any form of disorderly conduct.
The wealthy are also known for participating in this act of insecurity.
Garbus goes on to propose that laws be written to enforce the suppression of libel suits, such as, eliminating awards that were given based upon subjects that may cause libel suits, or forcing publications to make approppriate corrections when they have misinformed the public.
I believe there is an underlying cause that needs to be handled before the issue of whether the press has to much freedom, or not is accounted for. I believe society has forgotten the difference between fact and fiction. Society (Journalists included) need to mature more and realize this dissimilitary.
I, however, agree fully with Garbus' notion that "Journalists should be free to write whatever is true, regardless of the effect." To diminish the act of free speech is to diminish any right the citizens have to make themselves self-governing and free.

Americas media have taken long strides in making citizens self governing and free. We have seen
the media struggle to satisfy both conservative and liberal parties and those in between. The
media will once again have to struggle to keep its once intrested audiences due to the publics
decreasing concern. Studys have shown that less individuals pay attention to the news because of the negativity, scandals
and more entertaining competition. Although the media is protected by wrongful oppression by the government, it does not assure that
todays news media  will be seen as valuable to Americas youth and middle class as it was in the 20th
century.
Mainstream media used to scour the nation with outlets such as, ABC, NBC, CBS, NPR, Time, and The
Washington Post, who were known as the nations news elite. They were believed to have an obligation
to improve society through knowledge and responded shortly after WWII to the
nations need to know what was occurring in the past and presently aggressive central government.
Traditional media acknowledged that news was nothing but facts. Editorials were for opinions.
With this aquired intelligence the media printed stories relevant to the lives of the citizens, and
influencing the lives of the citizens, for example during the Watergate scandal. The Exposing
of Nixons theivery aided the media in proving their reputability. Another example of the media's
respectability was the medias depiction of the Civil Rigts Movement,which was proved to be
thoroughly significant. The Media were "independent guardians of the public good."
So what happened in the 1980's? Why did so many Americans stop depending on traditional media?