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Cute572

#527027 Fri, 13 Jun 08 10:45 PM

First of all I am very thankful to you because I need these opinions, believe me this is my first try in descriptive writing. And I am so confuse. The biggest problem i am facing at this moment is Lacking Words.I am ok in speaking but writing is far from speaking. My mind think feel but i don't find words, my words repeating it self again and again. And now I m stuck with computer as it’s a machine and machine doesn't have any charm, colors nor feelings. I mean if I assume that it support or help me some way but that’s my maximum thinking point. Other things are just objects around it, and i can only describe them with lots of adjectives because adding metaphors with suitable mood is beyond my reach Sad

Do suggest me some adjectives as beside of weak grammar, I am unfamiliar with several words of English as well.

I know my sentences lacks only one thing. And that’s "Charm".

So I need help as much as I can get from you guys!

And please tell me some sites where I can get words easily but still online dictionaries search for words we type in.

Any how trying is better then nothing

I appreciate your opinion as I know this sentence is so un-natural or made up.

Cute572

Joined on Mon, Apr 28 2008

Full Member (211)

Glitter Graphics

Grammar, Metaphors

Goodman

#527037 Fri, 13 Jun 08 11:33 PM

Speaking from experience, I can assure you, as long as you maintain a strong learning desire and a tireless attitude, your English will improve with time. Exposure to natural English by reading and watching informative television programs definitely help develop a stronger vocabulary. Practicing words you learned in forums such as this one will allow you to learn from the experts and help you to get a feel how to use certain words. I am not just saying this. I know exactly how you feel because I had been there myself.
<<>>I know my sentences lacks only one thing. And that’s "Charm".I think the word is "finesse"

<<>>And please tell me some sites where I can get words easily but still online dictionaries search for words we type in New words can be found everywhere if you pay attention to them. They are in magazine or newspaper articles, on TV newscast and dialogs. The only limitation to learning new words is the capacity of our minds. Keep it up!

Goodman

Joined on Mon, Nov 7 2005

Calif. USA

Senior Member (3,200)

The name says it all!

Articles, Vocabulary

Cute572

#527042 Fri, 13 Jun 08 11:53 PM

Now you can see even i lack the word finesse here Tongue Tied

Yeah surely some day i will be writer , only if i dont use much English words Big Smile

Ok i will keep your advice in mind and keep my mind OPEN

Thanks once again for cheering me up Smile

Cute572

#527773 Sun, 15 Jun 08 06:20 PM

Hey guys now please check my paragraph again for mistakes and some suggestions to add good metaphors or improvements.

Thanks !

The computer lies over the wooden table against the mid-wall of my room. Its gradual help in my studies supported me like caretaker. Usually my spelling and grammar are being formatted by this apparently called the machine. The monitor holding gray shield is lying on the top of table, with some sack of books and a cd stand beside it. Just below I see easy-to-press keyboard having soft sound keys on it. Along with it goes mouse, the rolling hand of my desktop screen, smoothly lies on top of black sponge pad[non-essential clause]. A two audios speaker stands at each side of monitor like balmy trees on lake side. All these twine [or use blend] by the central nerve centre CPU, which stands at lower shelf of table and control the whole system like a captain of the ship. In front of the table I see a small round stool resting over my bright carpet's side line.

Cute572

Clauses, Grammar, Metaphors, Paragraphs, Spelling

Cute572

#527845 Mon, 16 Jun 08 12:06 AM

some error occurred i m posting again , Please check again my this computer paragraph for mistakes and improvement suggestions:

Thanks!

Cute572

Clauses, Grammar, Paragraphs, Spelling

Grammar Geek

#527858 Mon, 16 Jun 08 01:32 AM

Cute, I don't want to be discouraging, but you have WAY too many metaphors in here, and some things that are just incomprehensivel.

A rolling hang, balmy trees, a lake side, central nerve center, and a ship captain -- too many!

Here are some problem phrases, and you need to find new ways to say them: mid-wall, apparently called the machine, monitor holding gray shield, rolling had of my desktop screen, a two, side line.

You also are having trouble with articles.

Grammar Geek

Joined on Tue, Jan 10 2006

Pennsylvania, USA

Veteran Member (15,589)

Barbara, who answers in American English.

Articles, Metaphors

Cute572

#528000 Mon, 16 Jun 08 10:12 AM

Thanks GG!

Well yes I used so many metaphors to discover new ones. Can you point out beside of "A two audio speakers", where i use wrong articles? The word apprently i use to say that people see computer as machine but infact its like a home teacher or supporter. In this sense i use apparently , now tell me its still incorrect? Ok then what about allegedly word instead of apparently?

And about side line word, carpet's outer rim or outer edge would be appropriate in sense there?

I don't know what should i use instead of rolling hand as mouse rolls on screen. Should i put sensitive or clicking mouse or like this.

Please GG, explain in detail as i know i have mistakes but please high light them and tell me how to correct or just improvement suggestions.

And also tell me, grammartical mistakes as well and the word i used in 2nd line Caretaker is ok ?

Thanks Smile

Cute572

Articles, Metaphors

Cute572

#528502 Tue, 17 Jun 08 10:24 AM

Guys! I m trying to sort out some thing that works or help me in some way to improve my paraghraph but if you stop replying and pointing my mistakes how come it happen. I have to complete my paragraph, with or without you peoples' help because time is running out, I am not a writer who spend whole life in improving one essay...I am just a student who are trying to get pass somehow but if u do help me i will appreciate it. Otherwise i m sorry to say i will be disappointed. You guys help me alot so dont stop here at this critical time!

GG i am not pressuring only you to answer my posts. You are not ordered to answer but its my way of talking to people, to continue with people who answer me first. If someone like to answer, answer without pressure. I am requesting to all members out there who are reading my post.

Please Reply My POSTS !

Cute572

Essays, Paragraphs

New2grammar

#528512 Tue, 17 Jun 08 10:54 AM

Note that I've not been following your thread and this is just a comment about how you show post in order to get better response. I don't mean to criticize negatively. This is just a suggestion.

I guess nobody dares to go through your 4 page long thread and then answers your endless questions. I suggest you break your writing into smaller pieces and post them as individual posts. That way, those who are willing to help do not have to spend a lot of time going through your long writing and most probably you'll get better and effective answers. I owuld like to help but like I said, I don't even dare to continue where I left off, which is in the first page I believe.

No offense. Ignore my comment if you don't agree with my opinion.

New2grammar

Joined on Tue, Nov 21 2006

Veteran Member (7,670)

Who wants to go sailing around the world with me?

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