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Latest post Tue, Aug 3 2004 1:18 PM by Guest. 3 replies.
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Guest  +  40581 Tue, 03 Aug 04 01:18 PM
Which is correct?

1. "Our primary goal for this site is to provide you with one main communication hub, while at the same time, promote a unified identity for the organization."


2. "Our primary goal for this site is to provide you with one main communication hub, while at the same time, promoting a unified identity for the organization."
Guest
miriam  +  40624 Tue, 03 Aug 04 04:22 PM
Hi, Guest. Smile [:)]

There can be no paralel construction if you use "while", since "while" is a subordinator that is introducing a dependent clause. If you wish to use "while" anyway, your sentence could be rewritten like this:
a. "Our primary goal for this site is to provide you with one main communication hub, while promoting a unified identity for the organization."
(you cannot say "while to promote"...")

Without using "while", you could write:
b. "Our primary goal for this site is to provide you with one main communication hub and, at the same time, to promote a unified identity for the organization."
Here, you have "paralel sturctures".

Perhaps there are other ways to improve your sentence. Let's see what others have to say?

Miriam
miriam
Joined on Mon, May 10 2004
Argentina
Regular Member 821
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." Plato
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CalifJim  +  40699 Wed, 04 Aug 04 01:20 AM
Correct:

"Our primary goal for this site is to provide you with one main communication hub, while at the same time promoting a unified identity for the organization."


The verb form used after prepositions and subordinating conjunctions such as "when", "while", "before", and "after" is the "ing" form.

You have here "while + promote", which has to be rendered as "while promoting".

The phrase "at the same time" is redundant, because it means the same thing as "while". In fact, you could substitute one for the other, forming:

"Our primary goal for this site is to provide you with one main communication hub, at the same time promoting a unified identity for the organization."

In spite of the redundancy, I'd keep them both. I feel that it adds something to the rhythm of the sentence.

Note that I removed a comma. Since "at the same time" is stuck between "while" and "promoting", I suppose you might write " hub, while, at the same time, promoting ..." , but that is far too many commas for me! Very few people would accept all those commas, but just the one you have doesn't work because it separates the "while" from the "promoting".
CalifJim
Joined on Mon, Aug 2 2004
California
Veteran Member 22,415
"There are no facts, only interpretations" - Nietzsche
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miriam  +  40778 Wed, 04 Aug 04 03:01 PM
However, the commas setting off "at the same time" are correctly placed. I have seen that poeple tend to use fewer commas these days for some reason. I agree that there are many commas in the sentence, but not too many; and the "many" commas are grammatically correct.
Let me explain why:

"While" and "at the same time" have the same meaning in that sentence. "At the same time" appears in apposition to "while". And, since both have the same meaning, "at the same time" is not adding any relevant information to the sentence; it is what is called a "non-restrictive appositive". As such, it goes between commas... or at least, it should.
But, again, many people seem to feel that commas make sentences look "ugly".

Miriam
miriam
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