Personnal statement (motivation letter)

Hello!

I found this forum while searching for help with the personnal statement I need to send with my application in order to study abroad.

Here the letter I have now :

Dear Sir or Madam,

 

I am studying Bachelors Degree of Software Engineering at CurrentUniv. I am completing my second year and would like to study abroad at OtherUniv during my third year.

 

I have strong interest for database management systems as well as artificial intelligence. Indeed, throughout my two internships I acquired good experience with DBMS. As for my interest in artificial intelligence, it comes from a course I took last semester in which we overviewed evolutionary computation.

 

In addition of taking courses at OtherUniv, I look forward to the opportunity of meeting new people from various cultures. As a future engineer, it’s beneficial for me to be exposed to various points of view that will contribute to my creativity and flexibility, besides the cultural and language gains.

 

In French, there’s a proverb that means “Travels train young people”. Studying abroad will allow me to develop skills I would never learn in a classroom. I will face a myriad of challenges that I will have to conquer. I expect to encounter situations that will be wholly unfamiliar to me and to which I will need to react and adapt. Some may find this scary; I think it’s exciting and an ideal occasion to grow.

 

 

Yours Faithfully,



Thank you a lot for your input!! :)

Hi

First of all, your ending is a bit abrupt.

I would add something like: I look forward to studying at Otheruniv. or something like that. I would also add some more reasons why you chose that specific university (and not a different one).

Also, try to connect DBMS and AI to the university you want to go to. Why are those subjects important for that university?

Greets, Stefan

PS: I got a motivation letter too, feel free to take a glance at it :-P