Hi Crazy-- I finally got here. I have added some comments in brackets after underlined 'problems':Do Sports and Drugs Mix?
Since the dawn of time [a ridiculous exaggeration; delete it] it seems that you can’t [do not use contractions in essays: change to cannot] think of sports
without some sort of drug scandal creeping into the thought as well.
It’s [contraction: it is] not just baseball that is tainted with scandal; it is every sport
from football to gymnastics.
When you think of sports, what comes to mind? The different sporting
events, the many unique players that make up their sport or the drug
scandals spread throughout. Maybe it’s a little bit of each. [the first is not a complete sentence; the second is an afterthought: combine them into a single complete sentence: 'What probably comes to mind is....'] To level
the playing field for those players that chose not to use
performance-enhancing drugs, why don’t the big wigs [slang: change to officials] drug test everyone
before their game or events that they are in? It’s [It is. I won't make this note for further contractions below] bad enough that
sports players have more perks than the normal civilian [wrong word; civilian is the opposite of soldier; use e.g. person], if my brother,
who played baseball in high school, would have used [wrong verb form: use had used] steroids to help his
game he would have been kicked off the team. So [essentially conversational and meaningless; delete] why isn’t the same true
for professional sports players? Maybe the owners of the teams don’t
want to lose their star players, so they cover it up somewhat, but why
not drug test each and every one of the players so that there aren’t
any favorites? That way, when someone comes up positive they can be
reprimanded in the proper, professional manner.
OK, I'm going to stop here, Crazy, and leave you with some general comments to take into consideration for your essay revision.
First, I think your essay so far is quite good. Your flow of language is natural, easy to follow, straightforward and to the point-- and these are key features of a good essay. You have an admirable ease of expression.
A big potential problem (and I say potential because it much depends on who is grading your essay) is that it is overall too informal in register: you are writing naturally, and much as you would speak. If your teacher requires a more formal approach to essay composition (and most do), then your use of contractions (isn't, don't), slang and casual English (bigwigs, kicked off, perks), and conversational structures (What comes to mind? The events, the players.... That way,...) are going to lose you points. In your revision, put your head to saying what you want to say in a more formal manner and with a more formal vocabulary. It is easy to go overboard on this (and most essayists in fact do, making their writing turgid and convoluted in the process), but trying to be bit more businesslike in language should improve your essay. For the rest below, I shall just embolden some areas to think about: Not only do the players that use performance-enhancing drugs get an
unfair advantage they also put themselves at risk for many different
things from sterility, infertility, liver damage to even death. Are the
risks worth all that? Some players may think so.
There are many different types of performance-enhancing drugs that
players can use to help them in their sport. One type is Anabolic
Steroids. This type of drug increases muscle strength by encouraging
new muscle growth. They also allow the person using them to train
harder and longer for any given period. Yet this drug has damaging side
effects, liver damage, sterility in men and infertility in women, and
it can lead to death.
Another type of performance enhancer is (hGH) Human Growth Hormone,
while this natural and important for human growth, especially in
children and teenagers, excessive hGH levels increase muscle mass. Some
of the side effects of this drug include overgrowth of hands, feet, and
face, enlarged internal organs, and heart problems.
If theses drugs were safe for use by athletes or anyone for that
matter, then why can they lead to the players’ early death? Because
they over stimulate the natural growth of the body and it’s muscles and
organs.
Sammy Sosa admitted to using performance-enhancers while playing
baseball and stated “ Steroids are very lethal and very bad for you.”
Many fans of sports feel cheated having learned that some of their
favorite athletes have admitted to using performance-enhancers to
increase their “game.” Dr. Dean Edell said “Most drugs, steroids, or
supplements don't live up to their billing and even if they did, the
side effects can be dangerous to your health.” If doctors will tell you
that these drugs are not safe for consumption then why do people take
them and use them on a regular basis? To make them feel good about
themselves. To give them a better advantage over the “regular” players.
To make them stand out above everyone else in their game or sport.
These seem like the logical answers.
One classmate of mine in high school used steroids for 3 [write out small numbers: three] years
while playing football and was the quarter back of our team. Everyone
thought he was going to make it to the NFL but during our senior year
of high school he was drug tested before the homecoming game and was
found to be positive. When confronted with this information only then
did he admit that he had been using steroids on a regular basis for 3
years. He was immediately kicked off the team and stripped of the
chance to play football in college. He was labeled a druggie and a fake
by everyone in town. No one wanted to be associated with him from that
point on. Fellow classmates wouldn’t talk to him and so he and his
family moved but not before he gave a speech to everyone in our school.
He stated “I know what I did was wrong and I know the risks that I was
taking when I chose to take steroids but I wanted to be the best player
I could be and I thought this was the way to be that “Star” player, it
made me that star player for awhile. I am sorry that I hurt our school
and my fellow players and I only wish that I could go back and undo the
damage I have caused.”
So far so good. Study the use of the comma- there are a number of grammar websites. Do not abuse quotation marks.
Good luck!
MM