Dear Sir/Madam,

It was unimaginable [wrong word] when I received the first [the first in your country, university or course?  Or your first?] foreign scholarship for my Bachelor of Science in Computing [or Computer Science] (B.Sc).The thing that I has really dignified [wrong word] and kept in mind is studying abroad always brings students much value [benefit].

I got first became familiar with [or interested in] the computers quite early during my Secondary School in Vietnam, even though IT was not an official subject. I loved and was fascinated by this small machine which exercises both my creative and our [you need to be consistent in pronoun choice] logical side. My dream was to become a famous IT researcher in the future. I entered Hanoi University of Technology, one of the best universities in Vietnam with IT major [do you mean that the University offers IT as a major, or that you majored in IT?], and as my dream [and fulfilling my dream,], I got the chance to start my B.Sc in September 2002, and earned completing my degree in September 2006 at President University in Indonesia. [This is a very long and complex sentence - can you break it down into two or more sentences?] Living and studying in an industrial environment during my undergraduate years [or as an undergraduate] had helped me develop my personal ability, my skills and my knowledge of Computer Technology. Equipped with fundamental theory in the class and through some part time projects, it empowered my capacity [not sure what you mean here.  Perhaps, This was backed up with sound theoretical understanding through the taught components of the course.]. Classes that I engaged in included Internet Programming, Desktop Application Programming and Network Security. I like to work with the Linux environment, especially for firewall protection system. I was a fan of C++ programming language; it was the reason for me to do successfully my thesis  [and for this reason I focused my thesis on] “P2P Video Conferencing in the context of Video over IP” using C++.

My professor Prof. Dr. Muliawati and my dean Ir. Rila Mandala, Ph.D have always encouraged me to pursue further study, and to my mind, I always pursue the dream, [not sure what you mean.  Perhaps, and this is also a long-held ambition of mine.] I wish to earn a Master Degree in Computer Science, even, and in the longer term I intend to follow this up with a Ph.D.  Therefore I know I must return to the academic world for my family, my research, my dedication to education and  further my growth. [This sentence sounds strange in a motivation letter, and it isn't quite clear what you mean.  You might want to omit it.]

I know my second opportunity came since I heard about Leeds University  [not sure what you mean here.  Perhaps, I was very interested to hear about the opportunities for further study available at Leeds University] from my classmate who is studying there. I spoke to my professors, my lecturers and my colleges about this opportunity of with [or offered by]your University. Leeds University is reputable [has a good/strong reputation] for its research facilities and computing resources. In addition, the information from website also gave me much interest in there [??]. I have applied for a scholarship and I believe Leeds University is the right choice for my Master of Computer Science.

Finally, I kindly [wrong word] want to indicate my request in order to be considered [I would like to be considered] for one of the scholarships that is provided offered by Leeds University. I am very ambitious to pursue a career of academic research, and  I sincerely hope that my personal qualities and educational experience will be sufficient for you to consider me an appropriate match candidate. If there is any possibility of arranging an interview, I would appreciate hearing from you.

 Yours Sincerely,