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Latest post Thu, Aug 21 2008 8:51 AM by Ayubxon88. 2 replies.
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Ayubxon88  +  556336 Tue, 19 Aug 08 02:05 AM
I have been using this forum for about 2 month and never had a chance to ask your help. I wrote my own cover letter by using my knowledge that I took from this forum. Please check my letter and correct my mistakes. I would be delighted to receive your respond soon.

Truly,
Alex

COVER LETTER

Sinsung-dong Hana Apt 109-1305, DAEJEON

08 August, 2008
Dear Hiring Partner

I am writing in response to your recent advertisement for a new network manager. Because of my background in computer network, I am confident that I match your published profile. Please find my curriculum vitae for your consideration.

I studied Computer Science at Ehwa Women’s University, Korea. I have worked as a system administrator in Agency for Defense Development since 1997. I have worked as a Network Administrator over a 30 server and more than 3000 users. Also, I recently worked as a security manager to integrate security systems and network infrastructure.. Also I have managed security systems like Firewall, IDS for the past 7 years. My experience in the area of Unix system, Windows Systems, networks, and Security Systems are cooperated each other. Those experience allowed me to design very large campus network and I can integrate many servers and security systems with network infrastructure seemlessly. I hold MCSE certification from Microsoft and CCNA certification from Cisco Systems. I received my master degree in Computer Science at Chungnam University, Korea. I am pursuing my PhD. I am already done with my coursework and starting my dissertation.

I believe I have the qualities that you expect. I am very interested in this position. It would be a great opportunity for me to work at XXX company. I will contact you within the next two weeks to arrange an interview. You may reach me at phone or through email.

Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,
**.
Joined on Tue, Aug 19 2008
South Korea
New Member 12
Radjiyev Ayubkhon
Avangi  +  557077 Thu, 21 Aug 08 05:54 AM
Just a couple of notes   -   I don't have the energy to check it all.

<backgroung in computer network>  To me, this is a thing and not a field.  I should think, "computer networking" or "computer networks." 

I believe in the US we would say, "as a systems administrator in the Agency etc."

<managed security systems like Firewall,IDS etc.>  If these are two different systems, use "Firewall and IDS."  If "IDS" is part of the Firewall brand name, I doubt it includes a comma.  Also, I'd recommend replacing "like" with "such as."  Like could be taken as "similar to," meaning that you haven't actually had any Firewall experience.  I'm not sure what it means to manage a system like Firewall.  I thought proprietary systems had "admistrators." is that the same as "managers"?

I think someone in the business would say, "My experiences with Unix, Windows, networks, and security systems complement each other, and have allowed me to design a very large campus network, in which I was able to seamlessly integrate many servers and security systems within the network infrastructure.

<I hold MCSE etc.>   [new paragraph]

Where are you pursuing your PhD?

<I am already done etc.>   I've completed my coursework and have begun work on my dissertation.

Do you mean "qualities," or "qualifications"?  you expect /  you are looking for  ???    (I'd suggest placing the "I am very interested etc." and the "opportunity" sentences at the beginning of this paragraph.)

<reach me at phone>  What do you want to say here?

 - A.
Joined on Mon, Nov 19 2007
Veteran Member 8,182
". . . le plaisir delicieux et toujours nouveau d'une occupation inutile." - Henri de Regnier
Ayubxon88  +  557121 Thu, 21 Aug 08 08:51 AM
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Hi Avangi!
I would like to say thanks to you for checking my letter.
I will keep in mind everything that you have suggested me.
If you will have some free time please could you give me more suggestions about my cover letter.
Thank you for advance.
Truly yours,
Alex
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