Please check my essay...

   Share on Facebook  
Kumi  #170825  Sat, 17 Dec 05 02:15 PM

My Dreams

chemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />> >

> >

            I have a number of dreams that I wish it will come true. Everybody have their own dreams. So do i.

            First of all, I would make sure that I would keep fit. Maybe this sounds strange to you. For me, a person who is fit is one who can perform ordinary physical tasks with ease. The likelihood of a fit person getting ill is less than one who is unfit. It is important for me to keep fit so that I am not burdened by weakness and disease.

            I would travel around the world, I would visit all the famous places and stay in each country to learn its customs and languages. Guided tours would not be for me because they do not allow me to get to know a place really well. I would tour the world on my own time and at my own pace. It would probably take me a few years to accomplish the tour but I am sure the time will be well spent. At the end of the tour I would have a rich knowledge of our planet.

            Back home, I would build a mansion on a large piece of land. The mansion would be designed by me and it would have enough rooms to accommodate the large family that I intend to have. It would also contain a well-equipped gymnasium. On the grounds I would have a beautiful garden surrounded by majestic trees.

            For the intellectually inclined, I would gibe out scholarships to help bring them to the fore, especially the less fortunate ones who may have the brains but not the financial means. Our country would benefit greatly in terms of having more well-educated and capable people contributing to its well-being. I would also set up a centre where such capable people can gather regularly to discuss the ways and means by which society as a whole can be improved. Only genuine people will be welcome.

            Last but not least, I will have to make sure I remain a millionaire. In other words I must make sure my sources of money are not diminished. This will require that I keep a firm hold of the business I am involved in. only then can I be sure that I remain a millionaire. Why would I want to remain a millionaire? Simple, if I were not one, all the things that I have started will come to nought and all my efforts would be wasted. Hopefully all my dreams would be accomplish one day.

  
Not Ranked
Joined on Mon, Dec 5 2005
Kota Bharu,Kelantan
New Member (03)
Mister Micawber  #171261  Sun, 18 Dec 05 11:47 AM


Hi, Kumi-- welcome to English Forums.  Here are a few notes:

No it in the first sentence
Everybody has
always capitalize the pronoun I
less than for one
I would change all the woulds (those used for dreams) to would like to
on my own time and at my own pace have essentially the same meaning
the time would be well spent
give not gibe
help them succeed, not help bring them to the fore
what are genuine people?  rephrase or explain this
I would have to make sure
Simple:
would come to naught
accomplished

  
Top 10 Contributor
Joined on Wed, Aug 4 2004
Yokohama
Veteran Member (22,604)
SystemAdministratorTeachers
'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master-- that's all.'
AddThis Feed Button RSS Feed: ESL Essay, Writing World
© 2008 MediaCET Ltd.
Terms and Conditions & Terms of Service