I am preparing for IELTS General Training Exam next week; please check my grammar on this passage and advice. Thank you.

People should be allowed to continue to work as long as they want to , and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65. 

 Do you agree or disagree?.  (Give reasons for answer include relevant example from your experience) . 

Nowadays, the employment system takes a different features due to the rules applied by the county, I agree with the say that the manpower authority should seek to systemize the aspect of manpower replacement, which have to be relevant to the local market's need.

In the developing countries, in my opinion, governments are encouraged to fix a particular age for people to get retired, such as 60 or 65. That is to give a chance to the new generation to play their role and take part in the society growth. On the otherhand  the manpower sector can perfectly get the work done in a modern and more technological methods , That is in case of depending on  people who are recently graduated -have their own educational mentalities and  hard work abilities- more than those who are staying at the same work for the said long of age.

As mentioned before, retirement system  is still taking  place especially in the poorer countries, where governments neither have the proper means to encourage people for competitive work , nor to support new generation to efficiently handle small projects or activities. It is understood, that those manpower authorities are responsible to keep seats free for new generation's  work  through applying such system. For example as it was known in our city , few years back ,as it was the government obligation to recall the recent graduated people to receive their jobs in the different ministries and public sector's companies, on annual base, and that was against  retirement of the older manpower who have worked  for a long of time fixed by the authority as a retirement age.

Elsewhere, in the developed countries we notice that the strong Economy cause a very high competition in the work market, and everyone can works for the long of time he decides as long as he is able to achieve his work perfectly.  That matter is left to be agreed between the worker and his employer and should be in the light of the earlier competitive and experienced works have being produced. In some how people argue that the developing countries have not to fix a retirement age especially in the jobs being paid by the country, In my point of view, I recommend that if someone                 to be employed by the governmental sector and get paid by the county for work could be done by the majority should go under the retirement system, for a chance to be given to the same category of new generation people desire the same way of employment. On the other side, the employment authority has the right to maintain the certain experienced categories as per the work need.

Finally, as it is preferred in the strong economic societies, people should be allowed to work as long as they want to, either if they work in governmental or private sector, it will just be controlled / considered throughout the person's ability and professional. But in the weak economic societies where no competitive of work environment ,  I guess that people should be equally dealt with such system as per retirement age fixed by the manpower sector in order to replace the new generation in turn.