please, check my letter

here I sent a letter of motivation, please somebody check it, i will thank you a lot

 Dear Academic Committee on Admissions Members,

           During five years I studied Environmental Sciences and Ecodevelopment at ***.  The emphasis of my studies was on understanding the interactions between people and environment and finding alternatives to conserve the natural resources. 

For me, studying at *** will be an exciting and challenging experience, I am particularly attracted to this programme because my country has a very high biodiversity, actually it presents an increasingly loss due the human activities; I am sure that with this master I will be able to contribute with the local and global efforts in solving this matter.

As part of my studies, I have been involved in various projects and activities about conservation, these allowed me to apply the theoretical skills in a real field work, now I feel that I have relevant skills and experiences to carry out this MSc. programme.

To further my career aspirations of improving the conservation efforts of my country, I want to obtain a Master's Degree in ***. This knowledge will allow me to better understand management principles. I believe that natural resources management must have a solid understanding, supported by a strong academic foundation, of how to fit conservation and development.

Yours sincerely,

My name 

hello,

thank you very much for your suggestions, I have considered them , I just have added something at the begining, I think it fit better with the letter requirements in my brochure of the university, anyway, I am sending it again; could you check it please?; thank you very  much again

Horace

Dear Academic Committee on Admissions Members,

            I studied Environmental Sciences and Ecodevelopment at the *** for five years.  My studies were focused on natural resources management, biodiversity conservation and people participation; this provoked my strong interest in applying for the *** MSc. Programme. (I added this)

            For me, studying at *** will be an exciting and challenging experience. I am particularly attracted to this programme because my country has very high biodiversity. Actually, it faces an increasing threat of environmental damage due to human activities. I am sure that with this master I will be able to contribute to local and global efforts in solving this problem.

            As part of my studies, I have been involved in various projects and activities involving conservation. These allowed me to apply my theoretical skills in real field work. Now I feel that I have relevant skills and experiences to complete this MSc. programme.

            To further my career aspirations of improving the conservation efforts of my country, I want to obtain a Master's Degree in ***. This knowledge will allow me to better understand management principles. I believe that natural resources management must have a practical understanding, supported by a strong academic foundation, in order to balance conservation and development.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response. (I also added this)

Yours sincerely,

Horace X-X