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Nancy1982

#245429 Fri, 14 Jul 06 03:45 AM

Hi, I need your help.

I'm writing an welcoming letter to potential businesses for a little City. I understand it's a long essay. But please, please help me with word choice, grammar, and how to make this letter more attractive. I very appreciate for those who help me.

City of Ha Lan is a great to live and a better place to work. We are not only here for the people; we are here for the businesses as well. Ha Lan is an affluent community and located thirty minutes away from downtown Long Bay, and Long Bay airport. The City has experienced drastic changes of the last several years. As of Summer 2006, we have a population of over 13,000, approximately 500 acre of vacant property and developable land, and well over 550 businesses in Ha Lan.

We offer the most effective business incentive programs such as tax abatement and recently engaged the Banston Company of Rang Ren, An Giang to undertake an assessment of three sites within the City for retail recruitment efforts. The City is also undertaking aggressive infrastructure improvements and pursuing major development project called the Town Center Initiatives to improve downtown Ha Lan. Ha Lan is also located next to the major railroad track that transports many different commodities each day. There are approximately 30,000 people pass by the City on their way to work or even pass by to go to the neighboring City to shop. We are committed to stop this from happening.

The City had declared the Lan Road Business Park Area, Business Incentive Zone. This will connect them directly to historic downtown Ha Lan. Several developing projects are under construction throughout the City. There are many people complain about stopping for the train to pass by, so the City decided to build a bridge over the railroad so that they do not have to wait for the train to pass by. Ha Lan Commons is under construction that designated for mixed use. All of these are less than a minute walk to the City downtown with variety of shops.

We have enclosed some of the information of Ha Lan and community development projects for you to look and consider Ha Lan your next investment destination.

If you need additional information, or have any question please do not hesitate to contact the office of community development at 145-875-4678.

Nancy1982

Joined on Wed, May 17 2006

Vietnam

Full Member (134)

Would like to improve my writing

Grammar, Essays, Constructions

Likeguslee

#245503 Fri, 14 Jul 06 09:28 AM

The City of Halan is truly a wonderful and great place for people to live and work. We, as representatives of the City government, (you should define “we” first) are committed to serving the needs of its residents and businesses. Ha Lan is an affluent community located about thirty minutes away by car (train, bus etc.) from downtown Long Bay, and Long Bay airport. The City has experienced drastic changes in the last few years. Its population has tripled to over 13,000 people as of summer 2006. (There are not that many people to use the term “drastic changes” unless you explain why, such as the tripling of the population as an example). In Ha Lan, there are well over 550 businesses and approximately 500 acres of vacant commercial (or residential) property and land available for development.

We offer one of the most effective business incentive programs such as tax abatement and we recently engaged the Banston Company of Rang Ren, An Giang to undertake an assessment of three sites within the City for retail business recruitment efforts. The City is also carrying out aggressive infrastructure improvements and pursuing a major development project called the Town Center Initiatives to improve Ha Lan downtown. Ha Lan is also located next to a major railroad track that supports the transportation of many different commodities each day. There are approximately 30,000 people passing by the City on their way to work or just passing by to go to a neighboring city for shopping. We resolved to stop this from happening.

The City has declared the Lan Road Business Park Area, a Business Incentive Zone. This zone will connect the Park Area (you need to define them here) directly to historic downtown Ha Lan. Several developing projects are under construction throughout the City. To address the complaints of many people about having to stop for the train to pass by, the City decided to build a bridge overpass above the railroad track to provide pedestrians with a safe crossing. Ha Lan Commons, a project under construction, has been designated for mixed use. These projects are less than a minute walk to the City downtown graced with a variety of shops.

We have enclosed some information about Ha Lan and its community development projects for you to review and consider Ha Lan as your next investment.

Likeguslee

Joined on Mon, Jun 5 2006

USA

Full Member (330)

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