Please help edit this letter...

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Anonymous

#329358 Wed, 14 Feb 07 06:34 PM

Hi everybody. Basically I live in a community where only 20% of the homes can be rented. Currently, that 20% max has been reached. I am writing a letter to the Board of Directors in my community to allow an exception for me to rent my home. I wanted to make sure this letter came off very personable, professional, smooth, and grammatically correct.

Foxford Board of Directors,

I have been a residence of Foxford since 2001. I recently married six months ago and my wife and I are looking to move into a bigger home to start a family. My wife and I do not want to sell our home and would like to rent it out instead. We are currently number two on the waiting list to rent, but due to the timing we are unable to wait. Our main reason in keeping our home is my parents will be retiring in 2-3 years and have expressed interest in buying our home. Therefore, we would like to hold the property for them so they can live closer to us. We would also like to note if we are approved to rent, we will use a Property Manager to ensure the property will be well managed and the tenant well qualified. In conclusion, we would greatly appreciate the Board's approval to rent our property.

Sincerely,
Me

Thanks all for your help,
Phil

Anonymous

Numbers

Grammar Geek

#329448 Wed, 14 Feb 07 10:55 PM

Hi Phil,

This would be fine as-is, but I have some suggestions (which you shoud feel free to ignore Smile [:)] )

It's sometimes helpful to start of right away with what you want.

I'm writing to request an exception to the policy on the number of homes in Foxford that can be rented. I have been a resident here since 2001.

I think that "recently married" and "six months ago" are redundant, but not to an appalling level.

I would put the part about your parents right after "My wife and I do not want to sell our home because my parents are retiring in two to three years and have ...our home. Therefore, we would like to hold the property for them so they can live closer to us, and rent it out in the meantime. (You can then delete the part about "do not want to sell our home.")

Congratulations on your marriage, and good luck with the house.