Please help me

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Phuongdtda  #295080  Sun, 19 Nov 06 10:08 AM
Hi everybody
My name is Phuong and I am a new member. Here is my motivation letter for applying to an master program in Holland. I know that here members are experts in English, so please help me to check and correct my letter.
Thanks you very much
Phuong

(address removed by mod: it is extremely unwise to put your personal details on a public forum)                                                                                                       

To :   Admissions Office MSc Programmes
         Rotterdam School of Management

       

Dear Sir/Madam

With this letter, I would like to apply for the Master of Science General Management programme of Rotterdam School of Management. 
On the strength of my performance in the University Entrance Examination, in the top 0.5% of over 200,000 examinees in Ho Chi Minh City, I was admitted in 1999 into the University of Economics Ho Chi Minh City, one of the best universities in Vietnam. In this university, I was exposed to large quantities of modern economics knowledge about monetary & banking, international finance, corporate finance and project finance. I cherished this chance greatly and worked very hard. As a result, I achieved a good academic record during my undergraduate study, ranking top 5% in my class, and won a scholarship from Vietnam Scholarship Programme for studying in The Netherlands in 2007.
 
After graduation, I have worked at Ho Chi Minh City Branch of Bank for Foreign Trade of Vietnam (Vietcombank), the biggest commercial bank in Vietnam. I have worked at Project Finance Department as a creditor whose major work is to give long-term loans to customers. This job requires me to make many financial decisions base on customers’ finance statement and their investment project. In order to give a properly decision, I have had exciting interviews with a chief accounting of a big textile company about financial statement, questioned an cable television engineer to clarify his feasibility study and negotiated with a financial manager and lawyers of a real estate company about credit agreement, as well as cooperated with other bank’s creditor to draft syndicated agreement. I also have gained quite a lot of experience for working from talented managers, experiential seniors and creative co-workers in my department. 

These experience and many training courses further deepened and strengthen my understanding and evoked my strong interest in such theoretical and practical issues as corporate finance, risk management, project finance, financial derivatives and international bank management, etc. Therefore, I want to learn more about finance and investment and I think Master of Science General Management programme of Rotterdam School of Management is the best programme that I can choose, because of the following reasons:

<!--[if !supportLists]-->-    <!--[endif]-->Firstly, your school is very prestigious for its business research, with a broad range of concentrations, a long list of talented programmes, a huge amount of advanced facilities and a top rank in business schools in the world.

<!--[if !supportLists]--> -  <!--[endif]-->Secondly, the variety of your programmes makes your school a pleasant and inspiring place to be trained. The curriculum of your master programmes such as MsBA/MBA programmes are very interesting to me. I deem these programmes my desirable course to pursue a master degree.

<!--[if !supportLists]--><!--[endif]-->         -     Thirdly, although I have experience in finance and investment, I think MSc General                 Management programme is suitable for me. Because the topics in the Foundation                 & Intergration Year not only integrate my undergraduate knowledge but also show                 me different academic points of view. And in the Concentration Year, I will have                     an opportunity to study my favorite subject “Finance & Investment” and to join                     extra-curricular activities such as International Business Project and Financial                         Executives. They are so attractive and useful.

<!--[if !supportLists]--> -    <!--[endif]-->Lastly, I well understand the great pressure and challenges that will be presented to me when studying in such a distinguished programme as yours. But why I would like to choose a path rampant with thickets? Because I cherish the ambition to become a first-class finance specialist, with my learned expertise to investigate numerous complex issues in finance. And your programme will help me to achieve it.

I understand that your programmes are highly competitive. However, I do want to take the challenge seriously and hope you accept my application. If I am admitted, I will be very proud of being a member of your community: Besides, I would like, if possible, to contribute my intelligence to the variety and competitiveness of your school.

Thank you very much for your time and considering my request. I am looking forward to your reply.

Respectfully yours,

Nguyen Hoai Phuong
  
Not Ranked
Joined on Sun, Nov 19 2006
New Member (02)
Widget  #296504  Thu, 23 Nov 06 02:56 AM

I would like to apply for the Master of Science General Management programme at Rotterdam School of Management. 
On the strength of my performance in the University Entrance Examination (my grades were in the top 0.5% of over 200,000 examinees in Ho Chi Minh City), I was admitted in 1999 into the University of Economics, Ho Chi Minh City; one of the best universities in Vietnam. In this university I learned a vast amount about modern economics, including monetary & banking [processes], international finance, corporate finance and project finance. I was extremely grateful for this wonderful opportunity, and worked very hard. As a result, I achieved a good academic record during my undergraduate study, ranking in the top 5% in my class; and I won a scholarship from Vietnam Scholarship Programme for studying in The Netherlands in 2007.
 
After graduation, I was employed by the Ho Chi Minh City Branch of the Bank for Foreign Trade of Vietnam (Vietcombank), the biggest commercial bank in Vietnam. I have worked in the Project Finance Department as a credit controller, where my main duties involve assisting customers with their long-term loan requirements. This job requires me to make many financial decisions based on customers’ finance statements and their investment projections. To ensure that I made the right financial decisions, I have interviewed the chief accountant of a big textile company about the company's financial statement, questioned a cable television engineer to clarify aspects of his feasibility study and negotiated with a financial manager and lawyers of a real estate company about credit agreements, as well as cooperated with another bank’s credit controller to draft a syndicated agreement. I also have gained quite a lot of experience from working with talented managers, experienced seniors and creative co-workers in my department. 

These experiences and many training courses further deepened and strengthened my understanding of, and interest in, such theoretical and practical issues as corporate finance, risk management, project finance, financial derivatives and international bank management, etc. Therefore, I want to learn more about finance and investment; and I think the Master of Science General Management programme of Rotterdam School of Management is the best programme that I can choose, because of the following reasons:

<!--[if !supportLists]-->-    <!--[endif]-->Firstly, your school is very well-known for its business research, with a broad range of concentrations, a long list of excellent programmes, a huge amount of advanced facilities and a top rank among business schools in the world.

<!--[if !supportLists]--> -  <!--[endif]-->Secondly, I feel that the variety of programmes on offer will make your school a pleasant and inspiring place to be trained. The curriculum of your master programmes such as MsBA/MBA programmes are very interesting to me. I consider that these programmes will set me on a desirable course to pursue a master degree.

<!--[if !supportLists]--><!--[endif]-->         -     Thirdly, although I have experience in finance and investment, I think MSc General                 Management programme is suitable for me, because the topics in the Foundation                 & Intergration Year will not only integrate my undergraduate knowledge but also show                 me different academic points of view. And in the Concentration Year, I will have                     an opportunity to study my favorite subject “Finance & Investment”; and to join extra-curricular activities such as International Business Projects and Financial Executives [is there a word missing here?], which I will find very interesting and useful.

<!--[if !supportLists]--> -    <!--[endif]-->Lastly, I well understand the great pressure and challenges that will be presented to me when studying in such a distinguished programme as yours. But why would I choose a path rampant with thickets? Because I have a cherished ambition to become a first-class finance specialist, using my knowledge and expertise to investigate numerous complex issues in finance. And your programme will help me to achieve this.

I understand that your programmes are highly competitive. However, I do want to take the challenge seriously and hope you accept my application. If I am admitted, I will be very proud of being a member, and making a positive contribution to the diversity and competitiveness of your school.

Thank you very much for your time, and for considering my request. I am looking forward to your reply.

  
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Joined on Tue, Nov 7 2006
New Zealand
Junior Member (71)
Phuongdtda  #296995  Fri, 24 Nov 06 06:27 AM
    Thanks a lot
  
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