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Latest post Sun, Nov 23 2008 1:05 PM by Thomas Tompion. 1 replies.
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xox esme xox  +  589789 Thu, 20 Nov 08 10:09 AM
Hey everyone,
i was just wondering if you could cheak this essay for me please. It's a creative writting essay about a scary experience.

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One of my scariest experiences happened when I was babysitting. It was the first time I had ever babysat Coco. I think she was about two, all dressed in clothes from Pumpkin Patch. She also had these big blue eyes and platinum blond, curly hair. She was honestly one of the most adorable two year olds I had ever met.

 

The weather was awful, really cold and windy. It was just getting dark as I walked up the drive to their house. The house was kind of old and a bit shabby with decrepit trees scattered round it. I was kind of scared as I knocked on the front door. I had never met Coco and I had only met Anna (Coco’s mum) once. I heard coco’s little feet patter down the stairs, followed by her mothers and i knew that I was just being silly. Coco would be fine.

 

She was, we did giant alphabet floor puzzles, played train and read story books. It was only really after I had put her to bed that I started to get scared. I could here this banging in one of the down stairs rooms. Just a tiny tap to start with, you know just like “tap…tap tap tap….tap tap” but then it started to get louder and louder. I just sat on the couch, hugged my knees and turned the T.V up a bit.

 

I could still hear it. What if it was someone who was coming to break in or kill me or something like that? What if someone had followed me and I just hadn’t realized? What if someone else was in the room with me and he was hiding behind one of the frayed brown sofas, just getting ready to pounce on me?

 

About 5 minutes later I convinced myself to go down stairs and see what it was. Cautiously I tip toed down the stairs. I got about half way down before I sprinted back up. I told myself to stop being so stupid and just go down so once again I tiptoed down the stairs.

 

There wasn’t really anything in the room. Just a few boxes and some tins of paint. I was just staring to feel like it was my imagination when suddenly I heard a loud “tap tap” coming from behind me. I span round, expecting to see some skin head holding a massive dagger or something like that.

 

Instead I saw a tree planted a little too close to the window!

 

I just thought it would be a good idea to run it through you guys. sorry if i posted this in the wrong section but i had no idea which one too choose.

Thanks.
    Esme
      x0x0x0x
Joined on Thu, Nov 20 2008
New Member 01
Thomas Tompion  +  591767 Sun, 23 Nov 08 01:05 PM

One of my scariest experiences happened when I was babysitting. It was the first time I had ever babysat Coco. I think she was about two, all dressed in clothes from Pumpkin Patch. She also had these big blue eyes and platinum blond, curly hair. She was honestly one of the most adorable two-year-olds I had ever met.

The weather was awful, really cold and windy. It was just getting dark as I walked up the drive to their house. The house was kind of old and a bit shabby with decrepit trees scattered round it. I was kind of scared as I knocked on the front door. I had never met Coco and I had only met Anna (Coco’s mum) once. I heard Coco’s little feet patter down the stairs, followed by her mother's, and I knew that I was just being silly; Coco would be fine.

She was, we did giant-alphabet floor-puzzles, played train and read story books. It was only really after I had put her to bed that I started to get scared. I could here this banging in one of the down stairs rooms. Just a tiny tap to start withyou know, just like “tap…tap tap tap….tap tap”, but then it started to get louder and louder. I just sat on the couch, hugged my knees and turned the TV up a bit.

I could still hear it. What if it was someone who was coming to break in or kill me or something like that? What if someone had followed me and I just hadn’t realized? What if someone else was in the room with me and he was hiding behind one of the frayed brown sofas, just getting ready to pounce on me?

About 5 minutes later I convinced myself to go down stairs and see what it was. Cautiously I tiptoed down the stairs. I got about half way down before I sprinted back up. I then told myself to stop being so stupid and just go down, so once again I tiptoed down the stairs.

There wasn’t really anything in the room: just a few boxes and some tins of paint. I was just starting to feel like it was my imagination when suddenly I heard a loud “tap tap” coming from behind me. I spun round, expecting to see some skinhead holding a massive dagger or something like that.

 

Instead I saw a tree planted a little too close to the window.

Just a few suggestions, Esme.  I enjoyed your story (I wouldn't call it an essay); you tell it very well.

TT 

Joined on Thu, Nov 20 2008
Full Member 120
Thomas Tompion
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