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Please, help on my letter!!

ESL Writing » Formal, General & Business Letter...

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Latest post Tue, Apr 24 2007 11:18 AM by Anonymous. 2 replies.
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Anonymous  +  354719 Mon, 23 Apr 07 10:22 PM

 

Below is my answer to a job offer, I would like to say that this opportunity is really interesting and unfortunately I cant due to my studies and I would like to keep in touch for future opportunity. I like to make it more formal if it is not (if there is some some words to change). 

 

Would you please, any one, who can help me improving the text, corrrecting any wrong sentences... 

          

                                    =========================       

 

 

Dear Stephane,

 

I would like to thank you for this exiting job opportunity, however, I would like to let you know that I am from France; I came to London almost six months ago in order to improve my English language skills, and I thought it would be very useful for my career to take an MBA program after finishing my English course.  I am attending an English course now and have already enrolled in an MBA degree program from the beginning of June 2007.

 

I don't consider myself expert, but I have a quite important experience with Artemi and MS Project 2003 prof. In addition to that, my degree final-project was about project scheduling (Theory and practice), and I was exploring almost all of the formulas used in Artemi software in order to find an alternative to an Excel-based project progress tracking method to help on switching to Artemi for my second employer for nearly one year. During that time I was frequently in contact with Artemi Systems Inc. Costumer Services asking for technical help on using the software and its limitations (attached a copy of an answer to one my requests). I used almost the time a combination (Excel, Artemi or MS Project) to fulfill my duties as a project planning engineer.      

 

I would very much like to keep in contact with you for future opportunity, and I would be very pleased to supply you with any further information you may need.  I have attached my CV for your consideration.

Thank you very much for contacting me.

 

Sincerely yours,

 

                                    =========================       

 

This the e-mail I received:

 

 

Dear Makhlouffe,

Enhance your career into a highly paid Project Management Job.
Are you an Artemi or MS Project Expert?
We need Experts in Artemi or MS Project for our Consultancy division. Email Exp@yahoo.ru for discussion & appointment.

We are Project Management Professionals & Project Management Consultants. We are also training in Artemi, MS Project for project planning, controlling, and management for civil, electrical, mechanical, instrumentation, software development, IT projects, Process Engineering, Production Engineering and manufacturing". We are also conducting PMM examination preparation course.


Regards
Anonymous
, ,
Grammar Geek  +  354787 Tue, 24 Apr 07 02:09 AM

Hi Makhlouffe,

I'm afraid that you did not receive a sincere job offer, but rather an advertisement, so you don't need to be very formal or provide them with much information about you personally. If you really thought it was a good opportunity, then you can simply e-mail that address and ask for more information. They should be able to, at the very least, give you a Web site to review. If it looks legitimate, like it is a real company, it will have a section on jobs. I believe they are looking for people who will pay THEM to take classes, not people they will PAY.
Grammar Geek
Joined on Tue, Jan 10 2006
Veteran Member 19,683
Barbara, who answers in American English. My housekeeping skills attest to the truth of the second law of thermodynamics: Left to themselves, things get more and more random!
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Anonymous, 2 yr 217 days ago

Grammar, thank you very much for the advice, I agree with you. I have had loads of job offers, the majority were either advertisements, commission-based or swindle (they ask for personal details like my bank acount, personal signature... before an appointment), however I had some little serious job offers so I probably need to have model answer (Letter) it also helps me to improve my writing in a business context. (as my C.V. is in a web-site I  expect to get another job-offers in the future).

That very kind of you

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