Please Help to review my writing for IELTS Preparation

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Hi Everyone,

I will have an ielts test on the mid of 2009. I need your kindness and help to review my English writing. since English is not my first language in my country. I keen to learn how I can write a proper English. your kindness and help would be great appreciated.

Regards,

There
The following is my sample letter about "Unable to attend a course" and "Bad meal in a restaurant"

Unable to attend a course
You are employed fulltime and also doing a part time evening course. You are not able to continue the course.
Write a letter to the course lecturer. In the letter
  • explain why you cannot continue the course
  • describe the situation
  • say what you will be doing
Write at least 150 words.
You do NOT need to write your own address.

Dear Course Lecturer,

My name is Maw. I am a graduate student at ABCDE University (Student ID : 8378348). I am writing to inform that I will not continue the course next term for several reasons below. Currently I am employed fulltime at ABC audit firm. My current job requires me to travel overseas a lot. Furthermore, I also need to work overtime in order to achieve the target within deadline. I certainly do not have much time to do a part time evening course at the university. Although I would like to attain my MBA degree by next year, I could not commit to the hours it requires me to invest due to my current situation at work now. Thus, I decided to hold my course at the university for now. I will re-apply again after 6 months looking into how well I am coping with my current work then. Your understanding and support would be greatly appreciated.

Yours Sincerely,

Ms.Maw

===
Bad meal in a restaurant
You took your family to a nearby restaurant. You were disappointed with the meal and wish to complain to the manager.
Write a letter to the manager of the restaurant. In the letter
  • explain why you were at the restaurant
  • describe the problems
  • write about the action you want the manager to take
Write at least 150 words.
You do NOT need to write your own address.

Dear Pizza Hut Customer Service Manager,

I am writing to complain about the quality of food taste. A few weeks ago, I ordered two pans super supreme pizza for delivery to my home. The taste was very delicious because the pizza contains a barbeque beef and cheese. Last week, my wife and me went down to the pizza hut restaurant, we ordered the same type of pizza as we ordered last time. However the taste was very bad because the pizza did not contain any barbeque beef. There was lot of vegetables and fruits on the pizza. The taste was not as we expected, despite the pizza has an identical name for dine in and delivery order. The name is “Super Supreme”. I approached your customer service to ask about that matter. She mentioned that there is a different class of super supreme pizza between for dine in and delivery order. You supposed to give a clear information that there are two different super supreme pizza for dine in and delivery order in your menu list Definitely, Customer is not to be confused. I am looking forward to your response and explanation about.

Your Faithfully,

Ms. Maw
New Member19
It is a well written letter. I have made some suggestions for you.
wijaya.theresiaDear Course Lecturer,

My name is Maw. I am a graduate student at ABCDE University (Student ID : 8378348). I am writing to inform (please insert missing object) that I will not continue the course next term for several reasons (stated or listed) below. Currently I am employed fulltime at the ABC audit firm. My current job requires me to travel overseas a lot. Furthermore, I also need to work overtime in order to achieve the target within deadline. I certainly do not have much time to do a part time evening course at the university. Although I would like to attain my MBA degree by next year, I can could not commit to the hours it requires me to invest ( better: hours required to do the course work) due to my current situation at work now. Thus, I decided to (suspend or drop out of ) hold my course at the university for now. I will re-apply again after 6 months after looking into how well I am coping with my current work then. Your understanding and support would be greatly appreciated.

Yours Sincerely,

Ms.Maw

wijaya.theresiaDear Pizza Hut Customer Service Manager,

I am writing to complain about the quality of food taste (say either the taste or the quality of the food.). A few weeks ago, I ordered two pans of super supreme pizza for delivery to my home. The taste was very delicious (better: it tasted very delicious) because the pizza contained a barbeque beef and cheese. Last week, when my wife and me I went down to the Pizza Hut restaurant, we ordered the same type of pizza as we ordered last time. However the taste was very bad (better: it tasted very bad) because the pizza did not contain any barbeque beef. There were was lot of vegetables and fruits on the pizza. The taste was not as we expected, despite the fact that the pizza had an identical names for both dine in and delivery order. The name is “Super Supreme”. I approached your customer service to ask about that matter. She mentioned that there is a different class of the super supreme pizza between for dine in is different from the one for and delivery order. You are supposed to give a clear information that there are two different super supreme pizzas: one for dine in and another for delivery order in on your menu. list Definitely,the customer shouldis not to be confused. I am looking forward to your response and explanation about.
Veteran Member22,744
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Hi AlpheccaStars

Thanks a lot for your feedback. I really appreciated it Emotion: smile

Regards,

Theresia
Hi AlphecaStars,

Thank you very much for your kindness and help to review my writing. Would you please help to review two more letter about are about "Bad service at a shop" and "Homestay in a New Zealand family" ? Your kindness and assistance would be greatly appreciated:)
Regards,
Theresia
Bad service at a shop
You recently had your computer fixed at the local computer store however you are not pleased with the service you received.
Write a letter to the store manager. In the letter
o describe the situation
o explain why you are dissatisfied
o say what you want the manager to do
Write at least 150 words.
You do NOT need to write your own address.
-------------------------
Dear Shop Manager,

I recently had a computer fixed at your store. However, I am`really disappointed with the service quality I received`from your employee.`I brought my PC to your store`last Sunday. I was helped by your junior technical employee, Mr. James. I explained`to him that my PC would always hang after several minutes`I turned it on. He promised to me to fix the problem that`day. I came back to your store in that Sunday afternoon. However, he had not finished it yet because the computer memory was spoiled. In addition, he did not have any memory stock at the time to replace. He promised that I would be able to collect it on last Monday. On last`monday afternoon, I went down to collect it. Nevertheless, the computer was not ready to be collected. Mr. James mentioned to me that he needs a few more days because the processor was spoilt as well. I am not satisfied with the way he addressed my computer’s problem. He did not give me detailed information about the problem with my PC. I had to go there several times and each time he would say different problem and need more time to fix it. I need my computer for my business. As of today, my PC is not ready yet. I am expecting the highest service quality from your store as you promised in the advertisement ‘One Day Ready’. Therefore, I would like to you to compensate me with borrowed computer for me to use while waiting for my computer to be fixed. This time I would like to have your senior technical engineer to handle my case.

I certainly look forward hearing a response from you soon.

Yours Faithfully,

Mr. Jack

==
Homestay in a New Zealand family
You are going to visit New Zealand for an 'English and Homestay' program. You have just received details of your homestay host family.
Write your first letter to the family. In your letter
o introduce yourself
o ask the family some questions to get information that is important to you
o tell the family about your arrival date and time.

Dear Mr. Joshua

I am writing to inquire about the “English and home stay program”. First of all, I would like to introduce about myself generally. My name is Ms.Maw, I come from Myanmar. I will have a homestay program for three months in new Zealand. I saw the advertisement of your homestay host family. I would like to get the detail information about it. Firstly, I need to know about the cost for three months home stay at your house. What is included on that cost?. Secondly, I would like to check whether the location of your house is close to train station. I am looking the house that is close to the train station because it will be easier for me to go to the city. Thirdly, what are the restriction and the rule during the home stay program at your house? Finally, regardless the payment method shall I have to make a full payment in advance or just paid several amount of hundred dollars for a secure deposit ?. I look forward to hearing from you soon because I will be arriving at new Zealand on Sunday morning,7th June 2009. You can just drop me the email about those kinds of information.

Yours Sincerely,

Ms.Maw
wijaya.theresiaThank you very much for your kindness and help to review my writing. Would you please help to review two more letters about...
wijaya.theresiaI recently had a computer fixed at your store. However, I am`really disappointed with the service quality I received`from your employee.`I brought my PC to your store`last Sunday. I was helped by your junior technical employee, Mr. James. I explained`to him that my PC would always hang after several minutes after `I turned it on. He promised to me (either "he promised me that he would fix.. " or "he promised to fix...". "me to fix" confuses "me" as a subject of the infinitive "to fix") to fix the problem that`day. I came back to your store in that Sunday afternoon. However, he had not finished it yet because the computer memory was spoiled ( usually we use "spoil" with food. For technical things, we say "faulty" or "defective", or "not working correctly"). In addition, he did not have any memory in stock at the time to replace (insert a direct object). He promised that I would be able to collect it on last Monday. On last`Monday afternoon, I went down to collect it (collect. is British English. Americans would say " to pick it up") Nevertheless, the computer was not ready to be collected. Mr. James mentioned to me that he needed a few more days because the processor was spoilt as well. I am not satisfied with the way he addressed my computer’s problem. He did not give me detailed information about the problem with my PC. I had to go there several times and each time he would say that there was a different problem and he needed more time to fix it. I need my computer for my business. As of today, my PC is not ready yet. I am expecting the highest service quality from your store as you promised in the advertisement ‘One Day Ready’. Therefore, I would like to you to compensate me with a borrowed computer for me to use while waiting for my computer to be fixed. This time I would like to have your senior technical engineer to handle my case.
Other comments: quality of service, not service quality
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wijaya.theresiaI am writing to inquire about the “English and home stay program”. First of all, I would like to introduce about myself (introduce is a verb that takes a direct object, not a prepositional phrase) generally. My name is Ms.Maw, (use a colon if you do not use a conjunction) I come from Myanmar. I will have a homestay program for three months in New Zealand. I saw the advertisement of your homestay host family. I would like to get the detailed information about it. Firstly, I need to know about the cost for three months of the home stay at your house. What is included in that cost?. Secondly, I would like to check whether the location of your house is close to train station. I am looking for a the house that is close to the train station because it will be easier for me to go to the city. Thirdly, what are the restrictions and the rules during the home stay program at your house? Finally, regarding regardless the payment method, will shall I have to make a full payment in advance or just pay paid several amount of hundred dollars for a security deposit first, and the rest later ?. I look forward to hearing from you soon because I will be arriving in New Zealand on Sunday morning,7th June 2009. You can just drop me an the email about those kinds of with the information that I have requested.
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Hi AlphecaStars,

Thank you very much for your kindness and help to review my writing. Would you please help to review two more letter about are about "Apologizing for the noise: ?
Your kindness and assistance would be greatly appreciated:)
Regards,
Theresia

· Apologizing for the noise
Your neighbours have recently written to you to complain about the noise from your houseflat. Write a letter to your neighbours. In your letter

o explain the reasons for the noise

o apologise

o describe what action you will take

Dear my beloved neighbors,

I would like to apologize about the noise from my houseflat. I have cell group meeting every Friday evening start from 07.00PM to 09.00PM. There are praise and worship which is using guitar during a cell group meeting. We always have fellowship time at the end of the session in order to let each member know each other. Certainly, that kinds of activities would made clunk in my house flat. I really understand you are not comfortable. We will have a discussion with the entire member that the cell group meeting venue would be rotated at member’s house. That means that we will have the cell group meeting at my house every bimonthly. Once again I would like to apologize for the noisy in our house and any inconvenience this may have caused you.

Sincerely,

Ms.Maw
Hi AlphecaStars,

Thank you very much for your kindness and help to review my writing. Would you please help to review two more letter about are about "Apologizing for the noise: ?
Your kindness and assistance would be greatly appreciated:)
Regards,
Theresia

· Apologizing for the noise
Your neighbours have recently written to you to complain about the noise from your houseflat. Write a letter to your neighbours. In your letter

o explain the reasons for the noise

o apologise

o describe what action you will take

Dear my beloved neighbors,

I would like to apologize about the noise from my houseflat. I have cell group meeting every Friday evening start from 07.00PM to 09.00PM. There are praise and worship which is using guitar during a cell group meeting. We always have fellowship time at the end of the session in order to let each member know each other. Certainly, that kinds of activities would made clunk in my house flat. I really understand you are not comfortable. We will have a discussion with the entire member that the cell group meeting venue would be rotated at member’s house. That means that we will have the cell group meeting at my house every bimonthly. Once again I would like to apologize for the noisy in our house and any inconvenience this may have caused you.

Sincerely,

Ms.Maw
wijaya.theresiaDear my beloved neighbors, (The English is OK, but it is an overly fawning salutation; beloved is rather intimate, for a lover or very close family member)

I would like to apologize for about the noise coming from my houseflat (either house or apartment or flat, there is no such word as houseflat). I have cell group meeting every Friday evening start from 07.00PM to 09.00PM. There are praise and worship services and we which is use a guitar during the a cell group meeting. We always have fellowship time at the end of the session in order to let each member know each other (better: in order to have some time for members to get to know each other). Certainly, these that kinds of activities would make made noise clunk in my house flat. I really understand you are not comfortable. We will have a discussion and I will propose that with the entire member that the cell group meeting venue would be rotated to another at member’s house. That means that we will have the cell group meeting at my house every bimonthly. Once again I would like to apologize for the noise in our house and any inconvenience this may have caused you.
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