Please upgrade this

   Once you enter the premises, you will see desks with a piece of paper that has a capital letter written on it. You are to find the letter that corresponds to the first letter of your last name and check in. After you have signed your name and the person at the desk have confirmed your payment of the registration fee, you will be given a name tag and will be told where to go next. You will see plenty of refleshments on various locations and people with 'Ask Me' badges all over the place to get help.

   There will be workshops for four-time slots and each time slot is for fifty minutes. Each workshop will be followed by a ten-minute break. There will be three concurrent workshops for each time slot for you to choose from and the total number workshops for the day will be twelve. I have attached the schefule of all workshop. Please take a look and take it wiith you at the day of the event.

   We have made our best effort to make this our best event ever and are sure that you will impressed with the quality  line-up of the  presentators sheduled. We hope you will have a great time attending and go home with a goodyful of knowledge and a big smile on your face knowing you have gotten everything you need. (Do you really need this last sentence?)

   We hope to see you there and don't forget to say 'hi' if you see us. We are the people with blue badges with the word 'staff' written on them.  

Comments:

1. ‘desks with a piece of paper’ - a piece of paper for all desks?
2.  have signed / have confirmed – present perfect?
3. you will be given a name tag and will be told where to go next – why passive voice? two ‘will be’? ’name tag’ should be one word.
4. You will see plenty of refleshments on various locations and people with 'Ask Me' badges all over the place to get help – ‘on various locations’ (stands?)  / is ‘all over the place’ necessary? I suggest that you break the sentence into two parts.
5. four-time slots - four time-slots?
6. Each workshop will be followed by a ten-minute break – Don’t you have 12 workshops all together? I think you mean 10-minute break between sessions – right?
7. take a look and take – review and take?
8. made our best effort to make this our best event – There must be a better way to express this!
9. will impressed?
10. quality line-up of the presentators scheduled – why not just ‘quality presentations’?
11. attending what?
12. knowing – what is its subject? we, you, or a big smile on your face?
13. blue badges with the word 'staff' written on them – 'STAFF' blue badges
14. Check spelling for words underlined.

Believer wrote:

1, 'desks with a piece of paper' -- For this, yes, I meant 'a piece of paper for all desks'.

If that was what you meant, then it is fine. It is important to be clear when we convey our messages; otherwise, there is no point. Here is a similar clause that causes confusion, "... ladies with a husband." (Polygamy!?) In your case, I thought you wanted to say, ".... desks, each with a piece of paper."

Believer wrote:

11. attending what? -- I felt leaving out the object will be fine, since the place that they will attend will be obvious from the context. Maybe it is not OK. Should I put the object in?

That is what I was concerned about. If a verb needs an object, we must give one. If you don't like repetition, use another word that delivers the same meaning. Sometimes, the idea that is obvious to the writer might not be clear to the readers.

Believer wrote:

Once you enter the premises, you will see desks with a piece of paper that has a capital letter written on it. You are to find the letter that corresponds to the first letter of your last name and check-in. After you have signed your name and the person at the desk have confirmed your payment of the registration fee, you will be given a name tag and will be told where to go next. You will see plenty of refleshments on various locations and people with 'Ask Me' badges all over the place to get help. And for that you seemed to question the use of the present perfect for the underlined parts.  Personally, I think it is possible for me to use the past perfect tenses there because I think I have heard this type of tense being used in this kind of context.

I see what makes you think so! It must be the word 'After' - Right? Let's look at this sentence: Find your name, sign in, and wait for confirmation. How about this one:  He said that I needed to brush my teeth before I went to bed. Do you notice the timing associated with those sentences? The present perfect tense sends me, your reader, a wrong signal! You started your sentence with the present tense to take me along with you as you speak. Suddenly, you say, "After you have signed" - "What? Aren't we still together" would be my reaction.

In short, all you have to say, "After you sign your name and get the confirmation of paid registration fee by the receptionist, s/he will give you a nametag and show you where you go next." Do you see that you are still walking me through the process?

Believer wrote:

Employer: OK, John, go and deliever this package to the two places I marked on this piece of paper. Go up this street and turn right after two blocks. Right next to the movie theater, you will see the "ZZZ Hardware" store. Get in there and give this to the manager. After you have delivered the first package, you are to head up two more blocks and find ... The task of delivering the package hasn't begun, but I think the use of the present perfect in one's instructions is fine. What do you think?

Same answer as before.

Believer wrote:

2. Also, would you say that the basic reason for placing 'that' here is because the word 'place' is a subject (although it is the subject of a modifying clause) and since it is a subject, 'that' isn't optional. Does it sound correct to you? ..., since the place that they will attend will be obvious ...