Hey there. I was wondering if someone can edit/review these poems for me please!

Foxhole Zigzag. Cramped and contaminated. Secure by the parados, but only by the rear. Surrounded by nothing but filth and stench of blood. Geography of the Trenches. Lines. Front and support. Bombarding and barraging. Reserve. Watching, waiting, and entertained by the overflowing latrines. Rest. Enjoying the luxurious gravel like a soccer ball on turf. Life in the Trenches. Weapons. Artillery and mining, domination. Odor and sight like dead dead rats on a sunny hot day, chlorine gas neutralized. <- (does the dead rats work w/ the chlorine gas?) Maxine and Vickers, adequate. Lee and Ross, not so much. Warfare in the Trenches. Casulaties. Sanitary conditiors poor. Reek of the rotting sandbags, rotting corpses, lingering odor poison gas. Chatting; pyrexia or trench fever. Machine guns, slaughter. Left in no man's land... Death in the Trenches. The Bloodshed began.

For that one, my teacher said I needed more figuarative language and 5-sense detail. I just need someone to edit/review it and see if it's okay and then I'll try to add more. Thank you.

2nd poem:

Sand Sand; I held it, brown granny granular. Danced in my hand. Butterfly; Yellow sunlight Brown cinnamon bun. Danced in my hand. I open my hand... My palm with long brown lines

I kind of don't know how to end it. I just stop there after my palm. Any help would be appreaciated. Thank-you.

3rd poem/haiku:

With large and big buns, The meat was tender and fresh. McDonalds Big Mac.

Any help on either of the poems would be greatly appreciated. Thank-you very much.