Poll: Please, I seek advice for a letter of motivation.Would be very grateful for help! I am a non-native English speaker and applying to New York university. I attempted to follow the hints and would be very thankful for further help! Thanks!

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IrenaHU  #219062  Sun, 23 Apr 06 09:14 PM

Please, I seek advice for a letter of motivation.Would be very grateful for help! I am a non-native English speaker and applying to New York university. I attempted to follow the hints and would be very thankful for further help! Thanks!

Dear xxxx, I am writing to apply for the xxxx School of Overseas Students Master's course Middle Eastern History. I have finished my Bachelor studies in April 2006 at the xxxxx of xxxxx in Modern History. I concluded my major studies one year earlier than the regular scheduled period with the overall grade score 1.3 (highest grade 1.0 to lowest grade 4.0). My interests are particularly on the Middle East and its political, cultural and social situation. My second focus is put on decolonisation, which helps me to surmount the Western viewpoint on history. Spending two month in a kibbutz in Israel I had the pleasure to meet varied cultures and to broaden my European perspective. I improved not only my English and Hebrew skills, but also get to know many Israelis and students particularly from South Africa and the USA. Finally I caught a glimpse of reality of living in Middle East. By visiting Israel two times before, I played chess in the xxxxx, a Jewish tournament. Chess gave me not only the possibility to be in competition with others, but also to travel and made me more mature and tolerant. For more self-confidence I embarked on xxxx in the Jewish community and became there a member of the committee, where I was in charge of recruiting new members and managing events. So, of an exceeding motivation, I strongly imply myself in my academic and private activities to carry out my objectives. The areas of study and courses offered in your Master program of Middle Eastern Studies are entirely compatible with my academic interests. They give me the possibility to combine the study of History of the Middle East with Politics and Journalism. There I can put the practical experience, which I made in Israel, on theoretical ground. The study of Middle Eastern History will help me to achieve my long term goals and to enter fields such as political advocacy, human rights and development aid. I am also expecting to engage with the Middle East’s history and culture. I believe that the combination of my past experiences and academic knowledge will qualify me as a Middle Eastern history student candidate, and furthermore will prepare me to achieve my career goals in the future. Thank you very much for your time and I hope you will give my application serious consideration. Yours sincerely,
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    nona the brit  #219216  Mon, 24 Apr 06 11:52 AM

    Firstly, you need to separate this into several paragraphs. Otherwise, I've made a few little changes for you in pink and have highlighted some areas I think you need to work on in blue. Quick points - Israel is not in Europe, possibility does not mean the same as opportunity. Good luck with your application.

    Dear ***, I am writing to apply for the *** School of Overseas Students Master's course in Middle Eastern History. I have finished my Bachelor studies in April 2006 at the *** of *** in Modern History. I concluded my major studies one year earlier than the regular scheduled period with the overall grade score 1.3 (highest grade 1.0 to lowest grade 4.0). My interests are particularly on the Middle East and its political, cultural and social situation. My second focus is put on decolonisation, which helps me to surmount the Western viewpoint on history. Spending two month in a kibbutz in Israel I had the pleasure to meet varied cultures and to broaden my European perspective. I improved not only my English and Hebrew skills, but also get to know many Israelis and students particularly from South Africa and the USA. Finally I caught a glimpse of reality of living in Middle East. By visiting Israel two times before, I played chess in the ***, a Jewish tournament. Chess gave me not only the possibility to be in competition with others, but also to travel and made me more mature and tolerant. For more self-confidence I embarked on *** in the Jewish community and became there a member of the committee, where I was in charge of recruiting new members and managing events. So, of an exceeding motivation, I strongly imply myself in my academic and private activities to carry out my objectives. The areas of study and courses offered in your Master program of Middle Eastern Studies are entirely compatible with my academic interests. They give me the possibility to combine the study of History of the Middle East with Politics and Journalism. There I can put the practical experience, which I made in Israel, on theoretical ground. The study of Middle Eastern History will help me to achieve my long term goals and to enter fields such as political advocacy, human rights and development aid. I am also expecting to engage with the Middle East’s history and culture. I believe that the combination of my past experiences and academic knowledge will qualify me as a Middle Eastern history student candidate, and furthermore will prepare me to achieve my career goals in the future. Thank you very much for your time and I hope you will give my application serious consideration. Yours sincerely,

      
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    The name says it all.
    IrenaHU  #219472  Tue, 25 Apr 06 12:49 AM
    thank you so much for advices! I am happy about more ideas...
      
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