Problem with a sentence

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Anonymous

#408252 Thu, 23 Aug 07 11:48 AM

Hello!

I have a problem with this sentence:

"Already as a youth, the middle child with two sisters, I was growing up in the world of sexy cosmetic bottles, which were becoming more and more attractive."

It feels very weird, but I can't find the way to repair it. Can anyone see how to make it readable?

Plus, the expression "cosmetic bottles" is not ok. What's the general word for any kind of cosmetics packaging (creams, powders, lipsticks,...)

Please please help Smile [:)]

Thank you!

Anonymous

Expressions

Mister Micawber

#408314 Thu, 23 Aug 07 03:00 PM

Your sentence is OK. If I were revising, I might do this:

Already as a youth and the middle sister, I was growing up in the world of sexy cosmetics, which were becoming more and more alluring to me.

Mister Micawber

Joined on Wed, Aug 4 2004

Yokohama

Veteran Member (22,249)

'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master-- that's all.'

Anonymous

#408373 Thu, 23 Aug 07 04:52 PM

Thank you very much Smile [:)]

Anonymous

khoff

#409080 Sat, 25 Aug 07 03:36 AM

Mr. M. -- You assumed that Anonymous was female -- which I suppose is true, since it was not contradicted in the reply. But when I read the original post I assumed the writer was male, and was beginning an explanation of how growing up between two sisters encouraged his development in a non-traditional direction. I guess you were right, but I think my version was more interesting.

khoff

Joined on Sun, Mar 6 2005

Denver, Colorado, USA, Earth

Senior Member (2,608)

Native speaker of American English (but not a grammar expert)

Mister Micawber

#409137 Sat, 25 Aug 07 07:37 AM

Oh, yes! Please post it and then Anon can choose!

Mister Micawber

khoff

#409320 Sat, 25 Aug 07 05:38 PM

Maybe it's because "as a youth" in the original sentence sounds "male" to me --or maybe it's just a reflection of the amount of gender-bending literature that finds its way through my house. Who knows.

khoff

Literature, Genders

Clive

#409836 Mon, 27 Aug 07 04:28 AM

Hi,

I find 'youth' an interesting word.

Where I live, it is used a great deal by the media, particularly in the plural sense of 'many youths', eg a new government program for unemployed youth .. . .

Yet in my personal experience, I would say that I never hear people in real life use the word 'youth', in either the singular or plural.

Clive