proof-reading of an extract

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Antonia

#131480 Sun, 28 Aug 05 03:33 PM

Can you please proof read this extract:

In the very beginning of the meeting it is necessary to do everything to lessen possible tensions as well as to express the intention and wish for successful outcome of negotiation for all parties involved. Negotiating session actually includes the following elements: harmonization(setting) and confirmation of the existing agenda or bringing up clauses for discussion, if it has not been done earlier. After that, negotiating parties give their own view on the basis of which their needs and initial positions should be discerned(evident?).

Thank you

Antonia

Joined on Fri, Mar 11 2005

Contributing Member (1,266)

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Mister Micawber

#131625 Mon, 29 Aug 05 01:15 AM

I don't know what proofread really means, Antonia; I tend to change anything that I think needs changing:

At the beginning of the meeting, it is necessary to do everything possible to lessen any tensions as well as to express hope for a successful outcome for all parties. A negotiating session includes harmonization of the setting, confirmation of the agenda, and tabling of clauses for discussion, if this has not been done earlier. After that, the negotiating parties state their initial positions and requirements.

Mister Micawber

Joined on Wed, Aug 4 2004

Yokohama

Veteran Member (22,306)

'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'which is to be master-- that's all.'

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Antonia

#131723 Mon, 29 Aug 05 09:27 AM

I appreciate your help Mister Micawber. I think there has been a misunderstanding. You wrote:

A negotiating session includes harmonization of the setting, confirmation of the agenda, and tabling of clauses for discussion, if this has not been done earlier.

and I meant to ask you which of the two I should choose (harmonization or setting) because the sentence goes like this:

A negotiating session includes harmonization/setting, confirmation of the agenda and tabling of clauses for discussion, if this has not been done earlier.

Antonia

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Anonymous

#131733 Mon, 29 Aug 05 09:59 AM

(It's me, incognito again-- MM)

I cannot choose, Antonia-- I see no similarity between harmonization (making the enrironment copacetic) and setting (the environment for the negotiation). If we choose harmonization, the immediate question is 'harmonization of what?'-- and if we choose setting, it seems self-evident that a session needs a setting, so it's redundant. With those words, they can only go together, to my mind.

Can you re-phrase 'A negotiating session includes harmonization/setting' for me?

Anonymous

Antonia

#131735 Mon, 29 Aug 05 10:05 AM

I think I made a mistake. The meaning is that agendas have to be harmonized as well as confirmed. I don't know why I suggested ''setting of agenda''. I guess I thought it can work that way. Sorry for bothering you. Can I just leave ''harmonization as well as confirmation of agenda''?

Antonia

Anonymous

#131752 Mon, 29 Aug 05 11:40 AM

('Tis I again--MM)

Then, let's look at my original revision and change it to:

At the beginning of the meeting, it is necessary to do everything possible to lessen any tensions as well as to express hope for a successful outcome for all parties. A negotiating session includes setting or confirming the agenda, and tabling of clauses for discussion, if this has not been done earlier. After that, the negotiating parties state their initial positions and requirements.

Setting includes the obviously necessary harmonization. Try to avoid the phrase as well as, which can usually be replaced by and. The former phrase is used when the grammatical status/importance of the second member of the coordination needs to be lessened.

Anonymous

Clauses

Antonia

#131786 Mon, 29 Aug 05 02:01 PM

Thank you Mister Micawber for your corrections and advice.

Antonia