Hi everybody!
I was translating a kind funny recipe. Could you, please, check the following passages? Does it sound good? Do I need any improvement?
You will need eggs to make this apple pie. If you've run out of them, get dressed and rush out to the store. And get iodine, cleansers, soap, bandage and sticking plaster, too. On your way back, grab some flour, apples and sugar. So, you come back home and go to your kitchen right away. While unloading your purchases you will surely drop a few of eggs on the floor. Don’t worry about that, just beat
remaining 5 (put the number first - 5 remaining eggs) eggs into a bowl.
C l (
This is a typo, I think - delete it) Clean the kitchen floor, or else it will be slippery. Now follow directions carefully. Take your mixer and start beating eggs. Your mixer won’t work? Just try to switch it on.
It did no difference? (use made, instead of did - It made no difference?) You probably have to
place the blades.
(Say 'insert' instead of 'place', or say "put the blades in" instead of place the blades. Also, you might want to say 'beaters' instead of blades) So now you can beat the eggs. When you finish splashing beaten eggs all over the place you will want to have a shower. Wash yourself very well and get the yolk out of your nose. And finally, wash your clothes.
You have three
(Earlier you said 5 eggs in the bowl, now 3 - is this intentional? Does this mean the person splashed out 2 eggs?) beaten yolks in the bowl and that's enough to make our apple pie. Now find old newspapers and magazines and
paste (I'd use 'cover' instead of paste) the entire kitchen with them. Cover your furniture with
some waste blanket (Subject/verb agreement error here - either say 'some waste blankets' or 'a waste blanket) if you don't plan to buy new furniture. Take
(Missing a definite article 'the' here) flour package and put about a cup of flour into the bowl. Gather the flour you spilt on a table (forget about the flour scattered on the floor) and put it back to the package. Make sure you’ve
pasted (Again, I'd use 'covered' instead of pasted) all the walls and the ceiling in the kitchen properly. Now blend the eggs with the flour.
You need a bath again. Wash all that beaten mixture
(Simpler just to use the word 'batter' here instead of 'beaten mixture) off. Take a sharp knife. Well, that's where you need iodine, bandage
(either 'a bandage' or 'bandages) and sticking plaster. Peel five apples. Apply iodine to your cuts and bandage your fingers.
Stick (Use 'apply' here instead of 'stick' ) the plaster. Now, cut
(Again, you're missing the definite article 'the' here) apples. Keep in mind, though, we need two apples for our pie, so feel free to eat the rest of them while cooking.
(Consider rewording this sentence slightly. It's gramatically ok, but a bit confusing. I'd say use either one of these two options: (1) Keep in mind, though, we need two apples for our pie, so don't eat all of them. or (2) Keep in mind, we only need 2 apples for our pie, so feel free to eat the rest of them while cooking.) Pick up all apple pieces you dropped on the floor and wash them in running water. Add apples and sugar to the dough. Beat the ingredients. Clean up all those nasty spots on the fridge and windows, or else they will dry up which will make cleaning much harder.
Pour what's left in the bowl in a frying pan
(A frying pan is for frying, but you're putting the pan in the oven to bake. I think you mean baking pan.) Forgot to coat your frying pan
(baking pan?) with oil? That's ok, just pour the mixture back in the bowl. Now wash the frying pan,
(baking pan?) towel it dry and coat with vegetable oil. Wash your hands and again pour the dough in the frying pan.
(baking pan?) Place in the oven. If your pie still looks pretty much the same after an hour of baking, check if you turned the heat on. So now the heat is on and you can take a rest. As you wake up suddenly, open all windows, doors and your oven.
Bring (Use 'give' or 'make' instead of 'bring'.) your apologies to your neighbors and convince them that there was no fire. Now that you've recovered from all that shock, call your darling and say you gonna make something special for the dinner.
Make (Use 'go to' or 'head to/for' instead of 'make') for the store again and buy a cake and a bottle of wine, or even something stiffer. Unpack the cake and put it on the frying pan
(Again, use 'baking pan' but you'll need to use the preposition 'in' instead of 'on. - Unpack the cake and put in the baking pan). Greet your darling!