[title]Family quotes[/title] [description]Welcome to our family quotes section! Here you'll find some of the funniest (and wisest) quotes on the subject of family life![/description]
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Latest post Fri, Oct 10 2008 2:28 PM by ferpectedit. 1 replies.
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changeling  +  575080 Fri, 10 Oct 08 09:12 AM
Hi everybody!

Could you, please, check my sentences. I’m writing the article for English version of a Russian health website. I want to make sure my English sounds like English :))

There is something really incredible about how celebrity moms are able to look as if nothing happened just a few months after the childbirth. “Some people have all the luck!” - unlucky mothers groan looking through the tabloids.


Thanks in advance

Joined on Sat, May 10 2008
Junior Member 76
ferpectedit  +  575148 Fri, 10 Oct 08 02:28 PM
Hello:
Nothing is technically wrong with your sentences, but your passage would read better as:

"How are celebrity moms able to look so good just a few months after childbirth? Flipping through the tabloids, mothers who aren't famous groan, 'Some women have all the luck!'"

I dropped the "there is something really incredible" which should be avoided in writing, even for the most lightweight articles: if you can get rid of a string of words in a sentence and not lose any meaning, you should always cut, cut, cut. I eliminated the juxtaposition of "luck" and "unlucky" and replaced "looking" with "flipping" for some variety in the last sentence (because "look" is also in the previous sentence). Good luck!
Joined on Mon, Sep 8 2008
New Member 27
See my profile for info on getting reasonable (or for those new to my site, free) proofreading and editing services.
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