proofreading needed

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changeling  #575080  Fri, 10 Oct 08 09:12 AM
Hi everybody!

Could you, please, check my sentences. I’m writing the article for English version of a Russian health website. I want to make sure my English sounds like English :))

There is something really incredible about how celebrity moms are able to look as if nothing happened just a few months after the childbirth. “Some people have all the luck!” - unlucky mothers groan looking through the tabloids.


Thanks in advance

  
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ferpectedit  #575148  Fri, 10 Oct 08 02:28 PM
Hello:
Nothing is technically wrong with your sentences, but your passage would read better as:

"How are celebrity moms able to look so good just a few months after childbirth? Flipping through the tabloids, mothers who aren't famous groan, 'Some women have all the luck!'"

I dropped the "there is something really incredible" which should be avoided in writing, even for the most lightweight articles: if you can get rid of a string of words in a sentence and not lose any meaning, you should always cut, cut, cut. I eliminated the juxtaposition of "luck" and "unlucky" and replaced "looking" with "flipping" for some variety in the last sentence (because "look" is also in the previous sentence). Good luck!
  
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